Mechanical Fairies (part 2)

Part 2 (890 words) of a 3,436 words short story I wrote. I tell you guys the amount of words so you, the great reviewers, won't be afraid of the wall of text below and, hopefully, give me some good reviews.

(continued from part 1)
It was the second time Professor S.’s smile froze the way it was: like he had suddenly became petrified by the gaze of a thousand basilisks.
“You went there again, didn’t you?” Titani asked, her deadly smile was still on her face.
“Uhh…”
“And what it is in the plastic bag?”
“Not…nothing” Professor S. held the bag up in his arm and turned away, trying to protect it from Titani’s wrath.
“So you won’t hand it up peacefully huh?” Titani furiously stare at Professor Spear, and suddenly the air was cracked with electricity, the lights flashed frantically and mechanical devices in the house went haywire.
“Stop it Titani! Please!” Professor Spear said, almost broke into tears.
“Not until you hand it over!”
“Sniff…Sniff”
“Stop crying like a girl and give it up!”
“I did not remember raising my daughter to become like this…”
“Did you say something?”
“Nothing, nothing at all!”
“Put the bag down.” Titani commanded, and Professor Spear did what Titani told him to do, but with a painful look on his face, as if he had to parted with his heart.
Then Titani snapped her fingers, and Maria came and brought the bag before Titani. With another gesture of her hand, Titani made Maria turned the bag upside down, dumping its content on the floor. And falling out from the bags were figures. Figures of anime girls of all kinds were falling down on the floor in the defeated look of the Professor and the victorious gaze of Titani. Professor Spear was a genius, but one of his weaknesses is his irresistible love for figures – a kind of illness that almost all otakus have.
Without a word, Titani raise her hand up in the air. Correspondingly, Maria’s metal foot rise up, before the lump of figures on the floor. Realising what was happening, Professor started to beg: “No…please no…Titani, please don’t be so cruel to your own father.”
“Not good enough, Dad.” With that, Titani dropped her hand and Maria crushed the figures under her foot.
“NOOO!!” Professor Spear cried, then like a soulless person, he knelt down in front of the broken pieces and muttered, “My inspiration, my love…gone, all gone…” before falling completely on the floor and crying.
“Dad, you know how much I loathe those figures.” Titani looked away in spitefulness.
“Why? What have they done to you? They are completely harmless, beautiful figures…”
“It was not those figures but your love for them that makes me angry at them.”
“Since when a cat man loves beautiful figures becomes wrong?” Professor Spear looked up with teary eyes.
“Since the time you designed my body to look like them.”
“It is just to show you how much I love you.”
“Then what about the time when I was on low-battery mode and you mistaken me with one of them then put me in a box?”
“It…was an accident.” Professor S. looked away.
“Dad, you must understand how scary it was to suddenly woke up inside a box and seeing thousands lifeless figures of your size looking at you.”
“But you destroyed them all after that! My 10 years collection! All gone in one hour… You even created a power surge and made the whole enterprise network crash! The sale dropped 10% that year…” The Professor said, lying still on the floor and looked at the broken pieces.
“And now you bought more and trying to make that happen again?”
“But they are my inspiration, Titani! They are what help me to create Dolls like Maria! And you just crushed them all; crushed all my sweet fantasies and dreams…” With that, the professor put down the broken piece of the figure he was holding in his hand and cried.
“That is enough Dad, stop crying.”Titani, still flying, looked down to the Professor. But tears from the eyes of the heart-broken cat man keep flowing out like rivers.
“Dad, stop crying.”Titani said once again, but this time she has landed down to the floor and gently touched her father head. However, it was not enough to ease the pain that the sorrowful cat man had inside him now.
“Please stop crying Dad, or you will make me cry too.” Titani now held her father’s head with her little arms and also starting to cry.
“I…I am sorry Dad…I don’t want to hurt you… I just…just hate how you love those figures more than me. I am so lonely, Dad. I just want you to be with me. I am so selfish to want you to myself, am I?”Titani said in tears.
Professor Spear suddenly sat up. His eyes were still teary, but now there was a smile on his face. “It is alright dear…” The Professor said as he gently picked Titani up and held her close to him.
Titani curled herself up in her father embrace, feeling his warmth and listened to his big heart beating beside her, and then she also smiled.
“Well, let’s watch some anime, ok? Maybe some GUNDAM. You always said that you want one of those to ride on. I think I actually have one in the basement…”Professor Spear said as he putting Titani on his head.
“Sure, Dad.” Titani happily replied and teasingly pulled her father ears.
“Hey! That’s tickle!”
They were having a good time watching anime that night.
(To be continued)

I apologize for the delay in my review, my computer was on the fritz, and it took me awhile before I was able to get back on here. But my review will be very thorough. I want to just apologize ahead of time, because I may be a little harsh. This in no way reflects that you are a bad writer or that this story sucks, because that is NOT the case. In fact, I really like the idea for the story. But you do have somethings that need to be corrected. My corrections are in red and my commentary is in bold. Okay, here we go:

It was the second time the Professor's S.'s smile froze that way it was, like he had suddenly become petrified by the gaze of a thousand basilisks.

“You went there again, didn’t you?” Titani asked, her deadly smile was still on her face.

How about: her smile deadly.

“Uhh…”

“And what it is in the plastic bag?”

“Not…nothing” Professor S. held the bag up in his arm and turned away, trying to protect it from Titani’s wrath.

How about: held the bag protectively to his chest. It flows better.

“So you won’t hand it up peacefully huh?” Titani furiously stared at Professor Spear, and suddenly the air was cracked with electricity, the lights flashed frantically and mechanical devices in the house went haywire.

“Stop it Titani! Please!” Professor Spear said, almost broke into tears.

“Not until you hand it over!”

“Sniff…Sniff” Could you just say he sniffled, instead of making it part of the dialouge?

“Stop crying like a girl and give it up!”

“I do not remember raising my daughter to become like this…” Yeah, about that. Titani is acting more like the parent then the Professor is. I mean, I really don't like this guy, he's this sniveling guy, who seems to have absolutely no control over his own invention. Honestly, I'd expect him to have a bit more of a backbone, instead of letting himself be controlled by a mechanical fairy.

“Did you say something?”

“Nothing, nothing at all!”

“Put the bag down.” Titani commanded, and Professor Spear did what Titani told him to do, but with a painful look on his face, as if he had to parted with his heart.

This is an awfully long sentence. I count three commas, and while they are properly placed, I think you need to break this down into two sentences. Like this: Titani commanded. Professor Spear did as he was told, a pained expression on his face.

Then Titani snapped her fingers, and Maria came and brought the bag before Titani. With another gesture of her hand, Titani made Maria turned the bag upside down, dumping its contents on the floor. And falling out from the bags were figures. Figures of anime girls of all kinds were falling down on the floor in the defeated look of the Professor and the victorious gaze of Titani. Professor Spear was a genius, but one of his weaknesses was his irresistible love for figures – a kind of illness that almost all otakus have.

This underlined sentence is very awkward to read. Just read it out loud and see if it makes any sense. How about rewording it to say something like: Anime figurines fell from the bag, as Titani looked on victoriously. You change tenses a lot which makes this difficult to read. Make sure you keep an eye on this. If you find yourself using words like was, is, had, has, have in the same paragraph then you should probably revise it.

Without a word, Titani raised her hand up in the air. Correspondingly, Maria’s metal foot rose up, before the lump of figures on the floor. Realising what was happening, Professor started to beg. “No…please no…Titani, please don’t be so cruel to your own father.”

“Not good enough, Dad.” With that, Titani dropped her hand and Maria crushed the figures under her foot.

“NOOO!!” Professor Spear cried. then like a soulless person, he knelt down in front of the broken pieces and muttered, “My inspiration, my love…gone, all gone." before falling completely on the floor and crying.

Okay, let's reword the first sentence I underlined to say something like: He knelt down before the broken pieces, gathering them in his hands. Then reword the second sentence to say: Titani watched with no remorse, as he fell face-down on the floor and began to sob.

“Dad, you know how much I loathe those figures.” Titani looked away in spitefulness.

Your dialouge is very good, and you've given your characters their own distinct voices. You don't need to tag every line of dialouge, since we can obviously tell when Titani or the Professor is speaking.

“Why? What have they done to you? They are completely harmless, beautiful figures…”

You have a lot of these elipses, which are the ... and those are not necessary. A simple period would do just fine.

“It was not the figures, but your love for them, that makes me angry at them.”

“Since when a cat man is loving beautiful figures becomes so wrong?” Professor Spear looked up with teary eyes. What color are his eyes?

"Ever since the time you designed my body to look like them.”

“It is just to show you how much I love you.”

“Then what about the time when I was on low-battery mode and you mistaked me for with one of them then and put me in a box?”

“It…was an accident.” Professor S. looked away. Either spell out his last name or don't include it at all.

“Dad, you must understand how scary it was to suddenly wake up inside a box and seeing thousands lifeless figures of your size looking at you.”

You use figures a lot, it is really, really redundant. Here are some synonyms: Figurines, doll, and toy.

“But you destroyed them all after that! My 10 years collection! All gone in one hour. You even created a power surge and made the whole enterprise network crash! The Sales dropped 10% that year." The Professor said, still lying on the floorand looked at the broken pieces.

Spell out numbers, like 10 should be ten. And 10% should be ten percent.

“And now you bought more and trying to make that happen again?”

I think this sentence would flow better if you reworded it to say: Are you trying to make that happen again?"

“But they are my inspiration, Titani! They are what help me to create Dolls like Maria! And you just crushed them all; crushed all my sweet fantasies and dreams…” With that, the professor put down the broken piece of the figure he was holding in his hand and cried.

“That is enough Dad, stop crying.” Titani, still flying, looked down to at the Professor. But tears from the eyes of the heart-broken cat man kept flowing out like a rivers.

“Dad, stop crying.” Titani said once again, but this time she has had landed down on the floor and gently touched her father's head. However, it was not enough to ease the pain that the sorrowful cat man had inside him now.

“Please stop crying Dad, or you will make me cry too.” Titani now held her father’s head with her little arms and also started to cry.

“I…I am sorry Dad…I don’t want to hurt you. I just…just hate how you love those figures more than me. I am so lonely, Dad. I just want you to be with me. I am so selfish to want you to myself, am I?” Titani said in tears.

That last sentence is awkward, could you reword it to flow more smoothly? Also, said should be asked.

Professor Spear suddenly sat up. His eyes were still teary, but now there was a smile on his face. “It is alright dear.” The Professor said, as he gently picked Titani up and held her close to him.

Titani curled herself up in her father embrace, feeling his warmth and listening to his big heart beating beside her, and then she also smiled.

“Well, let’s watch some anime, ok? Maybe some GUNDAM. You always said that you want one of those to ride on. I think I actually have one in the basement.”Professor Spear said, as he putting Titani on his head.

“Sure, Dad.” Titani happily replied and teasingly pulled her father ears.

“Hey! That’s tickles!”

They were having a good time watching anime that night.

I think that last line was redundant and not necessary. Also, it made the ending sort of weak. I would just end with that last line of dialouge.

All in all, this is a very good story. You've developed Titani very well, and the Professor character is interesting enough. I think your strongest point is the dialouge. It flows well, and sounds like a real conversation. There is some conflict, but not enough to make your reader go *Gasp! I never saw that coming!* But I am sure there is more to come later. I know there is another chapter you want me to review and I will try to get to it tomorrow, if I have enough time. Hopefully, my critique helped and wasn't too harsh. If you have any questions please feel free to PM me.