[Sacred Blood Bk;1] Midnight Blood

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Prologue - Forbidden Magick


Voices rang out loud, echoing in the underground cavern, chanting, ancient words that flowed effortlessly, vowels and consonants wrapping around each other. Their beat was melodic, calling to magick deep within the speakers, pulling it to the surface and out into the air.


The spell was an old, nearly forgotten, one. The savage way in which it forced magick out, and how one must call it, had long since been declared Black Magick. One could feel the tendrils of oppressive darkness in the air, so malicious it seemed to choke the air.


In the candle light two cloak shrouded figures knelt. Dark red salt fell from between their fingers making symbols and intricate knot systems in a circle. Symbols meant to force Magick out completely from someone.


Indescribable fear filled her, bound with copper at her ankles and wrist she was unable to get away. The blood soaked gag stopping her screams of terror. Looking at the circle she knew her fate, and knew that it was unstoppable.


Tears fell from her eyes as the chant changed, becoming darker and more sinister, calling to the magick filling the air and bending it to their will. With the magic being pulled from the air was the warmth; until all one could feel was a bone-deep frigidity. Too soon the chanting reached its peak and she felt herself being tied down on the circle.


The salt seemed to burn her skin, but she didn’t feel any warmer. Petrified she could only watch as the two figures reached for their daggers. The endless chanting pounding in her head as the figures knelt once more over her naked body.


The pain was terrible as they drew the blades down her body, methodically slicing veins so that rich red blood spilled out of her. Freezing, burning, bleeding she could only plead that death came soon. It seemed she would get her wish when the figures stood above her, holding out their own forearms and slicing deep.


The black blood of the Esteria poured down onto her body. Mixing with her own red blood and sinking like acid into her skin. When the vile black blood touched the salt a sudden wind ripped through the cavern, extinguishing the candles. However, the room was not plunged into darkness as the salt itself seemed to glow.


All of a sudden she could no longer breath, she felt the horrible ripping of her soul as her magick was forced from her body and into theirs….
Last edited by DraconiaxLesoto on Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I have this odd facination with the things people have feared.
Death. Fire. Pain. Insanity. Darkness. Blood.
I fail to see what is so scary about them.
Except their power over you.




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Wow, just wow. I really love this. Its seriously something I would read, it captured me from the start.
Though I do feel like it could be a little longer and more filled out.
Apart from that I loved it, the imagery was amazing.
This is the type of writing I want to be doing!
Seriously keep it up.
...The Emptiness Will Haunt You...




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Hey there! Do you mind if I call you Drac, instead of DraconiaxLesoto?

So, I liked the prologue. There was an air of mystery, and you wrote it well. There were one or two instances where you wrote "magic" instead of "magick", but those are just mechanical errors. There's no reason to be worried about those.

Umm... since it's a prologue, I don't want to go too in-depth with the review, since I can tell that you were - in this prologue's case - introducing us to a core part of your story, even though it might not have been a character. The core part I am getting is that there is magick in your world, and that that the magick in your world is abused by some people for evil purposes.

If I'm wrong, don't be afraid to correct me! :3

Cheers!

-Mazey
"Write what you want to read."




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I've got to say this really interested me, I really want to continue reading this. I think you did a very good job with the prologue. It was very descriptive and attention getting without giving to much away about the story. Like Mazey, I can see that there is magick being used for evil, I really can't wait to see where this story goes.
-Kas
Werd' ich ein engel sein - Für dich allein.




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Mazey wrote: The core part I am getting is that there is magick in your world, and that that the magick in your world is abused by some people for evil purposes.


Don't worry, you got it right :). Actually you got it completly correct, the girl in this case isn't really a character and I was just giving the prologue out to build an understanding of the core idea.

You can call me Drac.
I have this odd facination with the things people have feared.
Death. Fire. Pain. Insanity. Darkness. Blood.
I fail to see what is so scary about them.
Except their power over you.




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Gender Female
Points 13247
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Hi Dracon! I saw your first chapter the other day but didn't get time to review it. Then I saw you had a prologue so I thought I'd better check that out, too! Sorry for reading them backwards... :/

Okay, so I'm a total sucker for stories like these. I love the ideas and the imaginations of the writers, plus magic is a subject with so many possibilities. Like some reviewers, I'm not sure if I like how you're trying to individualise your magic with simply a different spelling. It's been done before. Soon we probably won't even recognise the word. It's clear that you are used to typing "magic" as well.
...calling to the magick filling the air and bending it to their will. With the magic being pulled from the air was the warmth...

I'd save yourself the inconvenience when writing. You don't want to have to keep going back to check that you've used your own spelling correctly whenever writing "magic".

All of a sudden she could no longer breath [breathe?], she felt the horrible ripping of her soul

-Just spotted that typo. ^^

And after reading your first chapter, I'm not entirely sure if this is needed. Your first chapter was captivating enough, and there's something about this that didn't feel up to the standard you had in the first chapter. Hmm... I think it's because you don't have the depth that you did with your first chapter characters. I don't really care about this girl, I don't know her, I haven't formed a bond, she's just a way for you to say, "these people are terrible. Look what they do for power [or whatever motive they have here]. Look how my MC has their work cut out trying to defeat them." Your girl character has no 'life'. What would you be doing in that situation? Aside from praying to be let go, or die quickly in this case, I'd be thinking of loved ones. Does your girl character have any regrets that should be running through her mind? Any "I wish I'd said that to blah-blah-blah"s?

That said, your "baddies" seem pretty cool. To me, I picture them as a cross between dementers and those Ring-Wraiths from Lord of the Rings. Even if they should be human. :/ I suppose it's the scene. Creepy, you know?

Your use of language is what draws me to this story. You have a gift with word choices, Dracon. I love them. It's so ... perfectly chosen! And helps me build up a mental image really well. Ooh, and I also loved this line:
The salt seemed to burn her skin, but she didn’t feel any warmer
I don't know why, I just like it. Haha.

Well, those are my thoughts on your prologue. I'll get to your first chapter as soon as I can. Hope I helped. C:

~EmmaJane
Your = Possession. Your shoes are so sweet!
You're = Omission. You're quite strange...

If you are confused about which to put, simply say in your mind "you are" and see if that fits the sentence. If not, you are looking for your.

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