Soulless (Prologue)

This was it.

All my pain and suffering had led me here, like destiny. Instead of aiding me through the maze of life, it had dragged me intentionally down all the wrong passageways, taking a sharp turn whenever the light of happiness had threatened to overshadow its fathomless doom. Now I stood here the cool wind dancing around my shoulders and fluttering through my long dusky hair. What was wrong with me? How had I ended up so alone? My head said there was nothing wrong with me just all too much anger and hate within him. But my heart had been shattered in his oppressive hands and so blamed only myself.

I stepped into the cool water its icy grip lending its strength and courage to my faltering certainty. The water wrapped around me; a shroud to drag me into the deep. In killing myself I would stop him in his tracks. His cruel words could no longer crush me like heavy blows and he could no longer use me to his own sick advantage. I closed my eyes and imagined my life before him .Before his imposing shadow followed me from this life to the next. This was my last life and that final thought brought a sorrowful smile to my lips. I closed my eyes and let the powerful hands of the sea guide me to my final destination.

This was a beautifully written prologue. Fantastic imagery and description. There are only a few points I would like to bring to your attention..

Instead of aiding me through the maze of life it had dragged me intentionally down all the wrong passageways taking a sharp turn whenever the light of happiness had threatened to overshadow its fathomless doom.

This is written well, but I think you should include a comma or two, to give it more effect, or else it may sound kind of like a run-on:

Instead of aiding me through the maze of life, it had dragged me intentionally down all the wrong passageways, taking a sharp turn whenever the light of happiness had threatened to overshadow its fathomless doom.

My head said there was nothing wrong with me just all too much within him.

You might want to rephrase this sentence...I can't quite grasp what you're trying to say..I understand the basic idea but it needs to be more clear.

Otherwise you've done a fantastic job Keep writing!

<3 Sara.

Hello natalie and welcome to the forums. I am here to review, but not critique. I found this to be very well written. You described suicide in the most of detail and emphasized every part of it. Once again, great job on the story. I will be looking for more.
~Ryuichi

Thank you all so much for your comments

I really liked this, I could feel what this person was feeling and it was just really well written, I didn't find anything wrong.

--E.B.

This is so beutifully written! I have only been a member for a few days, but I have seen works such as this one that break the "Potter Mold". Good Job!

I really liked this! I like writing about this sort of stuff, and your imagery in this piece was brilliant! I especially liked the sentence 'Now I stood here the cool wind dancing around my shoulders and fluttering through my long dusky hair.' Beautiful words used there. Good luck and keep writing!