Chaos Theory: The Zombie Effect (Chapter 3)

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Here's Chapter 3 of my story, if you haven't read Chapters 1 or Chapter 2, please read them or this quick summary:
Chp 1: Claire and several other people are barricaded in a church during a zombie apocalypse. Jacob informs her that they are out of food, and will get some tomorrow. While they are talking, a zombie's hand breaks through a barricaded window, but Antonio shoots it.
Chp 2: Antonio writes a chapter next. He gets ready for the trip tomorrow, gathering supplies. He talks to Mother Anabella, who tells him that they need guns, and that there is a weapons store in the opposite direction of the grocery store. He decides to take two groups out, one tackling each errand.
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Chapter 3: Claire
I woke up to whispers dancing around my ears. It was so dark I could barely see anything. “Why the hell would anyone be talking this late?” I asked myself, frustrated. I got up and started to walk over to the whispering figures. As I got closer my heart started to beat faster and faster. I knew I shouldn’t go up to them, but I kept walking. Then they were there, right in front of me. I stumbled back, confused. The whispers were getting louder, and angrier. “Fear, for you are not redeemed.” “You shall be punished for what you have done.”
“But, it wasn’t my fault, I was right!” I said. Then the whispers stopped, and one of the black figures walked right up to my face.
“Hell itself is too good for you,” and then I saw a woman’s face, eyes puffy and red, staring at me furiously.
“Mom? What are you doing here?” I asked; hope flowing through me for a moment. But then my mother’s face morphed, her skin turning into a sick pale green, her eyes turning from a perfect blue into a horrible yellow. Her skin started peeled away, revealing gashes all over her face.
“No…No…” I whispered. Then with a vengeful scream, she lunged at me. “NOOOO!” I yelled.
I pushed the zombie back, and tried to run away, but fell over something. I looked around and saw that it was morning. I had fallen over a pew, and the black figures were nowhere to be found. I slowly stood up, cringing, since I had smashed my hand onto the floor to break my fall. Once I got up I looked myself over. “No bite marks,” I said thankfully. “Maybe it was just a dream.”
“Ah, Claire, what the hell?”
I looked down a row and saw Jacob had fallen in between two pews. He had his hand against the back of his head and eyes squinted in pain.
“Oh my God, what happened?” I said, running over to look at him. As I squatted beside him, I could see his head was bleeding.
“You happened. I heard you yelling, so I ran over and tried to see what was wrong. You were thrashing about Claire, like… a spazz. What was going on with you?”
“Nothing, it was just a nightmare. Sorry, let’s see if we can get you bandaged up or something like that.”
I got up and looked around for any cloth I could use to stifle the bleeding. I ran up to the altar and looked through the supplies pile frantically. “Nothing,” I said frustrated. “Where are the bandages, I know we had some.” Anxiously, I walked back to see how Jacob was doing. When I got to back the row, he was gone. “Jacob,” I called, looking around for him.
“He’s over here,” I heard someone call back. I glanced over to see a young man with short curly hair. He was very skinny and seemed to have a nervous twitch to his voice. Jacob was lying next to him, his head half wrapped in bandages.
“How is he?” I asked once I got to them.
“Fine. He’s got a minor concussion, and will have to stay here for awhile, but it’s nothing that won’t heal. Oh, my name’s Wilder, by the way.”
“Wait, but I’ve got to go scavenge for food today, I can’t stay here.” Jacob said. “We need three people, that’s what Huojin said.”
“I’ll go,” I said before I could stop myself.
“But Claire, it is way too dangerous, don-“
“I’m going Jacob,” I interrupted. “And don’t act like we’re married because we’re not, okay?”
“I don’t know, he’s such a dumbass” one of my friends says.
“I know! It’s like he was raised in a barn.”
“Totally. Aren’t I right Claire?”
“Yeah,” I say absentmindedly. I never really have to listen to my friends talking. Besides, they only talk about reality T.V and boys, both of which don’t interest me very much. Well, maybe the second one a little. I look at the other side of the cafeteria where my friends and I are sitting. A 12th grader, Jacob is sitting against the wall, eating yogurt. He seems so alone there with no one to talk to. I wish I could go over and talk to him, but all my friends think he’s a real creeper. Even so, I can’t help but keep glancing over at him, noticing tiny things about him. How he seems to have grown another three inches this year, making him over 6 ft. tall. How his dark green eyes somehow fit with his curly, light-brown hair. How even a stupid goatee looks good on him. It hits me how much I’ve missed his presence over the summer, even though we barley know each other.
“Claire, what are you doing?” one of my friends asks me while I’m looking at him.
“Nothing, I’m just thinking about how my schedule sucks this year,”
“Oh my God, you’re totally right! I can’t believe we only have two classes together…”
“Are we ready to go?” I asked Huojin. Everyone who was going was all standing around a circle, right next to the big double doors that lead out of the church. Around me were people I’d never bothered to get acquainted with. There was that pyromaniac, Antonio, the doctor Wilder, the Asian,some Greek man who’s name I couldn’t pronounce. and a black woman.
“Almost. Remember everyone, once Antonio takes off the crowbar holding this door back we run straight out into the middle of the street. Me, Claire and Wilder will go in one group to the grocery store, while Antonio and Zebah will go to the weapons store. It’s vital to stay in your group; we don’t want any dead bodies, okay?” he paused while everyone nodded their heads at him. “Okay, on the count of three…One, Two,” Antonio lifted the crowbar off the door handles and kicked the door open. My throat suddenly became tight as I realized that I might come face to face with a zombie today, like in my dream. I wished I could stay back at the church, but I knew that was impossible now. “THREE!” I dashed outside, and looked around at the destroyed landscape that used to be Virginia.
"This is a song for a scribbled out name
That my love keeps writing again and again
And again"




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The ending was just a tad weak.

"Oh shit I might run into a zombie in the zombie apocalypse, oh and the world is destroyed."
thats how it came off to me.

Well aynways the rest of this was interesting, and it did make the characters a bit more fleshed out, as far as personalities go, but really they are all just bodies with voices.

Obviously this isnt the first part of this work, but still everyone was given bit parts as compared to the action of it all, even if limited to a church.

the Length is my only real complaint, the ones above were nitpicks.

anyways, this could have used more detail, more interaction, so far if the other chapters are like this not much has really happened.

I dont know, I'd have to see more before I gave a real opinion of it.

All I can say is, so far its decent, I'd like to see where it goes.

Good luck.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.




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awesome writing! great job
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

"If you are mad at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Anonymous (I forgot)



Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting.
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