Young Writers Society

I had to stand in the sticky bashed up locker,to stay away from the evil monsters from Taris high school.It was dark enough that you could'nt see your shadow 'Beth!' shouted my boy friend josh."We have to get out of here,forget about the rest of them.That shocked me what Josh said his twin brother Kalib and my best friend Allana to leave them.BUT before I had got a chance to think some thing had grabed my leg and would'nt let go!!

let go!!! I shouted but it was only Allana
she tould me that the monsters where coming out of the science lab and a portal was open I had to close it but josh had set out to find his brother so it was up to me

Punctuation, spelling, and grammar are your friends.

There's hardly anything here. No real ideas, no real plot, no real character descriptions. Just people running around for no seemingly logical reasoning. Add more, elaborate. Big time.

Sorry if I sound mean, I'm doing my best to avoid that. I'm just trying to be helpful.

I'm going to go through and fix your grammar errors for you.

kristina wrote:I had to stand in the sticky bashed up locker to stay away from the evil monsters from Taris High School. It was dark enough that you couldn't see your shadow. "Beth!" shouted my boyfriend Josh. "We have to get out of here, forget about the rest of them." That shocked me what Josh said his twin brother Kalib and my best friend Allana to leave them. But before I had got a chance to think something had grabbed my leg and wouldn't let go.

Also, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER use more than one exclamation point as punctuation. That's chatspeak ONLY. NEVER in actual writing.

And all caps in writing is a no-no.

kristina wrote:"Let go!" I shouted, but it was only Allana. She told me that the monsters were coming out of the science lab and a portal was open. I had to close it but Josh had set out to find his brother so it was up to me.

Remember to capitalise proper nouns, and use periods and quotations.

I can see a good writer wanting to poke her head through. Keep at it. =)

-St. Razorblade