Monday Night
Life is full of so many turning points its hard sometimes to concentrate on the reality of certain situations. Tonight I stopped a woman from killing herself and I simply cannot get my head around it. The past two and half hours I have been sitting in the living room of a woman I don’t know, with her opening her heart out to me and telling me her tragic life story. She had had a miscarriage earlier that day and had been drinking steadily since she was discharged from hospital. I found her sitting in the middle of a roundabout with buses and lorries gliding by as if she wasn’t there. I saw men stare confused at the woman as she lay there, (and even as I helped her across to the footpath) then put up their hoods, look at the floor, and walk on by. What is wrong with people? Why are we so fixated on our pathetic lives to the point where we ignore everyone else around us? Was where those people were going so important they couldn’t spare a second to check if a fellow human being was ok? It disgusts me.
The woman told me how she was seconds away from throwing herself in front of the next bus or lorry that came by and that I had literally saved her life. I stepped out to help her as a lorry came hurtling down the road. It isn’t their problem if they look the other way and drive on by.
I think it’s hardly surprising that people turn to God when everyone seems so gutless. We should not need a God to turn to when we are at our lowest moments, we should just need each other. I spent two hours of my life bringing a woman back from the depths of despair. It cost me nothing, and it saved her life. I did it instinctively; there was no other choice in my mind. Yet why did three men walk on by silently when she called out for help to them from the middle of the road? I don’t think I am a hero or anything like that, it’s not like I risked anything on my part, and the good that came from my actions will hopefully transform a persons life. I just don’t understand the mentality of so many others. Do they not have a conscience or any feeling of sympathy?
We live in a culture of fear where the idea of each to their own is so drummed into our minds that we fail to ever sit back and think about what really matters. The pointless and indifferent killings in Mumbai make me truly ashamed of what some people are capable of, and the extent to which so many people take things for granted sickens me, depresses me, and makes me feel like I should be different. I want to cry, or shout, or do something but I don’t know what. I feel so numb. And I can’t talk to anyone about this, so I have written it down. I can’t talk about it because people would not want to know. What if it upset them? That would not do at all. The self-centeredness of so many people I know is thoroughly disappointing.
When I think about Monday night, even after all I have said, a large part of wishes I hadn’t helped her at all. It seems odd to say this after what I have said already, but I have my own problems and I hate that woman for pushing hers onto me. I hate her for the memories that will now be imprinted into my mind, and in many ways I wish I had been just one of those people who looked away and carried on with their lives. It would have been so much easier to ignore and forget, than take notice and remember it forever.
