The Satan's -------- Chapter One

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The Satan’s

Chapter One

I stared at the mansion that loomed before me, my eyes taking a quick glance the street sign which read ‘666 Evil’s Highway’. Now anyone in there right mind who valued their lives, would turn a blind eye and walk away as if they had seen nothing out of the ordinary. But me, well lets just say for now that I’m not your average ordinary person. The reason I’m not shaking in my shoes and fearing for my life is well because, I’m home sweet home.

It felt good to be home, as I stepped inside the hallway I got whiff of my mum’s cooking. Smelt like Shepard’s pie, but an actual Shepard is the main ingredient, ahh my favorite. Call me weird but being son of Lucifer, Prince of darkness I wasn’t brought up to be completely normal. I’m still your average thirteen year old though you no hanging out with my mates, with the very few I have. You know being son of Satan you would have thought I would be popular, but it appears I was wrong. The sound of my mother’s sweet voice rang in my ears as she called for me.

“Sweetie is that you.” She called, sounding a little too nice to be the wife of Lucifer.

“Coming mum” I replied, kicking my shoes off and heading into the one of three kitchens we have.

I forgot how bright this kitchen was and had to shield my eyes for split second before they adjusted to the room. It had your average kitchen tiled floor and funny enough black cupboards with red handle’s and hinges. I reached for the fridge but a soft hand slapped mine away.

“Already in the fridge pigging out and you haven’t even been home for more than thirty seconds, so doesn’t best mum in the world get a hug.” She asked, her rosy red cheeks shining in the sunlight which beamed through a gap in the dark curtains. She was tall and relatively thin, by that I mean she wasn’t fat but nor was she a stick figure. Her curly black hair was cut just short of her green eyes. She was a cheerful character, and how she met my dad I’m sure I’ll never know. Out of all the ladies he could have had in the world anyone one of them could be his by a click of his fingers, but it seemed there wasn’t a personality like my mum’s. She’s a cheerful character and rarely had grudges for anyone, except for that one lady who made a remark about her, day later she was found in pieces.

“Mum I’m I little to old to be giving you huge cuddles after all-“

“What you’ve been away for weeks at summer camp and you’re telling me you don’t wanna hug from your mum.”

“Mum I wasn’t saying th-“but before I could finish my sentence I was unwilling pulled into a hug form my mum and as I did I got a whiff of her sweet perfume. I but on puppy face and tried my best to say what I had to say.

“Mum about summer camp there’s something you should no” I mumbled, a sheepish look on my face said it all.

“Don’t tell me, you accidentally blow up the camp, you know I should nev-“

“Mum it’s not that bad, well it kinda is and it isn’t.” I chewed my nails out of sheer nervousness, I shuffled away form her incase she let rip and killed me when I revealed what had troubled me for weeks on end.

“Mum I don’t know how to tell you this but there’s this girl and she is well an An…g…l..e” I trembled at the last word, the sylublles barely left my mouth, I stared into my mothers eyes as if pleading for her to understand. But how stupid could I be, I shouldn’t have told her, for now ill pay for more actions.

“LUCIFER” she bellowed, as if sending earthquakes rumbling through the house.
I heard my dad bounding down the stairs, oh god, oh no, boy now I was in trouble.




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‘666 Evil’s Highway’
Obvious and unlikely. The highway to hell joke got over used with that song. Also not many houses live on a highway

"666 Infernal Way" or "666 Hades Avenue" Try something else.


Now anyone in there right mind who valued their lives, would turn a blind eye and walk away as if they had seen nothing out of the ordinary

should be

"Now anyone in their right minds , who valued their lives, would turn a blind eye and walk away...."

The reason I’m not shaking in my shoes and fearing for my life is well because, I’m home sweet home


The reason I’m not shaking in my shoes and fearing for my life is, well, because I’m home sweet home


Smelt like Shepard’s pie, but an actual Shepard is the main ingredient, ahh my favorite.

spelled smelled wrong. and this is weird.

"Smelled like shepard's pie, mhhmmm, my favouirte. Of course, my family uses shepard as the main ingredient"
This also seems like an obvious joke to make.

Call me weird but being son of Lucifer, Prince of darkness I wasn’t brought up to be completely normal. I’m still your average thirteen year old though you no hanging out with my mates, with the very few I have. You know being son of Satan you would have thought I would be popular, but it appears I was wrong


Call me weird, but being the son of Lucifer, Prince of darkness, I wasn’t brought up to be completely normal. I’m still your average thirteen year old though, you no hanging out with my mates, with the very few I have. You know, being son of Satan you would have thought I would be popular, but it appears that isn't the case

Already in the fridge pigging out and you haven’t even been home for more than thirty seconds

Already in the fridge pigging out, and you haven’t even been home for more than thirty seconds

for that one lady who made a remark about her, day later she was found in pieces.


for that one lady who made a remark about her, (a) day(s) later the poor soul was found in pieces.

I was unwilling pulled into a hug form my mum and as I did I got a whiff of her sweet perfume. I but on puppy face and tried my best to say what I had to say.


I was unwillingly pulled into a hug from my mum and as I did I got a whiff of her sweet perfume. I put on puppy face and tried my best to say what I had to say.

“Mum about summer camp there’s something you should no” I mumbled, a sheepish look on my face said it all.


“Mum, about summer camp there’s something you should know” I mumbled, the sheepish look on my face said it all.

“Don’t tell me, you accidentally blow up the camp, you know I should nev-“


“Don’t tell me, you accidentally blew up the camp, you know I should nev-“

away form her incase she let rip

away form her in case she let rip

Mum I don’t know how to tell you this but there’s this girl and she is well an An…g…l..e"


Mum I don’t know how to tell you this but there’s this girl and she is well an An...g...e...l"

for now ill pay for more actions.


for now I'll pay for my actions.


This story made me laugh. It's good you just need to check grammar. It might be a touchy subject however

and you spelled
[/quote]sylublles [quote] wrong but I don't know how its spelled so look it up.

:wink:

I enjoyed it. PM me if you revise/ add more please.
ALRIGHT, I was talking about my virginity!!!!

(lolz dinosaur comics)
if you don't understand...
http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000135.html




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All in all, a humorous exposition, but, before being thrust into a comical story about Lucifer's domestic life with a wife and son, I think even a little more background is in order to flesh them out. Otherwise, it just seems a bit ridiculous. It certainly has merit and potential, though!




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“Mum I don’t know how to tell you this but there’s this girl and she is well an An…g…l..e”

Instead of "angle" which is something in math. I think you meant "angel" which is someone from heaven.
Well anyway I think that you started good or Chapter one. But when you said
I reached for the fridge but a soft hand slapped mine away.
“Already in the fridge pigging out and you haven’t even been home for more than thirty seconds, so doesn’t best mum in the world get a hug.” She asked, her rosy red cheeks shining in the sunlight which beamed through a gap in the dark curtains. She was tall and relatively thin, by that I mean she wasn’t fat but nor was she a stick figure. Her curly black hair was cut just short of her green eyes. She was a cheerful character, and how she met my dad I’m sure I’ll never know.

I think somewhere in the beginning you could have said who she was instead of us wondering until you told us who she was. Your story was really good looking forward to Chapter 2.
~ i know what good is ~




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Haha. Very funny idea. I quite liked it. You should really continue this. I could see it as some tween fiction novel of some sort.

There were a few spelling errors that i found.

I PUT on A puppy face and tried my best to say what I had to say.

I shuffled away FROM her in case she let rip and killed me when I revealed what had troubled me for weeks on end.

Other then that i thought it was a good beginning! Nice work. :)




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“Coming mum” I replied, kicking my shoes off and heading into the one of three kitchens we have.


hhmm.. I guess you should put it a little like this..

“Coming mum” I replied, kicking my shoes off and heading into one of the three kitchens we have.


that's just a simple grammar correction.. the other corrections were already stated.. so I think I don't have to repeat them as well..

but surely.. your work interests me..
actually I have my own piece to..
Satan's Gum
but I'm still thinking if I'll publish it here.. It is so long.. :?

we may have same interests.. :D
...I'm someone who...
wanted 2 B criticized




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Shockingly this seems like a great idea, I like the spin you put on lucifer and his family. not to many writers choose to put the anti-christ as someone good or still morally uncorrupted. I liked your idea and style and I can't wait to read more.




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This was a really good idea. It was a good first chapter too. I definately liked your style. Not a lot if people think to write about Satan having a family and being not so evil. I liked it and I think that you should keep writing. If you keep writing, I'll keep reading!
ShadowPrincess



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn