Shadow travlers Ch.1

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Ch1. Shadow travelers


Most people complain about there life that it's hard, and no one pays attention to them. I don't. . .well I didn't not even when I was human. . .I'm not really sure what I am now. I guess you could say something between a zombie and vampire.

"What about shadow travelers?" Vincent suggestion broke through my thoughts. As he shook his head to get his blond hair out of his dark violet eyes.

"No only you do some freaky shadow thing." Taku growled as she looked up from her sand castle, her long glossy black hair was pulled up in a high ponytail so it wouldn't get in her way.

"It makes sense." I yawned as I looked at Leo's picture.

"How exactly?" Taku's steel grey eyes glared at me.

"Think about it." I started as I put the picture of Leo into my back pocket. "We can only be what we used to when where in the shadows." I looked at my hand. "The only way to show our true selves is to be in the sun." I whispered as I stuck my hands into the ray of sunlight that filtered into the old abandon movie theater.

My hand turned from it's old tan complected to a ghostly pale that seemed almost blue, and the familiar gash wounds were now visible.

"I will never get used to that." Gale snorted as she walked in. Gale was the newest of us. I'm not sure how she died, she just appeared one day.

Her and Roy are the only two that don't remember how they died. I never really told anyone how I died. I remember it like it was yesterday tough. . .

It was pouring down rain, as me and Leo drove to her house. We had gone to the movies, around nine o'clock. So it was about eleven, Leo lived out in the country.

I glanced over at her, she looked at me and smiled. Her dancing green eyes sparkled, as her long chocolate brown hair lay soaked to her body. I couldn't help but smile back at her, she was beautiful, smart, and funny. . .the perfect girl, and she was mine, as I was hers. I quickly turned my eyes back to the road.

"This place is kind of spooky." she commented as she noticed that there wasn't a single car in sight.

"Yeah just like in that horror movie." I joked. "The pretty one always die first, but don't worry I'll protect you Leo." I whispered as I looked over at her again.

"Your so corny Eddie." she beamed at me, it seemed to light up my whole life, until I realized that the brightness wasn't coming from her but the on coming eighteen wheeler. . .
"Why don't we let Peeta claim it, since he died today?"-Finnick (Catching Fire)

"We may be friends and all, but if were being chased by crazy flesh eating zombies. I won't lie. . .I'll trip you."~ Me after watching the hills have eyes.




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OMG!=) That's soooooo good! I want to no more! =) tall me more! =) Write more please.
I love how it describes Leo! =) =) I want to no more! =)
"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness except possibly when it comes to you."
"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you"
"I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me"




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This piece is quite solid. It kind of reminds me of Peeps and Twilight mixed together. Heh. I want to know what happens next, and that doesn't usually happen! Keep at it, and I'll keep an eye out for ya. But there are a few very noticeable grammatical errors, and I'll point them out. They aren't that big of a deal though, don't worry. I'll just bold the errors I saw. And I'll italicize words that need to be put in.


Most people complain about there life that it's hard, and that no one pays attention to them. I don't. . .well I didn't not even when I was human. . .I'm not really sure what I am now. I guess you could say something between a zombie and vampire.


The first sentence doesn't make much sense. You know the difference between "there" and "their". Use it. You'll see that the sentence makes more sense. "Most people complain about how their life is so hard." That's an improvement. Also, using the ellipsis (...) too much grates against the reader's ear. They aren't really all that necessary in the paragraph so get rid of them. You may want to rewrite the beginning entirely. Some readers read the first paragraph, and if they don't like it, they don't keep reading. I'm glad I did though :)



It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
— Jimi Hendrix