Keeper: [4]

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This has tons of potential and a very interesting setup - I haven't read the other four chapters and just stumbled on this at the YWS homepage - so I'm eager to see more.

My first little nitpick, though this might just be a stylistic choice, is that a lot of your sentence structure is the same. You might want to vary it up a little bit and join some sentences together. For instance:

She walked slowly, studying objects that might capture her attention. She finally sat down on the hood of a broken Chevy and pulled out her cell phone, dialing Zack’s number.

You might want to add in an adverb or something, but I hope you get the idea. :D

That's all I really have to say, but otherwise, this was very good and engaging and I'm looking forward to when you finish it. <3

Pink! YAY! I love this chapter. It moved things along well, and was very well written. There were a few typos that I saw.

Yesterday, she part of this normal life.

she was a part...

If the cops found her than maybe she would cast a spell or two and turn them into frogs.

This is cute humor. But I think you should have some sarcastic, yeah right, type of thing after it. Just to make it seem humorous.

A giant demon had aroused from the large pile of metal.

I think you should describe the demon first, then have it click in her head that it's a demon. It would seem more realistic that way.

I like your descriptions. I really did enjoy this chapter. Even if it is rather short for my liking. Keep it up, Pink. I can't wait till five!

-Jayleigh

If the cops found her than maybe she would cast a spell or two and turn them into frogs.

I think "than" should be "then".

Hey guys, thanks for picking out the tiny little mistakes.
I reviewed this [yet again] and made some small changes and hopefully there's no more weird typos or odd sentences.
Thanks again,

~Pink.

I haven't read the previous chapters, but this one was really good, with good description and grammar. The only thing was that Levi's character didn't seem very deep, but maybe that was explained in earlier chapters. I liked what you did with the italicized thoughts.
Good luck with future chapters!