Demigod (working title) part 4

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the strawberry banana sobe is a joke between me and my friend, i don't know if im actually going to use it. =)
and i really don't know if i like this part, but i need some ideas of how to make it better... :?

Chapter 5- Attempted Discovery
I was dragged into a strange room and told to drink something. I complied, taking the container they gave me, without really looking at it.
Dang, was I lucky. A few people had stepped in right before I got eaten alive and killed the beast.
I had no idea how they did it, it wasn’t one of my most attentive times.
More like I was frantically trying to avoid the acid spewing heads.
The more liquid that I drank, the better I felt. Hmm… water or something?
I let my eyes focus in the strange light. The pink liquid being trickled between my lips seemed familiar.
“Why am I drinking strawberry banana sobe?!”
The woman across the room looked startled to hear me speak, “Huh?” she glanced down at the drink and then back at me. “Oh, this? Uh… well this is actually nectar. As in the drink of the gods.”
Confusion must have been plainly written on my face because the lady said “Ah, so you are new. I wasn’t sure… you look so oddly familiar.”
I sat up, feeling perfectly normal now. “I want you to explain to me exactly what is going on. And if you don’t… I might just have to find my sword. And… uh… kill you with it.” She and I both knew I would do nothing of the sort.
She looked tired, as if she had this same routine played out to her over and over already this morning.
“I am Hestia. Goddess of the hearth, and home.” She began.
“Excuse me?!” Typical of me. Interrupting before “Hestia” could even explain herself. I didn’t care. I wanted the truth.
Her eyes flared. “Do you want to hear this or not?”
“Um… Yeah… sorry” I gulped.
“I suppose I should explain myself better anyway. Throwing the fact that I am a goddess in your face so early wasn’t very wise of me…” She took a deep breath, then restarted.
“First of all, an essential piece of information needs to be known to you. The Greek gods are real. They exist in Olympus, and occasionally, they have children. Well, not occasionally, more often than not actually, but anyway, those children come here. To The Room. And I, Hestia, watch over and care for this room, making sure that the inhabitants are safe. You, my dear are one of the new guests here in The Room.”
“So your saying that… I’m a … half-blood?”
She nodded solemnly.
I burst out laughing. “Hahaha, yeah okay, hate to break this to you, but I have two parents thank you very much.”
Hestia’s eyes widened “Well this changes things.”
“Yes it does” I taunted.
“Child, it would be in your best interest not to poke fun of a goddess.” Her voice was dangerous.
“Prove it” I glared.
She smiled secretly, and stood at the end of the hospital bed. And then she wasn’t there.
“Hestia?”
Nothing.
“You can come out from under the bed now…”
Nothing.
I shivered and began to get worried.
“I… I.. uh… believe you now.” I called out. Fat chance. Simple magic tricks wouldn’t work on me.
“Wise choice” Came the breezy answer that echoed around the room.
“O-Okay… you can reappear now.”
She did. In a shower of golden sparks, walking from across the room.
“I have a lot of questions.” I told her. Mostly about how she managed to find a magician kit with golden disappearing glitter, but I thought that might now have been received well.
“I know. But for now, ask only the most important.”
“What does it mean that I have two biological parents?”
She looked down at the floor. “It means that you are most likely a nymph of some sort, that you have a quarter or so of an Olympians blood in you. That one of your relatives is a half-blood. Or it could mean that one of your parents is lying to you.”
I tried to ignore that last part and announced my next question. “Why in the heck were you feeding me pink sobe?”
The corner of her mouth twitched in a smile. “The pink sobe you refer to, is actually nectar, the drink of the gods. It allows you to heal and to make a better recovery. You need to drink it periodically, but not as often as the half-bloods.”
I blinked. “I’ve never drunk it that much before this”
“Yes, you wouldn’t need to. People with gods blood in them don’t need nectar or ambrosia more often than around once a year until they realize what they are. I guess its just a reaction triggered by the fact that you begin to realize your full potential.”
“Okay… so why were we attacked?”
“The Room?”
“Duh.” I stared at her, then down at my hands. “Sorry…”
“We were attacked because… well lets just say that some people want the era of the gods to end.”
“And this fight has been going on for…?”
“A while now.”
“Are these attacks common?”
She looked at the walls now. “They are becoming more and more frequent”
“Just my luck.” I mumbled.
“I beg your pardon?” Hestia politely inquired.
“Just my luck that I find out I’m a… half-blood or what ever, in time to be killed in a war that I know nothing about.”
She shook her head. “Not a war yet. A small skirmish is all”
I noticed how she slipped the yet in there. And I didn’t like it.
Hestia sighed. “I think that’s enough questions for today. Sleep. You have a long day tomorrow.”
“How am I supposed to fall asleep this early?” I looked at the light filtering onto my bed sheets. “I just woke up.”
“Trust me. Your tired.” She said and walked away.
I rolled over and sat in a huffed silence for a few minutes, thinking over what she had just said.
Demigods and Greek Olympians… yeah right.
If I played along, this could be fun. Maybe make a few new friends, and get out of school for a while.
Not the worst situation ever…
Xx This side of mortality is
scaring me to death
to death xX

-The Temper Trap: Soldier On




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This might not be your favorite part, but I think it's necissary. At least for me, I know I get frustrated when too many of the character's questions get left unanswered for too long. Every book has at least one point where the action slows down and at least a few questions are answered.

“So your saying that… I’m a … half-blood?”
It seems your MC just pulls this term out of the blue.
Other than that, though, I thought her reaction was pretty believable. Your tone stayed strong and the pace continued to move, so there weren't really any issues with this section that I picked out.
If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.~Toni Morrison

It is written in m life-blood, such as that is, thick or thin; I can do no other~ Tolkien




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Hi again! Sorry for not commenting lately, i have been out of town for a few days, but now, well, I'm back! this one piece (in my opinion) has been your best (that i have read) each post it seems your writing is improving! i don't know if I'm just that into the story or if you have proof read it or... something, buts its good.
Have fun and keep on keeping on, i adore this story!
You do well to believe in God. Satan also believes...and trembles.James 2:19
http://dragcave.net/user/Roma-Gypsy
^ you should so click this.... :)




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Though I obviously don't get the sobe joke, I don't mind that it's in there. It doesn't seem out of place to me at all. As for the entire chapter, yeah you should keep it. Or at least a version of it if you end up having a better idea or something if only because it explains some important information without revealing everything. Some secrets are best kept to the end. ;)

Also, I had a little laugh over the fact that the entire fight was skipped. It was a good laugh. It's a different tactic that is very interesting to read for me.

Keep it up!
Bees: They sting because they love!!

Will review for food!



Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman