Chaos Theory: The Zombie Effect (Chp. 2)

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If you haven't read Chapter 1 here's a quick summary, though I recommend you read it:
Claire and several other people are barricaded in a church during a zombie apocalypse. Jacob informs her that they are out of food, and will get some tomorrow. While they are talking, a zombie's hand breaks through a barricaded window, but Antonio shoots it. This chapter is written by Antonio.
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Chapter 2: Antonio

It felt good to shoot something. Aiming at something, knowing that I would hit it. The nice feel of the trigger as I squeezed it. The satisfying kickback, the loud bang. It made me feel at home, oddly. For the first time since I arrived at this stupid Church, I felt like I was in control, even for a moment. It felt amazing.
“I feel awful…”I say to Rosa.
“Awww, was the back to school rush as big as expected?” she asks almost sickly sweet. I can tell she feels bad about waking me up last night because of that nightmare she had.
“Yeah, the lines went all the way back to electronics,” I say, remembering how frantically we all had to work at Wal-Mart.
“Sorry honey. Maybe this will help you feel better.” She comes up and kisses me on the cheek. It does help.
“Thanks.” I say and kiss her back.
“Antonio..?” she says softly, tilting her head away. “Remember when we were in high school, and we had that dream that I was going to go to college…and you were going to get a good job. And we would have enough money, and live happy forever after, like in a fairy tale? Remember that?”
“Yeah,” I say carefully.
“What happened? What happened to that dream we had?” She asks, and I see that she’s holding back tears.
“We…we woke up from it,”
“Antonio!”
“Wha, sorry” I turned around and see Huojin, a constructionist staring at me.
“I’m going to barricade the window again, and check for anymore openings. You should get everything we need for the trip tomorrow.”
“Yeah, sure” I stood up and walked over past the empty pews and up to the altar. Behind it was our supply pile. I looked through it to find anything that would be of use for tomorrow’s journey. A few flashlights, a lantern, some pillows we took off the pews. I rummaged through the pile until I found a few useful things. “A knife, three stun-guns and some bandages” I said to myself, thinking over anything that could happen. “That should protect us from a zombie attack. Since there’s no food don’t have to worry about that. A flashlight in case we get stuck for too long and three bottles of water.” I brought the things over near the front of the church and laid them down in a nice stack. Then I looked around to see how Huojin and the rest of the crew was doing.
Huojin was repairing the window the zombie had gotten through. He was the one who had boarded up the windows in the first place, so I guessed he was feeling guilty. He was looking around for any spare pieces of wood. Most of the others were helping him with that. Claire, that preppy high-schooler was just sitting, doing nothing. As usual. Denver was petting CoCo and reading a book. I looked closely at it and saw it was the bible. “He must be bored” I thought. I turned and looked down the central isle and saw Mother Anabella sitting in the front row. I had completely missed her when I went up looking for supplies. I walked up to the row she was sitting in and sat down next to her. She was whispering to herself, probably praying.
“Hello Mother,” I said when she was done.
“Hello child. How is your search for supplies going?”
“Fine. How’s your praying going?”
“Good, good. Tell me, how many bullets does that gun you carry have left?
“What?” I said caught off guard. “Um… five,”
“Well, we’ll need more than then won’t we? If I remember correctly, there is a guns shop about three blocks away, the opposite direction of the grocery store.”
“Heh, what kind of nun are you? I may not know much about nuns, but I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to be telling me where I can get “unholy” guns.”
“I suppose you’re right. But that doesn’t change the fact that we’ll need them. I suggest you split into two groups tomorrow.”
“Good idea,” I said. I looked up and say that Huojin was finished. “I better go, and tell everyone the plan for tomorrow.”
I walked back up to where everyone was sitting. “OK everyone, I know you’re all worried about the food shortage. But I’ve got a plan” I stopped for a moment to put the finishing touches to my plan. I really hoped everyone couldn’t how nervous and unsure I was.
“We need to hit both the grocery store and the weapons store tomorrow. To do that, we’ll break up into two groups. I’ll lead a group to the gun shop, and…someone else can lead the grocery store group. We’ll leave at noon tomorrow. Any questions?”
Last edited by Wariofart on Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:26 pm, edited 5 times in total.
"This is a song for a scribbled out name
That my love keeps writing again and again
And again"




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REALLY REALLY GOOD! I'm happy the second chapter finally came out! :smt002

Hey, I hate to ask this but could you read my story? It's called the Diary of Sara Jacobs, it's either in recent additions or other fiction. It's supposed to be realistic fiction which is my fav to write, but they don't have that section.... :?

THANKS, AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME JOB, AND BYEAS!

~Hugs,
Rose :elephant: :elephant: :elephant: :smt003
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a rock star or an opera diva.


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It good! I like how you're going back and forth between the characters, if that's what you are trying to do. X3 Again, you could describe things a little deeper, it helps the mental image. And when you say "Gun Shop" how about "Weapon Store" or "Weapon Shop". Because "Gun Shops" can also hold stuff like Army Swiss Knifes or combat knifes. They also hold things even for hunting! Keep that in mind so when they get there they can find other stuff as well! :3 But other then that, its good! Keep it up! I want to know more! Oh, and thanks for the review. Your right, the chase scene was too short and some part were unclear. I'll get on that as soon as possible! Thanks!
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Hello again,

Well Done! This is another great chapter, this is shaping up to be a really great story.

Again just watch were you use your commas and periods, you did better in this chapter than the first chapter with this but it still needs some work.

As Quetseli said we could use a little more description. Describe to us the setting and the characters a little more because at the moment I feel detached from them. I want to feel scared for them because of what is happening. The flash backs are a good way to put in a bit about your character so you could expand them a little more.

Overall well done :D
This was another gripping chapter.

Keep Writing
~Lydia
Thinking about what you COULD achieve will get you no where. You've got to chase your dreams.
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hi I liked the chapter. I think that you should make this more clear like if she can go to school and at work then why they can't go alone to buy food. I maybe wrong but this is one point tough for me to digest.
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

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shubhiloves2write wrote:hi I liked the chapter. I think that you should make this more clear like if she can go to school and at work then why they can't go alone to buy food. I maybe wrong but this is one point tough for me to digest.


Um, I think you got confused. The parts about going to work and school are written as flashbacks, they're the part that's written in ITALICS. The story takes place during a zombie apocalypse, where almost everyone has turned into a zombie. That's why they're afraid to go alone, in cause of a zombie attack.
"This is a song for a scribbled out name
That my love keeps writing again and again
And again"




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Sorry, I got confused.
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore




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really good! keep on going! it actually got my attention, if you don't know and probably you don't, I usually am not caught by any good stories lately.
ALL HAIL ATHENA!

"If you are mad at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Anonymous (I forgot)



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