The Afterparty

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Your style of writing is descriptive without being flowery, which I like. I really enjoyed the entire story overalll, and in no way did it feel rushed! My only complaint is that you went from referring to the girl as "she"and then as "Lucy" without any real transition. At first I was wondering who Lucy was! Why not just call her that from the get-go? It avoids any confusion!
Keep up the good work!

Well, it is a bit rushed, but not bad! I thoroughly enjoyed this. I love the dream! Excellent job making him wake up just at the high point. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Whoah that's awesome!! i love love love the transition from dream to reality XD I'd like to see a continuation of this.

-Roxy

I LOVED THIS!!! The ending was rather unexpected. The descriptive detail of the dream made it so surprising to find out that it actually was a dream. It was rather rushed. Seth didn't really go through much character development. Does he love Lucy or Garrett? Is he a undercover bisexual or a homosexual that is hiding his true identity. That was just never really clear to me. Other than that, it was well-written and I liked it. Keep up the good work!

Really, really good! I also love how it all turns to be a dream. The dialogue was great. Realistic without being dull. And your use of descriptive language was just right. Enough for the reader to easily visualise the party, without being over the top. You've got a lot of skill. Keep it up

..:Ced:..

I really did enjoy this. I found it slightly confusing toward the beginning when you talked about his "only having eys for Garret". I wasnt sure exactly what you meant. I think that a simple change of wording could clear it up...whatever the meaning may have been. Overall, I feel that it was a little rushed...almost like you tried to put a little bit too much small details into it that when you got to the climax it had to be pushed quickly. I think that your descriptions should have lied more in the dream than anywhere else because then the readers would be able to feed of of that and then we he's awoken, they would have the same sense of dissappointment and the character. Make sense?

Other than the previously mentioned, I really enjoyed reading this and I defintely think that you should continue writing similar stories. It was simliar to the writing style of Jason Meyers if you're familiar. If you're not, you might be interested...if you like this genre and type if writing. His books are "Exit Here" and "The Mission". PM me if you're interested.

Good job.
Keep Writing.

-Lexi

I think it was a bit rushed, but I think in a short story like this, it's ok. I think your attention to descriptive detail adds a lot and makes the story seem not quite as rushed. enjoyed it immensely. I would like to see this develop further....

You know what? I really don't think it was that rushed. Lovely descriptions! It's been so long since I read a story that just sucked me into it, but yours did. By the way, your first line is brilliant - it really interested me and just made me want to keep going! You know, I wish this was a novel so that I could read more! If you ever do turn this into a novel, please PM me!!!
You did a very good job! This isn't really a review [I'm sorry 'bout that, I've been handing out more and more of these lately], just a pat on the back saying that you really did do a good job! Thank you for the fun read!
RedHead

Make this a novel!! Or at least longer. I really liked it! I didn't feel rushed at all, but you definitely could've expanded it a little...or a lot Anyway, this was really good and I hope you continue with it because you have something worth spending some time on!

~Jess

Excellent work, it was a joy to read I was definitely hooked to this story from the very beginning. You're style of writing is very nice and the imagery was amazing. During the dream though, when the characters were at the after-party, i feel like things happened a bit too fast and I couldn't quite picture everything. Maybe you could add a bit more description to this part of your story?

And as he slid on the shirt and a crumpled pair of jeans, eventually following her boyfriend out to the Mathematics building where all three of them would be working on a major project together, Seth realized something that should have occurred to him sooner.
It was going to be an awfully long day.

During this part, it didn't immediately occur to me that when you said "her boyfriend" you were talking about Lucy's boyfriend Garrett. It didn't flow smoothly enough. Saying "Lucy's boyfriend" instead might help with this. Otherwise, the plot and vocabulary were very good and over all, this story was very well written!

Keep writing!
~Sharitm2

This was really good. Confusing at times, but actually well thought out despite the sort of "rushed" feeling that I got. But the "rushed" atmospheric tone actually fits in pretty well with the whole story line, so I'm not sure I would change it. Other than that, this is really good . I'd love to know a little bit more about what everyone was REALLY thinking though.....