MoonStrike: Chapter 1, 2/3

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Gender Female
Points 1857
Reviews 5
Sorry that it's boring, I'll rewrite it. Wait for it.
Last edited by XDarkSpiralX on Sat Dec 12, 2009 6:05 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Male
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hi. I enjoyed this but, (not to sound to mean), i didn't really get the point. All that happened was the fact that she kept eating and eating and that she had a strange dream.
I saw a few things that need editing:

I was on the rode again

Road

she had finally made across the state border into Illinois. It wouldn't take long to get to Evansville- it was just on the edge of Indiana.

here you switched from 1st to 2nd person

all in all it was an okay story. Good work keep it up. :D :D


Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.




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Gender Female
Points 1857
Reviews 5
Thanks for the opinion, I'll try to make it less boring. But don't worry, there is a big point found in the face from her dream.



Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.
— Captain Raymond Holt