Worship

My hand smoothed over my lover's back. Muscles twitched and relaxed under my touch and a soft sigh escaped to one next to me. My lips followed the path of my fingers, dusting over wide shoulders and down to a trim waist. A grateful sigh slipped out of my partner. My thumbs dug deep into the delicate tissue at the small of his back. The body under me shifted restlessly.

"Stay still," I whispered into the lightly abused skin.

"You might have to tie me down in order for that to happen."

I slid up his body to his ear. "That can be arranged." I made sure my breath skimmed his ear before pressing a kiss to a spot just behind his ear. I smirked at the appreciative groan I received. "Maybe another time," I whispered, sliding the tip of my finger down the shell of his ear. I pressed a tender kiss to the back of his neck. Since I was here anyway, I took the opportunity to slide the tip of my tongue up the side of my lover's neck before blowing cool air on the wet trail.

My hands returned to bare hips and rubbed rough little circles into the bone there, reveling in how easily the skin there melded to my touch when so many other parts of this man were unyielding. It was these tender spots of him I loved the most.

I favored one strong shoulder with a dusting of chaste kisses intermittent with delicate bites, raising rosy spots on the otherwise tan skin. I nuzzled the marks I had made, inhaling deeply. I knew the smell of this man intimately; perhaps better than I knew any other smell. But I never tired in burying my nose in the little patches of exposed skin I could find and drowning myself in the smell of him.

There was nothing sweet in his smell, it was all musk. Completely masculine. Dominating anything that tried to cover him. On rare occasions, I could catch a teasing amount of laundry detergent when I had just deprived him of a shirt, but the smell never lingered very long. It was always eventually overpowered by him. Just like I knew I would be.

Sure he gave me small moments of control, like now. Moments I abused in order to worship him. But I always knew that in the end in was he who was in control. And maybe that idea enthralled me more than any other...

Hi there,
If there's one thing I dislike about romance stories, it's excessive sex scenes. Sex has its place in a romance story (duh) but only when it moves the plot or characters forward. Your little snippet nicely gives meaning to a scene, but there's nothing else. It leaves a reader (i.e., me) feeling like I read a sex scene that was written just for the sake of it and then there was a little bit of meaning tacked onto the end. It doesn't work that way. If you want to write about bedroom scenes, you've got to place it in a context. Who are these people? Why should we bother to read about their sex lives? Put as much care into exploring the worship concept as you did into the sensuous (and, by the way, not too shabby) descriptions, you'll have yourself a nice little look into, say, why a meek girl stays with a guy she knows doesn't treat her well, or a powerful woman who can't stand her dominating boyfriend... whatever. Characters deserve a real life, not just a sex life.
-Aussie

I totally agree with Aussie about this. This leaves the readers to nothing. It gives the readers nothing. And, it tells the readers nothing except this seemingly endless sex scene. But, before anything else, let me just advise you to put the appropriate rating on this post 'cause obviously, this can't be read by younger people, and I believe that this site and it's contents can be accessed by non-members.

On with the review: You gave us no setting. I can't even hardly imagine a bed where they are doing that thing. It was like there were only two bodies. You hardly gave us anything else to imagine. There was also no plot, at least, for me. I didn't see the point of this story. But, maybe there was a plot. Yes, there was, but it is too little to be considered as a plot.

On the bright side of this, you were good at describing the actions although, personally, I wasn't able to imagine this. Regardless of that, you were able to tell how your characters moved 'around' each other. Also, the way the dialog was written is good. Yet, this could have been better if this was just a part of a bigger story 'cause there honestly was hardly anything. So yah, you CAN improve this. Make it longer and bigger. Be more creative!

Lastly, I'll have to say that negative reviews shouldn't bring you down. You should take them in and learn and make something better. That way, you improve.

I guess that's all I have to say. Keep writing.
- Whisperer -

(P.S. This is my first review on this month's review day xD. Maybe it will be my only one. I dunno lol)

Heya

I thought I'd drop by and review this for you because this is a very debatable piece, and I like debatable pieces. You'll get a lot of people who won't like this because of its subject, but for me personally, if that's what you wrote about, that's what you wrote about. There is such thing as erotic fiction. In the end, it's still a piece of writing, and you'd like a critique on it, so here I am! One thing I will say though is that, if I were you, I would rate this because we don't really want younger YWSers reading a piece about sex.

I'm not sure if you could class this as a story as such because there's no real plot or conflict, but that's okay. I would maybe suggest on moving this to other, but it's entirely up to you. This wasn't literally a sex scene, but it came pretty close, and that's all it really was. Your writing itself was actually pretty great; you described what was happening very well, in my opinion. I found your physical descriptions especially very good. You managed to make explicit kissing... well, romantic. It didn't just read as ewww, that's disgusting. It felt romantic, so well done for that.

My main issue is about the whole non conflict or plot thing. Even if it's minor conflict, you have to have that to make a story, a story. You don't have to make the conflict huge or anything. Something as simple as your MC doubting what she's doing,and questioning her love for her partner can count as conflict, so long as you make it clear. Maybe this could be her time of realisation? The time where she decides if she loves her partner. Make sure there's a story behind the scene, even if it's a short one. Or you could go for a more interesting conflict. I get the idea that the man in this relationship rules it a bit. Emphasize on that. That could be the conflict; he's a controlling man. There's lots of places you could go with this.

As a whole, I liked this piece. Explicit sex scenes don't bother me. I mean, there's a whole genre based on this kind of writing. Besides, this wasn't exactly Oh My God! explicit. Technically, your characters were only kissing. With a little more care into the plot of this, I think that it could be a really great piece of writing. Your descriptions are there, so all that you need is to create a strong backbone for this story. A plot that will make us readers feel like we got something out of it by the end.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Heya

Just thought i would say that you are a great writer. You did well with describing the scene and what was happening.
For some people, writing or reviewing a sex scene may bother them- i sugest you put a rating on your work.
i however, had no problem with reading your piece, it was a scene and others should treat it just the same.
Only real suggestion i have is to add someting to the plot, i am not sure what but, it needs something becasue at the moment it really doesnt go anywhere or doesnt technically count as a short story.
Loved it.

Keep writing.
Georgie Xx