The Things I Thought Before I Died: Part Two

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Cam's point of view


I remember where I was when I heard that you were hurt. I was at football practice when the ambulance sped by, it's red lights whirring. All the other guys whooped right back, but I stared, wondering what had happened. When I got home, my mother was crying. You were hurt, she said, and in a bad way. You were hanging in there, she said, but you were weak.


Of course the person in the ambulance would turn out to be my very first girlfriend. We'd only been dating for two weeks when you got into the car accident. And now I'm laying here, thinking of you. You and your gold-ish blond hair and those shiny green eyes. Your pale pink lips pressed against mine and those little notes you sent me in Mr. Cheese-man's room. I smile before drifting off to sleep, because you're the only thing that makes me smile these days.

Mother's taking me to see you. And your parents don't want me to go in, but your mother finally caves. They're crying, crying more than I've ever seen anyone cry. You're laying on a white cot in the ICU. You're in a coma, they tell me. They don't know if you're okay. I cling to the railing by your bed, not wanting to leave. Five minutes, my mother says, before taking one last sorrow-filled look at you and I. You have bruises on your face and a cut on your lips. You've got a bandage around you head and your arm is wrapped in ACE. I whisper the words I've never said to anyone but my family, words that you might not ever say to me. 'I love you' I say, before kissing your cheek, a small square of flesh where you're not hurt.


The next day, I buy flowers for you. You haven't woken up. The doctors say you might not ever. I cry for the first time that day. Hot salty tears slither plumply down my cheeks. The flowers are daisies, white and blooming, and beautiful. Just like you.


My mother says I have to go to school today. I don't want too, but I have to. In Mr. Cheese-man's class, everyone whispers around me like I'm not here. After school, I rush home and do my homework. And then it's off to the hospital. You look better. Your face isn't swollen, but you still haven't woken up. I talk to you for a while, then leave. You're slowly drifting away from me. And I don't want you to.

They're taking you off of life support tomorrow. Please, Taylor, hang in there for me, I beg you, kneeling by your bed and cursing myself for everything. I hate that you're alive but it's not you. I'm there when they take you off of the machine that's helping you breath. The machine makes a bunch of boops and beeps and suddenly, you're alive. Still in a coma, but alive. And I smile. You're alive! Just barely though.
Last edited by trhwrites on Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
TRH Writes




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WHY did you do this to me? I saw the Part Two and figured I would go back and read part 1, and let me tell you, I am a mess right now. Your stories made my heart break, in a very good way. The only critique I have is that Cam not use the same speech tick that Taylor uses, the three words in a row thing. It makes the two characters seem like the same person, and in a story (or two, in fact) where the characters dominate, it is essential that they remain, and are written as, two separate people with different habits and a different voice. After all, in a written work, voice is often the most important characteristic. That is the only thing I have to comment on, and that's strange because I am usually a nitpicky reviewer. Please keep writing?
There is so much said in the silence. But writing, for me, became a way of fighting the repression, of protecting no one, of saying everything. I began to write to save my own life.




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Woah.. There's a writer in the house! :)
I really liked this! I have absolutely NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!
I only think that MOST stories always end kind of happy ya know?!
To add a bit of depth to your story,maybe she shouldn't wake up.
It would definitely make me want to scream and shout and say-WRITE MORE!

And that's a good story..that leaves you wondering and imagining-thinking up your own ending.. Wondering IF AND HOW questions in your mind?!

I think thats a good sugestion but you know-Its your story so I don't mind if you disagree!
Keep writing more..
Kaka girl-I'm following you!?
x x
Got YWS?

If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P




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There will probably be one or two more parts to this :) just letting you know (:
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TRH Writes




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Oh. My. Gosh. Your story is so extremely sad! You have great emotion in this and i love it :)
:D




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:D
I dont know what to say. It is somehow making me sad but yet im am absolutly intreged.
You are brilliant, yes i say it once again.. but it is true.
Keep writing.

Love Georgiexx
Today im happier than a bird with a french fry ;)




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You've got so much emotion in both parts- and they;re both so good! The only thing i can say is that when they all see the ambulance going by and he doesn't whoop. Well, why doesn't he? He doesn't yet know it's Taylor in there, and it seems like that's the customary response to ambulances.
Everything else looks spiffy, I can;t wait to read the next two parts but I'm trying to review as I go so I won;t give away spoilers or read to much into something after I've read it all...
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"
-mary anne radmacher



Go in fear of abstractions.
— Ezra Pound