Young Writers Society

ACT 3

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

KIM:

Are you sure we’re in the right place?

She is driving slowly down the main road, looking at the houses on either side.

KIM:

This is so freaky.

TED:

Yes, I’m sure we’re in the right place. What’s freaky?

KIM:

This looks just like my neighborhood. And I mean exactly like my neighborhood. But it’s on the other side of town.

She peers out the windshield.

KIM:

I didn’t even know this place existed.

TED:

It might not have before.

KIM:

No, it’s been here a while, it looks like.

TED:

No, I mean it might not have been here before we got let out. This is one helluva dream we’re dealing with and it may very well have made this whole neighborhood.

CAT:

Maybe it is the neighborhood.

Kim looks surprised and uneasy, but Ted shakes his head thoughtfully as he looks out the windows.

TED:

No. It’s not the neighborhood, but it definitely is here.

Kim drives through the streets in silence. Suddenly the cat yelps and jumps up.

CAT:

Yow! That’s strong!

At the same moment, Ted straightens explosively in his seat and points beyond the windshield.

TED:

(over the cat)

Right there! Third house on the left.

Kim pulls into the driveway of a house that is identical to her own. She gazes up at it apprehensively.

KIM:

This is my house.

TED:

Just a minute.

He gets out of the car and stands next to it, looking in all directions. He draws in a deep breath through his nose, as if sniffing the air. Inside the car, the cat is cowering in a corner of the backseat and is letting out a small, constant growl. Kim looks back at it. It doesn’t look up at her.

CAT:

It’s very strong here.

Ted puts his head back in the car.

TED:

He ain’t kidding. Come on.

Kim gets out of the car. Ted comes over to stand next to her.

TED:

You okay?

KIM:

You’re going to eat this one too, aren’t you?

Ted exchanges glances with the cat, who is climbing out of the car behind Kim.

TED:

Yeah.

He closes the car door.

EXT. DREAM KIM’S HOUSE - DAY

Ted and Kim climb the steps of the house, while the cat keeps its distance. Ted hesitates, then presses his thumb to the doorbell. He leans on it for a moment, then pushes away. Kim is looking at the house itself, then looks at Ted. He doesn’t turn to look at her, and she studies his profile. The cat is still growling just the tiniest bit. Suddenly, there is a noise behind the door and the storm door rattles as the main door is pulled open. Kim stares at DREAM KIM as she opens the storm door and faces them.

DREAM KIM:

Yes?

END OF ACT 3



ACT 4

EXT. DREAM KIM’S HOUSE - DAY

Dream Kim and Kim stare at each other.

KIM:

Holy crap…

Dream Kim just blinks.

DREAM KIM:

Kim?

KIM:

Yeah. You’re a dream, aren’t you?

DREAM KIM:

I’m your dream self, the part you play in your dreams. But how do you know that?

Ted looks critically from Kim to Dream Kim and back.

TED:

I don’t see it. The things you don’t know about a girl.

Dream Kim looks at Ted and regards him first with confusion, then curiosity, then narrows her eyes in recognition.

DREAM KIM:

You. I knew you were here somewhere, but…

She looks at Kim, then back at Ted.

DREAM KIM:

What are you doing with her?

Ted drapes an arm over Kim’s shoulders. Kim just stands, still in shock.

TED:

What? You don’t think a guy like me could score with a girl like this?

DREAM KIM:

Not if her dream self is anything like her.

Ted is still grinning, but it is a frozen grin.

DREAM KIM:

(to Kim)

Do you know what this guy’s about?

KIM:

(slowly)

Yeah, he’s my nightmare.

DREAM KIM:

Did he tell you he’s the one who set this whole thing up?

Ted’s arm slowly moves from Kim’s shoulders to her waist. The cat comes to stand between them at their feet.

KIM:

…No.

She looks up at Ted, then notices his hand resting on her hip.

KIM:

Is that true?

TED:

This wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Especially not yet.

CAT:

(panicked)

Now? Right now?

TED:

Yes, now.

In one swift motion, he shoves Kim behind him so that she is starting to fall backwards. Then he bends down and pulls the cat through the circle. He pulls the rope into both hands and catches Kim’s neck, pulling her forward to keep her from falling. One quick jerk, a step around her and the looping of the rope and he is standing behind her with the rope crossed around her neck.

KIM:

(choking)

Ted?

TED:

Hush, Kim-kim. Don’t make this harder for yourself.

KIM:

(choking)

Ted, what…

TED:

(sharp)

Quiet. Kim.

KIM:

(choking)

You’re such a bastard.

TED:

I’m your worst nightmare. And you’re a very bad listener.

He tightens the rope and she lets out a choked cry.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT 4

very good, it has me on the edge of my seat!

Now we're talking!

What left me completely befuddled and bemused was what happened to Dream Kim. We suddenly decided that we were going to ignore her and focus on Ted and Kim, but I find it hard to believe that Dream Kim would be passive given her role in telling non-dream Kim about Ted's evil sinister plots.

On another note entirely, I found Kim's dialogue in the early parts of this chapter somewhat out of character. She seemed to have come to terms with the situation and to be completely confident and calm. While I did not like all the whimpering, this sharp contrast in character left me feeling rather empty. I think you need to elaborate on her dialogue and make it more emotive.

The plot is moving much faster now. I think you handled the pace here very well, and advanced quite well into the story. Yes, I think I can clearly see the end in sight, and am looking forward to it very much. You've once again left me with rather little to say.

Have a great one!