Young Writers Society

INT. MED CYLINDER-MORNING

Nathaniel steps inside his MED cylinder. A feedback sound screeches, and Logan clears his throat over the P.A.





INT. MED ROOM-MORNING

Logan sits in front of the table, wearing a headset and watching the computer monitors carefully.



Logan types in a code on the computer and hits enter.

INT. MED CYLINDER-MORNING

Laser beams shoot out from certain areas on the walls of Nathaniel's MED cylinder. These beams the outside of both his elbows and wrists, one hits his heart, two hit both of his temples, one on the back of his head, one on his forehead, and two on both of his submaxillary traingles. Nathaniel swallows hard, and looks around nervously.

INT. MED ROOM-MORNING

Logan moves his hand over to the 'Insert' key.



He hits the insert key, and we--



INT. MED CYLINDER-MORNING

The beams on Nathaniel's body begin flashing, and turning brighter and brighter. After they turn perfectly white, small bolts of electricity begin leaping out of the beams. The whole room begins to increase in brightness.



Nathaniel darts his eyes down to his left hand. The fingers begin to turn into small ones and zeroes. The hand dissapates further and further up his arm, until both of his arms have completely turned into binary code. He begins to slightly hyperventilate as the code begins to spread up his neck. It reaches his chin, and the room becomes too bright to see. The light slowly fades away, and as it does, we--



EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT

The light fades away to reveal Alan, Cassidy, Nathaniel, and Sandra, floating in air above a dimly lit city street. After a second of floating, they are dropped to the ground. They get up, groaning in pain.


The setting around them fades, and we--



EXT. MOUNTAIN PEAK-DAY

The group looks around, amazed at the snow and the clouds below them. The icy cold wind blows around, and they begin shivering. Nathaniel, though he appears freezing, keepsa very calm expression.


The setting changes once more and we--



EXT. BRIDGE OVER CITY-MORNING

The team appears on a bridge that is above an entire city. This bridge spans across the metropolis below them. Once the others see what is going on around them, they obviously become stricken with fear.



Sandra looks over the edge of the bridge, and sees the drop to the city below.


Nathaniel pulls a small device from his pocket, and pushes a button on it.


Nathaniel glances at his pocket device and pushes a different button on it.



Nathaniel turns and looks at Sandra.


Nathaniel once again looks at his device and pushes a button on it. He looks over at Alan, who is sitting on the bridge with his eyes closed.



The setting again changes, and we--



EXT. BANK-DAY

A van pulls up in front of the bank the team has just arrived at, then men with guns and masks leap out of the vehicle, and rush inside. The team follows them into the building, and sees that they are robbing the bank.


The team strolls into the safe room, where they see a robber working with a large drill. He drills into the safe, and after a moment, he pulls out the drill, and turns the lock, opening the large steel door.He walks inside, and starts piling the money into bags.



Nathaniel's watch beeps, and he looks at it.



Nathaniel leads the group to the outside of the bank. Next to a potted plant is the exit point that Nathaniel described.



Sandra walks over to the sphere and puts her hand on it.


She waits for a moment, and suddenly, her image becomes pixelated and distorted. After a few seconds of this, the entire setting around them becomes too bright to see. Once the light disappates, she is gone.



Alan puts his hand on the sphere, and we--



INT. MED ROOM-MORNING

A beep sounds from the speakers of the computer interface, and Logan types in something on the keyboard, and presses enter. All of the cylinders open, and the rest of the team steps out.

Hey, Vas. Firefly here for a review!

I've never reviewed a script before, and wouldn't know the first thing about fixing one. But I'll go with what I can!

I love the idea you have set up here--if had access to a machine that could transport me into a movie, I'd totally exploit that creation to make myself wealthy! So it's a perfectly relate-able plot with equally relate-able characters. Kudos!

The one thing that bothered me while reading this, though, was how you centered the speaker and their lines. From the few scripts I've read, I've seen it done like so:



And, though there might be other forms out there, this is the one that I would personally feel more comfortable with reading. But, then again, it's a personal preference!

I thoroughly enjoyed this! Keep writing!
~Firefly