Skidia Forever, Chapter Three: The Ninth Heir Strikes!

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“Luster, you have to promise to take good care of Lily and yourself okay? It’ll just be about two days. The food is already prepared and labeled in the freezer. Okay? Now Lily give your mommy a big hug.” Luster was on the porch being lectured by his mother about taking care of himself and his little sister, Lily, who was in second grade. Luster’s parents were about to go on a business trip for their company, which would take two or three days.

“Bye sweeties! Go inside and finish your dinner and then clear the table and wash all of the dishes!” Their mother’s voice got fainter and fainter. Lily blinked and she turned to Luster.

“Luster, can we go in now? I’m getting a little bit cold. Acchoo!” Lily rubbed her nose and continued to blink and give puppy dog eyes. Luster sighed and nodded. Lily and Luster walked into the house and sat down at the table. Lily immediately started gobbling down the rest of her spaghetti and meatballs. Luster just sat and stared off into space, his fork churning at the spaghetti.

“Luster, what are you thinking about?” Lily stared at him with large eyes.

“What do you mean?” Luster asked kindly. Lily shrugged.

“I don’t know. You seem to be thinking very, very hard. So I was just wondering what you were thinking. Are you thinking about school? Or do you miss mommy and daddy already?” Luster seemed offended.

“I’m not some baby! I’m in middle school, unlike you Lily you’re just barely in second grade!” Luster’s frustrated voice made Lily bawl. Realizing his large mistake, Luster quickly fixed his tone.

“Lily, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean what I just said. Come on, I’ll let you sleep with Mr. Trunks. Here.” Luster took out the green and yellow elephant that Skidia had won for him. Lily squealed and tugged it away from him.

“Lily, you can sleep with him all you want but Mr. Trunks is still mine okay?” Luster patted Lily on her head. Lily shook her head and started bawling again.

“No! I don’t want to just sleep with Mr. Trunks, I want to keep him! Wah!” Lily whined and started kicking and yelling again. Luster sighed.

“Okay then, you can keep Mr. Trunks.” Lily then squealed with joy and squeezed the poor plush. Luster felt kind of sad. He didn’t really like the idea of giving away his toy to his bratty little sister.
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Sunlight peeked into the dark rooms and a messy haired Luster leapt out of bed.

He had slept in his jeans and white t-shirt so he found no need to change. Luster ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth and to make himself look presentable. Lily on the other hand took her time and combed her hair and dressed herself into flower embroidered jeans and a pink and white striped collared shirt. When Luster was finished he raced down the stairs and ran into the kitchen. He had a disappointed look on his face when he realized that his mother and father were away so he sighed and went to the cupboards. Luster looked through them trying to find ingredients to make a suitable breakfast for himself and Lily.

“Aha!” Luster grabbed a loaf of bread and jars of jams and peanut butter. He opened the bag of bread and took out four slices. After that he popped them two by two into the toaster. By then Lily came in and looked around the kitchen wearily.

“Where’s breakfast?” Lily yawned and blinked. Luster turned around and saw her.

“Oh, I’m making it right now. Just wait for a bit, okay? I’ll have it done in a jiffy.” After the bread had been toasted he took some jelly and peanut butter and put it between the two slices. While pouring Lily and himself glass of milk Luster tossed Lily her peanut butter and jelly sandwich which she caught after some fumbling.

“Luster, you burnt a bit of my toast. But look, yours isn’t burnt. Did you do that on purpose?” Lily whined pointing at her piece. Luster sighed. He knew that staying with Lily for three days wasn’t going to be fun.
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“Hyah! Ha ha, I got you there!” Luster cried out as he clicked the buttons and twisted the joystick quickly on the black controller. He was staring at the television and was bouncing up and down with every small success of beating an opponent. It was about lunchtime but Luster decided that since his parents were not at home he wanted to take advantage of that and eat lunch later. All was going well until a thought popped up in his mind.

Since Lily was in the bathroom combing her long hair, she wouldn’t be in her room. Luster paused his game and tip toed into her room. It was quite small and organized. There were many shelves of colorful books and a lot of toys on her bed and almost everywhere. Luster took a good look around the room and couldn’t find Mr. Trunks. He walked over to her bed and looked under the covers and sheets.

“Why that little- Mr. Trunks!” Luster saw the elephant next to the lamp and grabbed him. He squeezed him tightly as if it was the only thing supporting his life.

“Oh, I won’t let little Lily get a hold of you now! I want to keep you all for myself.” Luster was about to sneak away with his prize when there was a loud scream.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!” it was really shrill and Luster knew at once it was his little sister Lily.

Dropping Mr. Trunks Luster ran towards the bathroom. He banged open the door and gasped. A large purple lizard was holding Lily’s right arm and she was trying to tug free.

“Aaaaahhhhh! Let go of me!” she was hysterical. Luster not knowing what to do grabbed a lamp that was on a table in the hallway and threw it at the lizard.

“Luster!” it croaked as it dodged it. Lily was thrown onto the hard floor. Its top jaw was split into two wriggling tubes.

“Where is Skidia? Tell me or else you shall feel the wrath of Yanka!” Yanka screeched he moved at an amazing speed. Luster was shocked. He didn’t know who this Yanka was or what was his relationship with his friend Skidia.

“I’m not telling you!” Luster then tugged Lily outside and closed the lights of the bathroom. To his amazement the lizard’s eyes widened and turned yellow. He crashed through the things that were in his way and tackled Luster. Lily crashed against a flowered vase and started crying. Yanka’s tubes let out a sizzling liquid that burned things that were made of weak material. It dripped onto Luster’s shirt and started to eat away at it. Luster yelped in pain and kicked the alien. It jumped back and then grabbed Luster’s leg.

“Hey!” Luster slammed against the carpet. Yanka took out a flashing metal blade. He put it near Luster’s throat. Luster gasped.

“If you don’t tell me then I’ll slice your head off.” Time seem to freeze for Luster. Lily was still hurt from the crash. Just then a small robot came crashing through the window. Yanka looked up and gasped. Techo had come in to defend Luster and his sister. He squealed and one of his compartments opened and revealed a small ray gun with a large spiral around it. Luster seized this moment to escape so he shoved a shocked Yanka aside and ran over to Lily. Yanka hissed violently at Techo who squealed defiantly.

“So, did that Skidia brat send you instead of herself? How cruel of her. She fears for her own safety so she sends a useless machinery to defend her little earthling friends. How adorable.” Yanka cooed making the acid ooze out of his tubes. Luster grabbed his sister protectively. She was unconscious from the blow and her arms were cut all over. Luster pulled Lily’s head onto his lap. He looked sadly at her; she seemed to have taken a lot of pain. Yanka and Techo were fighting each other. Luster grabbed Lily and ran for his room. When he got there he shoved himself and Lily into his large walk in closet. He stuffed his little sister into a part of the closet that was covered with coats and jackets that hung on wooden coat hangers. He used a plain white T-shirt that his father had given him for his birthday to cover her so Yanka couldn’t find her. By then, Yanka was stomping upstairs.

Luster, hearing the footsteps, ran over to his opened window. He saw little Techo speeding away. He groaned, he wondered if the little robot was trying to find Skidia. Luster saw that his door was about to fall down so he raced into the closet and closed the wooden double doors. Luster ran around the small closet that was like the size of a small room trying to collect spare coat hangers. After collecting several the closet door came tumbling down.

“Oh, Luster! I’m here; now just tell me where that idiotic Skidia princess is!” Luster froze in his little corner. Had his mind played tricks on him or did Yanka actually say princess? Luster was feeling around in his small little cupboard like part of the closet, his hands felt a spare rope that had been used for hanging laundry so he grabbed it and tied several wooden coat hangers to it. He creaked open the door and saw that Yanka was looking through all of the other compartments and he hadn’t found Lily yet. Luster crept out quietly and carried his weapon with him. When Yanka was rummaging through the compartment where his sister laid, he was furious.

“Yo Yanka!” Luster whooped as he twirled the rope as if it were a lasso. Yanka whirled around, knocking over a lamp that had stood in the middle of the closet. He hissed and a green tongue came flicking in and out of his salivating mouth. Luster then knocked the side of the rope that had he coat hangers tied to it at Yanka who started rubbing his aching head. He then recovered in a few minutes and he started towards Luster who lost all of his confidence like a television turning off. He dropped the rope and ran out of the closet after scrambling over the ruins of his wooden closet door. He tripped over absolutely nothing and he fell flat face on the dusty carpet. Yanka marched out and he stared at Luster who groaned.

“So, the weak human finally gave in eh? Well then tell me where the Skidia brat is!” Yanka advanced toward Luster who clutched his stomach as Yanka kicked him. Luster cursed under his breath. Yanka bent down and used his rubbery paws and grabbed and squeezed his cheeks.

“Luster, tell me where to find that little princess.” Luster knowing that he didn’t know where Skidia was he found that he could say that.
“Yanka,” he croaked, “you won’t find out where Skidia is from me.

I’m sorry
to break it to you but I simply do not know where she is. All she told me that she needed to fix her ship.” Luster then resumed clutching his stomach. Yanka’s eyes widened.
“Really? Well Luster, I’ll just go search for her while I keep you in that little room of yours.” Yanka dragged Luster into his closet and grabbed the remaining pieces of wood and tried to rebuild the door again. Luster wondered if Lily had awakened. He hoped she did because he wanted her to come to him so he could tell her what to do. Just then there was a loud sound of glass being smashed. Luster looked up and saw through the small cracks of the broken door and saw that Skidia had come crashing through. Her yellow eyes flashed with anger and her actions seem to have all come from her anger.

“Zeh Yanka? The ninth heir of the Scorchvis?” Yanka grinned.

“So, you finally showed yourself. You really are weak, hiding behind little robots instead of fighting by yourself. Anyway why don’t you show yourself in your true form? I bet that little human will be running away from you by then.” Yanka sneered. Skidia’s eyes glowed with hatred. She revealed her long blue claws. She clicked them impatiently.

“Skidia, you know this is the day that time will stop for you. And the little boy named Luster as well. So, do you have any last remarks or do you want to plead for mercy?” he cackled and then he pounced. Skidia quickly dodged and leapt onto a walnut desk. She brushed off the papers off the desk so she wouldn’t need to step on them. Skidia charged and used her claws and swiped at Yanka who barely dodged it. Skidia kicked off the dark blue walls and attacked again and this time she managed to make a large bleeding wound in his back. Yanka fell, he panted and looked around frantically. Skidia let the shining sun shine on her blood covered claws. She looked interested at it. Luster was astonished.

“Yanka, do not underestimate me Skidia Onibar, the only heir to the throne of Tornka. You Scorchvis are pathetic, you guys send the weakest of the heirs.”

Skidia then extended her long blue claws and slashed at Yanka who let out a strangled screech and then he laid there, dead. Luster gasped, he slowly inched away from the broken down door. Skidia turned and examined Yanka for a bit and a sad look appeared on her face, the fierce looks in her eyes seem to fade away like the setting sun. She looked sympathetic for the creature. Skidia did something that made Luster stunned.

“Zeh Yanka, I did not have to kill you. But you chose to push too far. It was your own words that led to your death. I hope your spirit will rise and ride with the stars and comets.” Skidia closed her eyes for a bit and then got up. She jumped over the pile of wood and crouched down next to Luster who had been able to sit up now.

“Are you okay?” Skidia looked away. Luster sighed and then answered.

“Yeah, I have to get Lily though.” Luster responded.




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Hello, I haven't read the other chapters before this, but I promise I will. Now, onto the critique.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!” it was really shrill and Luster knew at once it was his little sister Lily.


I don't think you should have all those a's in 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Keep it to three; it looks neater and a lot more professional.

“Aaaaahhhhh! Let go of me!” she was hysterical.


Same here, not so many a's.

I’m sorry
to break it to you but I simply do not know where she is. All she told me that she needed to fix her ship.” Luster then resumed clutching his stomach. Yanka’s eyes widened.


I think this was a typo on your part, but you need to put quotation marks before 'I'm sorry' and don't put 'I'm sorry' out on a line by itself without a period.

All in all, I thought this piece was okay. I haven't read the rest of your chapters but from what I read here I couldn't really feel for your characters. To me, they were very boring and typical, everday people. Give them something totally different. It seems like I've read about this same type of character over and over again.

Your spelling and grammar was pretty good, so I don't have much to say about that. Your pacing was good, but again, it seemed a bit boring.

I did think that the part about Mr. Trunks was very cute. I love stuffed animals :oops: .

Nariel
It's the very witching time of night.



You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author