A Love Letter

I'm not a prose person, seriously, so in advance forgive the lack of skill. I wrote this for a story, originally, and the letter came with it but I lost the story but I still have the letter. Anyway, that also explains why it's a letter for a girl. Imagine the writer is a dude instead of female me.
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Ms. _______________,


I have always prided myself for my eloquence. When I was younger I was often congratulated for the excellent disposal of my words. Even now at my current profession I am lauded for my abilities at written and spoken expression.

It is my great misfortune that you are not impressed by such talents. In fact, the statement above will strike many as exorbitantly arrogant, however, as I am fully aware that you couldn't care less for a man of unbounded vocabulary, I know you will forgive my tawdry display of vanity. It is in the hope-- though the hope be that of a man driven by desperation-- that you would be impressed, even slightly, by me pointing out that many other people admire me.

You see! That is how much of a fool I've become.

I realize that the first part of my letter to you is terribly egotistical. Since this is a love letter and not a rant I must revert to something that actually doesn't talk about me or my worries at what you think. I must change my writing style into something filled with beautiful imagery depicting you but-- I am afraid I am unable to.

Concerning you, all my eloquence fails and I find myself groveling in the pit of illiteracy.

I am hopeless, hopeless, hopeless! I make those supposedly witty side comments in the hope of impressing you. I've fallen to the stature of a pompous fool trying to get you to notice my existence. I've used every single word in the English Language to express myself but all those words choke up my throat once I see you.

My whole vocabulary of thousands and thousands of words is reduced to three when I see you. Since there is nothing else I can say and since those words will hold more meaning than if I recite a Shakesperean play to you, I had better say it: I love you.


Your tongue-tied admirer,
A Man of Quondam Eloquence

P.S. Simplicity in speech does not mean simplicity in mind nor heart. My heart would be all too eloquent, had it only the power of speech.

Very well written, KnightlyAngel09 -- I can't fault it, of course, in vocabulary! I think it succeeds in what it was intended for, and humour was evident. The writer seemed an unlikeable sort of person, and I don't know if you intended a sort of Mr Darcy-esque revelation. It still came across a bit pompous however, so I think you would need to tone that down a little. Or perhaps in your story this is set somewhere in the middle, suggesting he will come to be less pompous towards the end?
You say you lost the story? That's a shame because, reading this extract, it would appear to have much potential.

Yes, I lost the story. You see, I can't write on the computer so I use paper... And I felt bad wasting good paper on so many drafts so I usually use old paper, (like old school notes and handouts) which gets mixed up with my trash. I'm really careless. But at least I'm environment friendly (sort of).

As to where this letter is situated in my story. I'm sure it comes out a little after the beginning since I hardly ever get very far with my stories.

Ahahaha. I love it! I absolutely love it~ The first thing I'd have to comment on would be the use of 'P.S' instead of 'Post script'. I mean, you'd think after ALL those long words that the writer might like to spell out the indication of an addendum! ^_^

Hahaha, the vocabulary rubbed off on me! I thought /some/ of it was a bit strained, like repetition of phrases for the purpose of using different ways of wording them. For example:

When I was younger I was often congratulated for the excellent disposal of my words. Even now at my current profession I am lauded for my abilities at written and spoken expression.

I feel like these two sentences express the same thought and you used them both just for the purpose of using 'lauded' instead of 'congratulated'. ^_^ Um, I also didn't understand why you used the phrase 'disposal of words' when it's obvious that the writer cares VERY much for words and vocabulary. The way you put it, it seems he might throw them away as if they are nothing of great importance.

I really appreciated the premise of this writing though -- the point came across very well and wouldn't have been nearly as clear had you not included the first 'arrogant' section depicting the author's vocabulary. ^_^ Hehe, it's really great! Keep up the good work!

Oo, Angel, it sounds like one of those 17th century loveletters.. at least, that's how I imagine they were. I really liked this piece, but it was far too short!

I have one nitpick - your use of the word "eloquence". I found three. Perhaps you could change them? And the way you write sounds like the man is purposely putting his vast lexicon on display for his lady.

I know.. Not very helpful.. But I can't think right now. Fireworks blaring in my ear.

Cheers,
Lily.

Wow BF! So this must be one of those love letters you told me about? You showed me a few, but i don't recall seeing this one. So Darcy-ish and yet so "originally you". Why in the world were you not born a guy instead? I'll fall in a minute for the man who can write a letter as beautiful as this one! :]

Haha. Thanks coco. I'm happy to be a girl though. See ya in our future school.

Honestly, you have such powerful display of wit in what you have written. I find no fault as to gramatical composition for I was not good at this. I am not a gramatian nor have such indeep skill in this field. However, I can freely express myself in both narrative and poetry writing. Anyway, you have the skill to write and express yourself elloquently and in a manner that trigers the mind of a reader to keep on reading and imagining what you wanted to display. Keep on writing and I knew you can write wonderful and powerful pieces that can elicit the deepness of your thoughts and the magic of your charm and loveliness.

ingat at sana mas lalo kitang makilala
at maging kaibigan ng katulad kung dalita

melvin

I enjoyed reading this love letter that you wrote so passionately . I think you did a very good job and not only was it well written but it had simplicity which is a good key in writing. Great job!

Well, you definitely aren’t allotting yourself enough credit, so let me say this, you are a fantastic writer. I myself struggle with switching in and out of character when I write, but you seem as if you could go from a melodramatic teenage boy to a forty year old woman in under a second, and that is a great skill to have for a writer.