Clover's Curse - Chapter 9

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Finally finished chapter nine! The more I write this story, the more I love it. Thanks to Livinginfantasy, zankoku_na_tenshi, Stori, and Anna Graham. I'm having a blast writing this story, and I think it's awesome that you guys like it, too.

Chapter 9 – A Fine Line Between Fate and Coincidence

Inspirational Songs: Sin City by ACDC, Crocodile Rock by Elton John, and Hysteria by Def Leppard

When I woke up, I leaped out of bed and rushed down the stairs, eager to see Ivory again. Marybell gave me a smug look when I stumbled down the stairs, judging the reason behind my haste. I ignored her.

Ivory was outside again, brushing Fiona’s mane. The beast kept looking at me distastefully, and I did my best to disregard it. I made sure Munchie was nice and safe in my pocket, but he didn’t seem to be scared of the beast anymore because he kept trying to crawl out. After a while, I gave up and let him creep up onto my shoulder.

It was a nice day. Not a single cloud obscured the perfect blue canvas of the sky, so I spent the morning outside with Ivory while she tended to Fiona. She told me about how she and Fiona had come to be companions somewhat similar to Munchie and me. The horse’s mother had died while giving birth, which made me feel a little sympathetic towards the beast. Ivory had been friends with Fiona since she was seven, which was longer than I’d known Munchie. She’d never had any friends before Fiona, either. The more we got to know each other, the more it seemed that we had in common.

It was around noon that we finally realized how hungry we were. Neither of us had eaten breakfast.
When we headed back to the inn, I noticed that Ivory didn’t tie Fiona down anywhere.

“Oh, she’s not going anywhere,” she said when I asked her about it.

“How can you be sure?” I asked.

“She always comes back.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

“I’d rather she roamed free, anyways.”

I got the feeling she wasn’t just talking about Fiona when she said this. I kept learning more and more about Ivory’s character through these little conversations. She was a free spirited girl. She didn’t like to be tied down. That was probably another reason why she ran away from home.

When we entered the inn, we walked over to the counter and sat in the same spots as last night. Hangover guy was sitting a couple seats away from us with a miserable expression on his face. Mamma Verena was serving him a coffee, and he leaned over the cup, barely able to keep his eyes open.

“Peter, this has got to stop,” Mamma Verena said to him in a low voice, “You’re almost forty years old, with no job and no home, and all you ever do is drink.”

I, for one, couldn’t believe that he’d dared to go near another alcoholic beverage. I mean, I’d only been drunk once in my entire life, and I was positive I was never going to drink again. I wasn’t very surprised that he didn’t have a job or a house, or a life basically.
Peter kept glaring at his cup of coffee, unable to look Mamma Verena in the face. Ivory and I glanced at each other curiously. We both shrugged and returned to listening to their conversation intently.

“Maybe that would change,” Peter finally said in his gruff voice, still staring at the coffee cup in front of him, “…if you gave me a chance.”

When he said this, he finally lifted his head up and looked at Mamma Verena with a scowl. He tried to look menacing, but failed, being so hung over. Still, I didn’t like the way he was looking at her.

Mamma Verena didn’t seem at all threatened. She straightened up and sighed wearily, as if she’d been through this a thousand times. “How long do you think this is going to last, Peter? I’m not interested. Move on with your life.”

“Or at least get a life,” I heard Marybell say from behind us. She strolled back behind the counter to stand by Mamma Verena’s side and looked somewhat sympathetically at Peter.

“Stay out of this, Marybell,” Mamma Verena ordered. I was surprised by the firm tone of authority in her voice.

Marybell shrugged and came to stand beside where Ivory and I were sitting, keen on watching the scene just as we were.

“Is one date really so much to ask for?” he whined hoarsely. I couldn’t believe how pathetic he sounded.

“I’m not interested.” Mamma Verena repeated, drawing each word out slowly as if it was impossible for him to understand. She folded her arms across her chest.

“How about a kiss then?” he prompted.

“No,” Mamma replied flatly, setting her jaw.

“Oh, come on. Just a little kiss.” Peter was now getting up from his stool with great effort.

Mamma Verena rolled her eyes, “Sit down Peter, before you hurt yourself.”

He was angered by this. His face set with determination. “Not until I get my kiss,” he growled. A look of shock crossed Mamma Verena’s face when he grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. Ivory and Marybell tensed up next to me, and I was halfway out of my stool, ready to push him off of her.

Turns out, I didn’t need to worry. Just as Peter leaned in towards her, Mamma Verena grabbed the mug of steaming hot coffee and tossed it right into his face. He yelled in pain and staggered back, releasing her. He reached up and wiped the coffee off his face with his dirty sleeve.

He glowered at her again through narrowed eyes, “Why you…”

He came towards her, this time meaning to hurt her, and this time I actually got out of my seat and walked forward. I pushed his shoulder roughly and he stumbled backwards, managing to catch himself on the edge of the counter before he could fall on the ground. I didn’t want to hurt him (though he deserved it), I just wanted to put some space between him and Mamma Verena.

“Hey, back off,” I said. By now, everyone in the inn had turned their attention to us. Marybell and Ivory rushed over to stand by my side, and Mamma Verena walked around the counter to us.

“Clover, don’t,” she warned.

Peter pulled himself back up and shifted his gaze between Mamma Verena and me in frenzy.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he rumbled at Mamma, “It’s him, isn’t it?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Peter,” she replied calmly.

“The hell I don’t!” he barked. “I’ve seen how you flirt with him all the time. And you!” He jabbed his finger at Marybell and Ivory, who looked very annoyed. Then, to me, he said, “Isn’t enough that you have those two all over you? You have to have my woman, too!”

When he said this, it made me want to burst out into hysterics. He made it sound like I was some kind of player.

I’d never paid much attention to hangover guy before, but now that I really looked at him, I finally saw how dirty he was. He was wearing a shirt that I imagined must have been white at one time, but now it was yellowed with age. He wore a pair of dirty old trousers with raggedy shoes. His face wasn’t much better, either; he had salt and pepper colored hair that was receding at the hairline, and his beard was overgrown and tangled. He had a pair of depthless, washed out blue eyes underneath bushy, untamed eyebrows. I imagined him looking much better if he ever learned to take care of himself.

Peter marched up to me furiously and shoved me hard in the chest, making me fall back into the stools behind me.

Ivory, infuriated by this, stomped towards Peter with clenched fists. “Who the f-?!”

Her statement was interrupted when Mamma Verena put her arm out in Ivory’s way, stopping her. “Don’t, Ivory. I’ll handle this.” Then she turned to Peter with a businesslike expression. “Peter, I think you’ve stayed long enough at this inn. Ladies?”

Marybell and three other waitresses abandoned their tasks around the inn and marched up to Peter.
“What are you-?” he started to say, but was cut off when they all took hold of him and dragged him across the floor to the door. The other people moved out of the way when hauled him all the way out of the inn. Ivory and I and everyone else watched as the waitresses tossed Peter out on his butt. Marybell slammed the door in his bewildered face. They walked back in and went back to what they were doing before as if nothing had happened. Marybell sauntered back to us with an arrogant smile, clapping her hands together as if to beat off dust. “Piece of cake.”

I watched the whole scene happen before I finally realized I was still lying on the floor. I got up and brushed myself off before Ivory and the others turned around. I didn’t want them to think I was a weakling.

“Are you alright, Clover?” Mamma Verena asked me.

My shoulder hurt a little bit, but I didn’t want to look like a wimp in front of Ivory, so I said, “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

“Thank you for standing up for me,” she said gratefully.

“No problem.”

“I’m just glad he’s finally gone. I thought he was never going to leave,” Marybell said in relief.

“How long was that jerk living here, anyways?” Ivory asked.

“Far too long,” Mamma Verena answered, “I let him stay because I felt bad for him. He got fired a few years back and came to my inn for a drink. Well, actually a couple of drinks. Cleaned out an entire bottle of Tequila.”

Whoa. Now that sounded way too familiar.

“I thought I’d let him stay here until he got back on his feet, got a job and a house. But, as you can see, that never happened.”

“Wow. That’s pretty pathetic,” Ivory said.

“Yeah. What a loser,” I chuckled nervously, knowing that the same thing could have happened to me if things had gone differently that one drunken night.

***

There was a bigger festivity than usual that night. There was music and dancing, and, of course, free beer. Everyone was a little more cheerful, a little happier, now that hangover guy was gone. I hadn’t realized that everyone else hated him, too.

Marybell was in a very chipper mood. She took turns dancing with every guy that was single on the dance floor. I saw Ivory purse her lips out of the corner of my eye when Marybell offered to dance with me. Did the thought of me dancing with Ivory bother her? That made me very satisfied.

But, being the King of Clumsiness that I was, I refused Marybell’s proposal.

“Oh, come on,” she persisted. “Have some fun.”

“Sorry,” I said. “Dancing is not high on my list of skills.” It wasn’t even on my list of skills, which wasn’t a very long list.

“Well, if you change your mind…” she walked away.

I looked over at Ivory, sitting in the stool next to me, and her gaze was on the other dancers. She looked interested, eager. That surprised me. I hoped she didn’t think I’d turned Marybell down because I wanted to ask her to dance instead. Even if I had the courage to ask her, I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to imagine humiliating myself by trying to dance. Not to mention turning the dance floor into a danger zone in the process.

So we both sat there in silence, watching the people dance. I felt like a complete fool. Why couldn’t do something as simple as dance with a girl? Ivory was probably wondering why I hadn’t asked her to dance yet, and had probably come to the conclusion that I didn’t like her as much as she thought, or that I was too chicken…which was true, but not the only reason. I only hoped that she hadn’t come to the first conclusion, because I did like her. I liked her a lot more than she probably thought I did.

Finally, Mamma Verena came over from the dance floor and broke the ongoing awkward silence. Her face was a lot brighter since Peter had left. She beamed down at us with a big smile.

“Why aren’t you two dancing?” she demanded.

“I can’t dance,” I mumbled.

“What a load of bull,” she said. “Anyone can dance.”

“Not me.”

She narrowed her eyes at me in disapproval, and then she quickly turned to Ivory and looked at her with speculation.

“How about you, Ivory? Do you dance?”

Ivory shrugged. “I’m willing to learn.”

“Come on, then.”

Ivory stood up and Mamma Verena led her onto the dance floor. I sighed to myself and folded my arms across my chest. I couldn’t do anything right.

I watched Mamma teach Ivory the steps to the dance, and Ivory watched her intently and then followed the instructions. She was a fast learner. They practiced once, and then Mamma asked if she was ready to dance for real. Ivory nodded and then they started dancing. She was laughing as they moved with the music, and I suddenly really wanted to dance with her, to be the one to make her laugh like that.

Marybell saw me staring longingly at Ivory and excused herself from the guy she was dancing with. She came over and stood in front of me.

“Get up,” she ordered.

I knew there was no point in refusing; she’d probably drag me onto that dance floor kicking and screaming if I said no. I decided I had too much dignity for that, and stood up. She tugged me onto the dance floor and turned around to face me.

“Practice with me.”

I paid close attention to the way she was moving her feet and copied her carefully, minding my actions deliberately so that I didn’t run into the other people around me.

“Now lead me,” Marybell said.

Very cautiously, I began to lead the dance, repeating the steps she’d taught me. I was sluggish compared to everyone else.

“Move faster, Clover!” she demanded.

Crap. I swallowed and then sped up the pace. I was prepared for the worst to happen, but shockingly, I danced exactly as Marybell taught me to without running into anyone or tripping over my own feet. It was a miracle! I couldn’t believe that I was actually dancing of all things.

I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t notice Ivory watching us as she danced with Mamma until I looked up. We locked eyes for a split second and then she turned away quickly, ignoring me and continuing to dance with Mamma. I stopped dancing altogether.

Marybell, wondering why I wasn’t moving, followed the direction of my gaze curiously. Comprehension lit up her face when she saw who I was looking at.

“I think that’s enough practice,” she muttered. She grabbed my hand and dragged me across the floor to where Mamma and Ivory were. They broke apart when they saw us coming and Marybell took Ivory’s hand and put them in mine.

“We were just practicing,” she whispered to Ivory in assurance, pushing us closer together. “Dance with her,” she said to me. Then she turned around and started dancing with Mamma.

Ivory and I were motionless. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. I don’t know what she saw when she looked at my face, but it made her smile. I grinned back at her.

And then we were dancing. It was better dancing with Ivory than it was with Marybell. Contrary to what I expected, I didn’t feel pressured to be good at it; she was a beginner, too. We danced at a slower pace than everyone else, but it was still fun.

“Twirl her!” Marybell hissed at me, loud enough for everyone to hear. She and Mamma Verena were dancing close to us.

Twirl her?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow. Ivory laughed and spun effortlessly under my arm.

“Now, dip her,” Marybell said.

“I’ll drop her,” I protested. Ivory chuckled.

“You can do it, Clover,” Mamma encouraged, leading Marybell in the dance.

I looked at Ivory’s face as we moved. She was beaming. I was so scared that she’d fall out of my arms if I tried to dip her, but I also thought that if I’d progressed this far, I could go a little farther.

So I squeezed my eyes shut, and leaned forward, holding onto her tightly. I went down as far as I could without touching the floor, and she was still safely in my arms. I opened up my eyes one by one and looked into her face. I had never seen her eyes sparkle so brightly.

“You did it!” she praised.

“I did?” I questioned. That was when I tore my gaze away from her and looked around the room. Everyone had given us a wide berth of space, and they were all staring down at me with pride.

“He did it everyone!” Marybell announced to the whole inn.

Mamma Verena was the first one to clap, and then everyone else burst into applause.

***

Breathless and red-faced from dancing so much, Ivory excused herself outside for some fresh air. She walked out of the inn with a daze.

I was so pumped up on adrenaline, even after she was gone. Dancing with Ivory was electrifying. It felt like I was soaring. I could still feel the electricity running through my veins. I sat down on one of the stools to calm myself down and watched everyone else dance. Marybell walked over and congratulated me.

“Now you can add dancing to your short list of skills,” she teased.

Well, it was almost a compliment. “Thanks, Marybell. And thanks for teaching me, too.”

“No problem,” she said. “Anyways, I think she’s fallin’ for ya.”

I studied her expression. Did she really think that, or was she just pulling my chain like she usually did?

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Definitley.”

I looked outside the window at the dark night. “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

“It’s cold outside. Give her your coat.” Marybell winked at me.

I laughed and thanked her again before walking out of the inn.

The air was cold and crisp outside; it made me shiver. I looked around the area for Ivory, but she was nowhere in sight. Did she leave?

“Clover!” I heard her familiar voice call my name from a higher level up. I turned around and saw her sitting on the roof of the inn. How the heck did she get up there?

She tossed a rope ladder over the side of the inn, answering my unspoken question. “Come on.”

I walked over to the wall and grabbed the rope ladder. I climbed up and only slipped a couple of times. Once I was on the roof with her, Ivory pulled the ladder back up. Then she laid back down and looked up at the sky.

“Check out the stars,” she said.

I looked up at the heavens and whistled loudly. It was truly a sight to see. There was not a single cloud in the night sky. I had never seen the stars so clearly. There were a million of them scattered across the blackness like glitter.

“Damn.”

“I know,” Ivory agreed.

I laid down next to her and gawked at the panorama. We both watched the stars twinkle without saying anything for a while.

“Hey, Clover?” Ivory asked suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“Do you believe in fate?”

The question caught me off guard. I thought about it for a minute before I answered her.

“Not so sure about fate. Coincidence, definitely.”

“Really?”

“I’ve never really thought about it before,” I admitted.

She paused before speaking again. “Do you think it was coincidence how we met?”

“I don’t know, I guess so,” I said, wondering where she was going with this.

She propped herself up on her elbow and faced me. “Think about it. We’re both orphans, we’re both runaways, our best friends aren’t even human, we both have crappy ass luck, and that luck brought us to the exact same place. That doesn’t sound like coincidence to me.”

“Huh,” I said thoughtfully, “I never looked at it that way. Does seem pretty strange now that I think about it.”

She lay back down again and continued to stare at the sky. It was a while before she asked the next question, “Do you really think you’re cursed?”

Up until a few days ago, my answer would have been, “Definitley!” But these past couple days have changed my perspective a little bit.

“Honestly? I have no idea anymore. I’ve had really bad luck in the past, but if it wasn’t for that, I probably never would have come here. And if it wasn’t for your bad luck, you wouldn’t be here, either. If it wasn’t for our bad luck, we probably never would have met.”

Ivory nodded. “My point exactly. Maybe things happen for a reason.”

I studied the glistening sky and thought about her words. Maybe things did happen for a reason. I folded my arms behind my head. We both gazed at the stars in silence. Moments later, a shooting star sailed from one end of the horizon to the next.

“Make a wish,” I whispered. Ivory and I squeezed our eyes shut and wished silently. When we opened our eyes, we saw that the shooting star had left a glittering trail across the sky. We stared in wonder for a while longer, and then my eyes started to droop. Then I fell asleep right there on the roof with Ivory by my side.

***
Last edited by Dreamworx95 on Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:11 am, edited 2 times in total.




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Yea! Clover's back! I was hoping the next chapter would come be coming soon lol. I thought it was great. Like congrats to all the chicks there at the inn for kicking hangover guy out lol. I was so surprised when Clover managed to get through dancing without stepping on his partners feet or tripping. I'm going to leave all the criticing for those who are ten times better at it. I just want to say keep up the good work and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle, pony and me

--- "My Rifle My Pony and Me"




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Yay, Clover! He gets a smiley face sticker for learning how to dance! I've gotta admit, I chuckled through the whole dancing thing. It made me smile. :D
You're fitting the cliche thing in very well, while somehow making it your own cliche story. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
There's just one thing I noticed: you misspelled Definitely. Rather than Definitley.
Oh, and a question: Didn't you say it was pretty cold outside? I'm not sure I'd be able to sleep on the roof... but that's just me.

Great job! I was so excited to get your PM! Keep it up!

--Anna
"Man needs music, literature, and painting--all those oases of perfection that make up art--to compensate for the rudeness and materialism of life." -Fernando Botero




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Sorry that this one is so short, I had a ridiculous amount of difficulty trying to come up with something to criticize about this chapter.

Matter of fact is, I can’t really think of anything. XD

Ok, first of all: Awwww. Clover and Ivory are absolutely adorable in this chapter. I loved the dancing scene, it was really sweet, and so was the conversation on the rooftop. I think they have a lot of chemistry together, and I’m really warming up to Ivory as a character. The more she does, the more I like her. I’d have to say the same for everyone else as well; the longer they’re in the story, the more Mamma, Marybell, Clover, and everyone else endear themselves to me.

I liked how the rooftop conversation, as well as Clover’s thoughts of what might have happened if his life had gone a little differently after Peter’s scene, were both really great for introducing a bit of a philosophical touch without getting heavy-handed or turning what has so far been pretty much a comedy into being all serious business. I know a lot of novels that, if they want to speculate on life or whatever, will just start a giant info-dump paragraph of doom and lecture you on what they think you should believe (including the novel we’re reading right now in English). So I really think your more subtle approach fits the story much better. ^_^

I suppose the only real critique I could think of would be that you tend to use weird dialogue tags (like “questioned” and “praised”) a lot, when a simple “said” would probably do.

Other than that… I honestly can’t think of anything. I’ve tried.

So, in short, this chapter rocks. This story is awesome, and I can’t wait to see more, even though I’m not exactly known for my punctuality. XD
"The world is not beautiful, therefore, it is." --Kino's Journey

Hey, how about a free review?




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First allow me to say I have not read your other chapters but seeing as I'm able to judge this with new eyes I hope it'll be a help for you. :)

First I would like to comment on your characters. Before you assume that I don't like their personalities, it's actually quite the opposite. Upon reading it i was taken by who while reading it the characters didn't come to life fully. I felt like I was reading a book when I should feel like I'm watching a movie. I suppose that's a bit confusing to comprehend but allow me to make a few suggestions.

First, I was caught slightly on the wording of this first sentence. companions and somewhat run together making it hard to distinuguish that you changed topics. You spoke about Ivory and Fiona then abruptly made a connection to Munchie and you without giving the reader a hint. It's no big deal but it would help your writing flow if you were to change the wording somewhat. Also in this paragraph I got the impression that the main character had a liking towards Ivory; however, the sentences are a bit blunt and crisp and don't show how important Ivory is to the main character.

She told me about how she and Fiona had come to be companions somewhat similar to Munchie and I. The horse’s mother had died while giving birth, which made me feel a little sympathetic towards the beast. Ivory had been friends with Fiona since she was seven, which was longer than I’d known Munchie. She’d never had any friends before Fiona, either. The more we got to know each other, the more it seemed that we had in common.


You don't need the and
The beast kept looking at me distastefully, I did my best to disregard it.


Before I go any farther, I rather inform you that I could critque your grammar usage, I did find some mishaps; however, I rather get your permission before I went too far. I mainly wanted to give you some small advice on how to improve the life of your story. I could give more but that would make a MUCH longer post and I rather you want it. I hope you learned something, let me know if you want some more help because I would love to help you and your book!

Ciao!




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Hey, Ina. Thanks for the review for my chapter. I'd love some more of your advice. There was actually one thing in particular I wanted to ask you about. You said that you felt the characters didn't fully come to life. What did you mean by that? The most important thing to me is that readers will know my characters well. I try to always portray them to the best of my abilities.

To be frank, I haven't read all your chapters at the moment so I can't trully get a feel for what your characters are lacking. If you want I could go back to your first chapter and start from there, or I can give you a few tips that I incorporate into my own writing.

One technique that always helps me I find is:

Sketching out your characters. Whether you want to draw them or write out their description, you should always have a visual for what each of your characters looks like. Through time you should be able to add onto these lists/drawings.

For example:

Annie:
--5 feet 6 inches
--Black shoulder length hair
--Wavy hair that is usually in a bun [[feels uncomfortable with hair down]] [[self-concious]]
--Boyish build- does not have a defined waist, small chest, slightly broad shoulders [[uses this to her advantage by joining swimming team though secretly wishes to have a more feminine figure]]
--Green eyes [[favorite aspect]]
--Heart shaped mouth [[stands out in her boyish frame]]
--Has habit of biting nails
--Has no piercings. Not even for earrings
--Favorite color is pink [[though would rather die before she told someone]]


all these little quirks are what should be incorporated through the story in order for the reader to have a connection with the character.

Now one major aspect you should always hit upon in each character is what connects them to your readers. Every reader is always looking for someone to relate to in order to understand that character better. In finding a character they can relate to they then begin to be drawn into the story because they grow attached to the character. This can go for every character in the story [bad guys, good guys, minor characters, etc.]

Most readers are looking for:

A character that holds strong motivation towards a certain goal/mission

A character that is selfish towards something or over-protective

A character that longs for love or acceptance

A character that has flaws [isn't perfect]

The list of course can be more detailed; however, thats the main idea.

Great characters come to life when the reader is motivated/interested in the same thing your character is.

Not only that but--NEVER make your "heroic" character just that...a disney hero.
Your greatest characters can hold dark secrets or bad traits. These aren't bad things because it makes your characters even more life like.

Okay ONE LAST thing:
In writing your story allow one of your characters a chance at making a drastic choice that could decide their personality even more. Let's say your heroic character is confronted with a decision on whether to do right or wrong, however, both go agianst their original morals. In allowing your character to reject this change or accept it and trudge through it, the reader is given an insight into your characters thinking.

I rather not go on and on...because I most certainly can!

If you have more questions and would like me to read your chapters to give you some more ideas let me know!

Hope I helped out a bit. :)

-Ciao
--Bo_0ts



Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
— Mark Twain