z

Young Writers Society


BloodMoon chapter1



User avatar
43 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1733
Reviews: 43
Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:58 pm
chinchillagirl_34 says...



Okay this is my first story so hope it's good

chapter 1 Seth




I'm sick of it. By now everyone in the pack had already fond the people they were imprinted on.

I slowly shift my position. I was getting sore, just sitting by a bush in my wolf form. I accidentally brushed against a branch causing it to shake.

"Did you hear that?" a girl voice broke through my thoughts. It sounded like an angel

"Um no. I think your hearing things. Do you need to go to a insane asylum?" another girl voice asked.

Oh crap I was so deep in thought that I didn't even notice them approaching. I slowly turn around to face were their voices were coming from. Two girls were standing talking one was turned looking at the moon, something about her made my heart beat accelerate, I felt hotter than I ever have before. While the other was facing her. A shiver went up her back from her toes to her Blond hair.

"Do you ever get the feeling your being watched?" the Blondie asked the girl looking at the moon. While looking around.

The one staring at the moon didn't responded.

"So why are we out here again?" the girl with Blond hair asked.

"Because you wanted to see, if it's true what people are saying with those giant bears." she said then turned around so that she was facing her friend.

My heart accelerated even faster than before. Beating rapidly, her face was like nothing I ever saw before. She had very pale skin, long curly raven black hair, she had light blue eyes almost aqua. Her hair was was up in a ponytail, with curls sticking out in different directions. I missed what they were talking about, I was still staring in awe when she laughed. It was as angelic laugh.

"Come on let's find your giant bear Calico." the girl with raven black hair teased Calico (Blondie).

"Okay but if it chase us don't leave me okay Rain." Calico teased Rain (the raven black hair girl).


'So your finally found her.' Sam voice reminded me of my existent.

'Yeah I never knew how it felt to imprint. Now I only know her name, but I feel like.... I don't know how to explain it.' I finally able to finish thinking.

'I know how you feel every time I see Emily I feel like I'm seeing her for the first time.' Sam said his thoughts were tender soft like he always is towards Emily. 'So are you just going to stalk her or what?'

'I just wait till I get a chance to talk to her, maybe even give her the giant bear.'


'Leave that to me. You go wait I'll lead them to you.' Sam thought back.

Rain


"So do you think we'll really see a bear?" I asked Calico.

"Oh come on Ryan, do you really believe in those stories that people tell." Calico thinks everything can be answered scientifically.

"So what do you think those people saw?" I asked Calico.

"They probably couldn't catch anything, then got a crazy idea of giant bears. So they don't look like wimps." Calico said with ease.

Right as Calico said that a low growl rumbled some distance behind them.

"Www-what was that?" I asked.

"Um I don't know, lets check it out." Calico said.

"Are you crazy?! What if it's a wild animal and attacks us!" I practically shout.

"Oh whats wrong are you scared?" Calico taunts.

"Hell yeah! This is just like that show when animals attack! Someone goes and do something stupid then get mauled by a crazy animal!!" I say while imaging Calico, and I in the hospital.

"See this is why you shouldn't watch shows that make you scream at every little animal."

The growling noise became louder as if it was moving towards us.

"Okay new plan. RUN!!!" Calico screamed when the bushes in front of us began to move.

We both took off running for are lives. "Your not supposed to run. Bears natural instincts are to chase a moving object. Along with most predators." I mange to shout while running .

Then it hit me. Well I guess you could say I ran into him.
Last edited by chinchillagirl_34 on Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





User avatar
29 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1388
Reviews: 29
Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:39 pm
bunnie_i_am says...



Hey! At last you post something!!!! I thought this was great!!I love it. I have two problems though.
First, I know you haven't read the fourth book yet, but you need to.
Second,
It was as angelic laugh, if an angle was to laugh that's what it would sound like.
You don't dont need to say
if an angle was to laugh that's what it would sound like.

Are the chareters based of anyone? Like they usally are?
Thanks for the great read!
"Having an eye for beauty isn't the same thing as a weakness except possibly when it comes to you."
"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you"
"I realize only one person will be damaged beyond repair if Peeta dies. Me"
  





User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 2
Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:08 am
akatori says...



the subject and idea is very interesting. I really think the girls' names, Rain and Calico, are creative. Just be careful with your comma placement.
  





User avatar
378 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1215
Reviews: 378
Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:34 am
sokool15 says...



Yeek, nice! I really enjoyed the Twilight series, and I love all these fanfics about it, from different perspectives. They really bring different ideas to the original stories, too. (people seem especially obsessed with the werewolves. Hm.) There's something obsessively romantically amazing about imprinting.

Anyway, I really like this piece - it's got a lot of potential. You had a few little problems with punctuation, but nothing you couldn't fix yourself, I think. Besides, it's a fanfic - meant to make fangirls squee, right? :P

Could you send me a pm when you post the next chapter? I love reading about imprinting. It always makes me sigh. I'd like to read more, when you post!

Yours ever,
Kool 8)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein
  








If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.
— Jane Austen