Young Writers Society

Crystal Release

Hi everyone, I would first like to say I am a HUGE fan of the Crystal beast cards of the game Yu-gi-oh and one day I just thought of creating a story that had them apart of it. Here it is and I hope you enjoy it.

Prologue

A long time ago there was a man called Julius Caesar. He managed to gather seven rare crystals from around the world, one for each place he concord, but when the crystals were being transferred back to Rome the ship got stuck in a storm and the crystals got lost and were never found. Millions of years passed and seven kids are about to find those seven crystal and there going to find one each, but there are seven mages from a mystical relm called Gagore who plan to take over the world.

Chapter 1

Crystal Blessing

“We don’t know why, we don’t know how and we don’t know when, but we will have to save the world.” “My name is Jesse and I was a normal kid. Im fifteen, I went to high school and I love the outdoors but a couple of weeks ago I found a crystal.” “It was a normal day at the beach, sun shinning, kids playing and water crashing, but when I went to have a swim I stepped on something, I though it was just a rock like they always are but it felt smoother than a rock, I picked it up and it was a sapphire crystal.” “But it was different for all of us, I found mine at the beach, Amanda found heres in a river, Vanessa found hers on the side of the road near a sewage drain, Zac found his on an oval at his school, Nathan got it as a gift from his cousin, William found his when he went on his camp and Alexia bought hers without realising what it was and the things it does.” “This may sound wired but we all agree that we were destined to have these crystals.” “Also ever since we found these crystals we have felt different.” “We have researched about each of our crystals, my crystal is the sapphire and the animal representing it is the Pegasus, Amanda’s is the Amber represented by the Mammoth, Vanessa’s is the Amethyst represented by the Cat, Zac’s is the Cobalt represented by the Eagle, Nathan’s is the Emerald represented by the Tortoise, Alexia’s is the Ruby represented by the Carbuncle (not the infection, the mystic animal) and William’s is the Topaz represented by the Tiger.” “The scary thing is that the animals representing out crystals are our favorite animals and favorite colors, creepy isn’t it.” “But we realized these crystals were special when they started glowing and these seven mages started attacking us, then we knew we had a mission to do.” I’ll start from the beginning.

Your story is....confusing.

Try to seperate the different dialougue, it's very easy to get lost when it's all one big clump.

Also, watch your prefixes of they're, their, and there.

Other than that, good story!

~Tay~

PS- try to reword the prologue.

"He managed to gather seven rare crystals from around the world, one for each place he concord, but when the crystals were being transferred back to Rome the ship got stuck in a storm and the crystals got lost and were never found. Millions of years passed and seven kids are about to find those seven crystal and there going to find one each, but there are seven mages from a mystical relm called Gagore who plan to take over the world."

Try:

He manages to gather seven rare crystals around the world, one for each place he concord(ed?). Tragically, when the crystals were being transferred back to Rome, the ship got stuck in a storm, and the crystals were misplaced and never found. Millions of years passed, and seven kids were about to find the mysterious gems(, although they did not know it). However, there were seven mages from a mystical realm, Gagore, who planned to take over the world (using those crystals?).

What did the crystals have to do with the mages?

Hey Ilovebubbles123
Thank you so much for being the first to read this story, i really wanted to know how i went writing this first chapter, and i hope to fix it. THANKS!