Unknown Story Chap. 12 part 1

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~Chapter Twelve~
Run





In the morning Knall climbed out of bed slowly, still processing the information he had received last night. He stumbled into the kitchen and began to prepare eggs for his breakfast. Igniting the fire, he broke the eggs and dropped them into the pan.

After breakfast, Knall climbed out onto the balcony. Looking out on the sunlit grass and the blue river, circling around the tower and out of sight. Knall had always had a small amount of curiosity about where the river went, and where it was going as it stretched out of sight into the horizon.

Knall closed his two perfectly round yellow eyes and embraced the light breeze on his face. Even in this small cloud of bliss, Knall’s thoughts leaned towards the danger that had just presented itself.

Don’t worry; Derez will know what to do. A feeble reassurance, he knew. He wasn’t even entirely sure Derez had a plan. Now Knall’s thoughts turned towards Derez. He was the only one he could trust at the moment. Or maybe he’s part of the plan as well.

Knall continued to formulate possibilities and theories about the danger at hand. After several moments of this, he heard the door dissolve and someone step in. Fearing the worst, he whipped around expecting Rezlel or Myvel.

There standing in the doorway was Derez, wearing a dark blue shirt and black pants, with white boots. “Excuse me. I just came to apologize for last night. I seemed to have found old memories I wanted to keep buried. Please forgive me.”

Knall stood with his eyes opened wide. He had never seen Derez this way. This attitude frightened him more than the distantly silent Derez he had experienced last night. However, it was obvious the talk last night had seriously disturbed him.

“It’s fine. Although I must ask… Please tell me you have a plan.” Derez rubbed his head, ruffling his hair, and sighed.

“I’m afraid I must apologize once more. Although I have been aware of this plan for several years… I’m sorry Knall, there just isn’t enough information. I feel we are both in this matter together. They intend to use you and I in this plot. I will confront them soon. When that time comes I’m afraid you will have to be ready to leave.”

Knall looked down, considering what had just been said. At first he was forced to leave The Black Mountains, he had been traveling since. Now when it seemed he had at last found a home, it is about to be torn from him once more.

“Knall?” The word brought him out of his thinking and he slowly replied,
“Do what you must. I will be ready.” Derez smiled slightly and nodded. He then left the room and Knall sat on the couch, rubbing his head. I have to be ready. Now there’s someone depending on me.


The next few days Knall spent in anticipation. Not knowing when it was going to happen and not hearing from Derez. Knall had gathered everything he needed when the time came.

This was mainly one of his favorite books, Advanced Spells for Beginners. Another was, of course the small shard of mirror he had ever since the beginning of his journey.

On one cold, breezy night, Knall gazed deeply into his small stone. Once again mesmerized by the light it absorbed and released, making the dark room brighter by a single small candle. He eventually fell asleep with the stone in his grip.


~*~*~


Khor and Vathen were running full speed down an open city street. There were several guards following closely, as well as a blue and black vehicle with four long silver cannons attached.

Khor was, at first, surprised. This wasn’t even half the speed he could obtain in the school. This surprise eventually sank into confusion that he could, hopefully, investigate later.

Khor and Vathen turned down another street, slowing down for the turn and speeding up as they went on. The vehicle was getting closer while the guards were almost a street behind.

“We need to loose this thing!” Screamed Khor across at Vathen. He nodded and suddenly turned off to the left down a narrow back alley. Khor stopped abruptly, sliding on the street and picking up speed again, following Vathen.

As the two ran further a massive steel wall loomed closer. There was an old wooden door on the right and a set of stairs leading into the windows of the buildings to the left. Vathen stopped at the end of the alley and turned around to see the vehicle attempting to brake and catch up with the two.

He smiled and ran to the door. Khor began to follow and Vathen shouted, “No! We need to split up. You go up the stairs and out the back door of the apartment building. We’ll meet up at The Dragons Wing. If I’m not there by midnight, move on without me.”

Khor reluctantly nodded and ran up to the stairs suspended eight feet above him. He heard a door quickly open and close as he jumped and grasped the ladder that slid down due to his weight.

Khor quickly scrambled up the stairs and jumped through the nearest window he could. It was luckily open and he fell into a well furnished living room where a man was watching the same man who warned everyone on the screen.

Khor quickly ran past him and he stood, exclaiming “Hey you!” He ran after Khor but was much slower. Khor easily found the front door and ran out into the hallway.

There was a window at one end of the green hallway and a door at the other. He began to run for the door and quickly stepped into the stairwell. By leaning over the edge he could see down to the bottom floor and saw several soldiers burst through the front door and begin running up the stairs.

They looked up and saw him. “Oh crap!” Khor turned back around and ran up the stairs. He ran up all the floors and was eventually lead to the roof. It was mostly made of polished steel and was sitting right next to another building.

He ran up to the edge of the roof and looked over. There was the back alley where ha and Vathen had departed. He rubbed his head, quickly searching for possible escape routes. Before he had the chance to find a way off the building the soldiers burst through the door.

Khor stepped back to the opposite edge of the building, the door being in the center. They quickly looked around and noticed him. Five guards spilled out onto the rooftop and created a semi-circle around him, all pointing their crossbows at him.

Khor lifted his hands nervously. He looked down and whispered to himself, “I’m screwed.” One more soldier walked out of the door, this one wearing the same uniform but with a sword and blue X’s on his yellow shoulder pads.

He drew the yellow hilted sword and directed the silver blade towards Khor, saying, “Drop you sword.” Khor reached one hand down and drew Melden. He tossed her gently unto the steel, creating a loud clanking sound.

“Where’s your friend?”

“What friend?” The man slowly walked up to Khor and lightly touched the tip of his blade to Khor’s neck.

“The one with the blue and silver hair.”

“Ah. Yes. Well uh… I honestly don’t know.” The man ran foreword, putting his hand on Khor’s neck and the blade above that.

“Don’t play stupid with me.”

“Especially since your doing such a good job of it on your own.” Khor smiled snugly. He normally wouldn’t have made that comment but knew that they obviously needed him to give the location of Vathen.

The man pushed the blade closer to Khor’s neck, drawing the smallest amount of blood. Khor winced with the short sting of pain.

“Fine. You are obviously going to meet up someplace. Where?!” Khor closed his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. The man glared into his eyes and walked away. Before he went through the doorway he said, “Private. Kill him.”

Khor’s eyes widened and he stepped further back. His mind rushed furiously as the five soldiers walked closer to him.

“On three men.” Said the one in the middle. Khor noticed they stepped past Melden.

“One.” Khor’s eyes flew from side to side, thoughts rushing inside his head.

“Two.” Khor glanced down at his shadow.

“Three.” Khor ran.

He ran towards the soldiers. It seemed as if time had slowed down. Khor could see the arrows moving towards him. Once he reached the right speed he flipped onto his hands. The shadow tendrils came out of the shadow he had just touched. Khor pushed off, in mid air he turned, one arrow flew past his head and another nearly pierced his leg.
When he landed, time seemed to have picked up again. He was past the guards and bent over in mid run to retrieve Melden. He heard cracks and groans from behind him and knew the tendrils had killed the soldiers.

Khor never wanted anyone to die; it seemed as if the tendrils were out of his control. Like he summoned them but they had their own agenda. Nevertheless he continued running and felt the tendrils recede back into his shadow.

As he approached the edge of the building he increased his speed. He put his foot on the low wall on the edge of the roof and jumped. Khor felt the wind rush past him as he soared through the air.

Khor saw the building under him coming closer and braced himself for the fall. When he hit he rolled out of it and began running again, barely loosing any speed. Now all he needed to do was get to The Dragon’s Wing in one piece. Simple, right?
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own

-Coldplay, Viva La Viva




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Hi Pol. The first thing I noticed when I read this was the start was kinda abrupt.

In the morning Knall climbed out of bed slowly, still processing the information he had received last night.


Why do the last few chapters always start off along the lines of him getting out of bed?

Now all he needed to do was get to The Dragon’s Wing in one piece. Simple, right?


Don't put a question at the end like that. It's not necessary.

The scenes in this part don't really link together that well. We have him waking up from a scene, then later on, ending up into someone's house without a very strong reason. I felt kinda fustrated reading this. It just felt random. I think if the start wasn't so similar with the other chapters, then it would had worked. Stylistically, no critism. It all flowed very well.

Overall, it was ok.
"To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive."




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What Squallz said. :)

Yes, I agree with all that Squallz said above, good critiques, there. Um...yeah. Not much else to say except good job!

~Me 8)

P.S. Still haven't gotten around to 19, but I'm working on it.
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein




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Looking out on the sunlit grass and the blue river, circling around the tower and out of sight.

this isn't a complete sentance (don't you hate grammar)

It was luckily open and he fell into a well furnished living room where a man was watching the same man who warned everyone on the screen.

this sentance is confusing.

Okay, that's all I could find. I like the chase! Most exciting.

-greenie
the greenjay strikes again...




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I'm a little confused. First they were trying to leave the city and now they've split up and are planning on meeting back at the inn? Other than that though, I liked it. A suggestion or two -

[s]Looking[/s] Khor looked out [s]on[/s] across the sunlit grass and towards the blue river, circling around the tower and out of sight.

Knall had gathered everything he [s]needed[/s] would need in preparation for when the time came.

This [s]was mainly[/s] included one of his favorite books, Advanced Spells for Beginners[s]. Another was,[/s] and of course the small shard of mirror he had kept with him ever since the beginning of his journey.

He tossed her gently [s]unto[/s] onto the steel, creating a loud clanking sound.

“Especially since [s]your[/s] you're doing such a good job of it on your own.”

In general, I think your description still needs a little work and the plot could be tidied up but you have some good action scenes and I like most of your characters.
Writing Gooder

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