Young Writers Society

A/N: I have so many other things to do, to redo, and such, but I really wanted to write this. I sobbed like a baby writing this, so don't say it's a retarded piece of p**p. I have feelings to and that would hurt!

Through the Glass

I stand there and joke, to try to make her smile, to let her see that nothing will change. But everything does. It doesn't matter what I do. The Earth still turns, the hours still go on, and there's nothing I can do.

I sit by the steps every Friday, alone. Sure, Cassandra sits by my side jabbering on about the latest gossip and relationship issues, but she just ticks me off. Sometimes I just want to smack her and say shut up, I don't care! But today seems perfect. I don't make eye contact and I can think to myself without any comments to her.

I imagine her sitting there. She sits there with her face bright and her brown eyes shining. Her hands go to that folder and I smile. She smiles and laughs at my comments. She even put some couples in there for me, even if she doesn't approve of my selection. I can imagine her pushing her hair to the side and yelling at me for doing something stupid. My "girlfriend," my "wifey," my best friend, my "mom" when I've misbehaved, I want to see her there.

I remember the last time I saw her, introducing me to her grandmother. I know more about her than her ex-boyfriend did. Still I'm nothing to her but a friend.

I want to hold her hand. I want to love her. I also want to see her smile and hear her laugh. I want to see her have fun and believe in her religion so devotedly. I want to be by her side and see that happen.

Would I say I love you? Never in a million years. She would never believe me anyway.

Hi there! I'm Pink and I'll be reviewing this short piece for you. ^^

First of all, this is really short! D:
I would have liked it more if you spent some more time to elaborate over this a little more. It could use some more explaining. For one part, where you explained how her talking made him want to slap her across the face, that sounded kind of harsh. Like,it almost makes me believe he doesn't like her that much. :/ Why would you, no matter how annoying some of their personalities might be, slap someone you like? Or think about it? I just thought it was weird, maybe tone it down like he would rather yell at her than think about slapping her. Get what I mean?

Also, this situation is terrible. I know how the character must feel. ;___;
However! I sort of kind of wish that you explained why she wouldn't believe him either. How long were they friends for? What did they do together? How did her boyfriends make him feel? What about the small part where he named her wife, girlfriend, mom, best friend? I didn't exactly quite get what he meant by that. Did he want her to be all those things?

Now, as far as grammar and punctuation goes. I think you did pretty well with that. You missed some commas here and there for example there should have been a comma after 'sometimes' in your second paragraph. Remember to place your comma in their appropriate places! ^__^

If you have any further questions, scribble on my wall. ^^
-Shear

This was very entertaining a bit on the over-dramatic side. I think you could have interpreted your MC's emotions better in a way by developing on how he feels, and explaining it to the reader. We seem to hear a lot of this person that your MC loves, but we're never given a name. In fact we're never given a name to any of your characters except from the much hated Cassandra-I think.

I don't like it very much because the emotions don't seem to reach to me, and I don't feel like I can understand how your MC feels. It's a bit frustrating because I WANT to feel bad for this character. Also I think you should lengthen this in order to show us the backstory and to further develop your characters.

Hope this helped.

Anger

This is a very interesting piece, I like it but wish you would of put some more explanations and descriptions in it. It is a bit over dramatic if you ask me. For example you explain how this girl is annoying your MC and your MC wants to slap across the face, but at the same time you MC loves her? How does that work or relate? But I feel that you can relate to this piece more than us as the reader can so I think that you wrote this more for your self rather that anyone else.

Also I think the emotion in this story was a bit mixed up it was hard to follow how the MC felt and what the MC was talking about. But all in all its okay. Keep writing O.o

Hey,

I'm pretty sure retarded is more offensive than poop. Anywho, this is extremely confusing. At first, I thought Cassandra was the famous "her" then you mentioned slapping (Domestic abuse?) and I figured no. I'm guessing a guy has a girlfriend but he's in love with his friend? You need to clarify this. Also, what folder? Maybe I'm just being stupid but I really don't understand this piece much. Maybe make it a bit longer, elaborate a little?

Favorite Line: The Earth still turns, the hours still go on, and there's nothing I can do.

Grade: B-

~Jas