The Things I Thought Before I Died: Part Three

6 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 2189
Reviews 14
Taylor's Point Of View


I miss you Cam. I don't know where I am and what's happening, but all I remember is the skidding of wheels and the sputtering of engines and the sick, twisted sound of metal crunching. I was with my older sister the day I was hurt. She was driving me home from school and even though it was only 5PM, someone was already drunk.

As the red car bulleted into my sister's silver one, I thought of you. I thought of the way your hair rested lightly on the top of your forehead. I thought of how you pressed your lips on mine whenever you go the chance. I thought of how you put your arm around me, protecting me from everything. As the red car plunges into my side of the car, I think of you, and wish that you could protect me.

All I can hear is you in my mind. You telling me it's alright. Well it's not. As the red car crashed into my door, I felt the metal push against me, like a sandwich that's mushed together. Except I'd rather be squished into two pieces of bread, not two pieces of metal. My sister screamed, but I was silent, my ears pounding in my head. The whole thing happened in slow motion and before I knew it, our silver car was tumbling around on the road.

Glass smashed all around me, a deafening sound erupting in the car. And even though I'm scared and I'm clinging to the seat and all I want is to be on my feet, I think of you. I think of how you always liked cars. I think of those pictures of you that hang up in your house, the pictures of you at the car show. You're standing by all sorts of pretty cars, all shiny and bright. But somehow, it's not the cars that anyone sees, Cam. It's you.

Blood is everywhere. On my head, sticky and red. Bruises bloom like flowers on my faces as I hit my face against some part of our silver car. I want to stop spinning. I want to stop crashing and I want my sister to stop shrieking and I want you. I want you to tell me every thing's okay. But you don't, because you can't. And suddenly, we stop, our car upside down. But we stop.

We skid along for a few moments and my sister isn't shrieking anymore. I fade in and out of consciousness and suddenly, I'm asleep forever. And I'm lost in this white room and all I think of is you, Cam.

I'm not alive, really. My body is, but I am not. I'm either dead, or half way to it. And suddenly, the beeping noise I hear distantly isn't beeping consistently. It makes one long beep and then, I'm not in the little white room Cam. I miss you already.
TRH Writes




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 240
Reviews 98
I really liked this. Wow. I thought it was... disoriented. That was the feeling in the piece. Scary. It make me feel like I do when I am dreaming about falling. Coolio. Keep up the good work, because this was powerful.
Those who dance are thought insane by those who don't hear the music.
Those who fit well into their world don't generally go about changing it.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2608
Reviews 86
Very, very good. Still :)
Yeah, i am going through and reading them all haha.

One thing i would say to change, maybe is..


But you don't, because you can't. And suddenly, we stop, our car upside down. But we stop.

We skid along for a few moments and my sister isn't shrieking anymore.


On the first sentence you have said that you have stopped but then on the second sentence you say, "We skid along for a few moments... See how it doesn't really make much sense??
:D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1079
Reviews 33
O M G!
I loved this so much. You are a brilliant writer!
everytime you write it keeps getting better and better. but also it is pulling at my heart strings and making me very anxious to find out what happens. Keep writing. :D
Love Georgiexx
Today im happier than a bird with a french fry ;)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 648
Reviews 88
Hey!
I loved this!
It was very sweet.
Wow, it was very bittersweat.
I mean the whole death thing was sad and scary(but not in a bad way!)
I hope to find more great writing like this from you!
Thank you for posting it!
And again, I really enjoyed reading it!
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4674
Reviews 151
That piece made me sad, which I assume was the goal, so good job! I liked the description in this piece. The scary part is, the description made it seem, so real! This was a really powerful piece. You really captured the emotion. Great job! Seriously, keep writing!
Forever for All <3

MUSIC RULES! :)

Everyday is Earth Day! :D



Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li