The Things I Thought Before I Died: Part One

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Taylor's Point of View

I met you in math class, when Mr. Cheese-man was talking about integers. We'd never really talked before, not until Mr. Cheese-man moved Dylan, the black-haired boy, to the front and moved you to the back. You'd been here for a week, but you were just a new kid in a class with all these old kids. You sat by me and asked why we call our math teacher Mr. Cheese-man. I told you that he's from Wisconsin. You nodded and we listened to our math teacher who talked way to much for a math teacher.


The next day, I noticed how very blue your eyes were. Bluer than the ocean, bluer than the sky. I could see everything in your clear blue eyes. Your hair is short and blond, and you've got a freckle below your right ear. Instead of taking notes, I stare at you. When you looked at me, I looked at your binder, which is covered with stickers that read 'Fox'. After a while, you tell me that you ride dirt bikes. I nodded and pretended that I'm not curious.


After that day, you asked me my name. Taylor, I said, smiling at you, but trying not too. I asked you yours. And you said Camden. Camden Rhodes. You have a pretty name, I thought, but don't smile goofily. Then you said you went by Cam. Cam Rhodes, I repeated, smiling again, my teeth showing. And now I knew your name. And that your eyes were blueblueblue and your hair was blond like the sun and short, like me. You're tall for an eighth grader. You made me smile, for reasons I don't even know.


Two weeks after I've met you, I came to the conclusion that you don't like me the way I like you. Mr. Cheese-man moves you back to your regular seat and I cried inside that day. Dylan came back and sat by me and that I day I didn't even notice how he kept jabbing himself with pencil lead. I was too busy sneaking glances at you, Cam Rhodes. My heart ached inside when I saw you talking to Jessica, the pretty long-haired girl with blue eyes. I knew you didn't like me then. Mr. Cheese-man gives our tests and I write down the answers numbly, wishing you liked me too.


I was wrong about you not liking me. One day, Mr. Cheese-man called me to the board to figure out a problem. I don't know the answer, but you yelled, "Go Tay." Your own little nickname for me that no one called me anymore. No one except you. My heart rocketed. And I thought that maybe you liked me too.


You asked me for my phone number two weeks ago. I gave it to you, blushing a little. I wrote my last name, which has an 'i', with a little heart instead of the dot. Five minutes later, when I'm on the bus, you texted me. I saved your name as Camden in my contacts. You'll always be Camden to me.


You asked me on a date a week ago. I was giddy with surprise and said yes faster than I meant to. We went to the football game that night and cheered on our team. Go Grizzlies! You yelled, and I smiled. You sat next to me, closecloseclose, the closest thing I've ever had to a boyfriend.

The next day, we were in Mr. Cheese-man's class when you asked me again. A little note traveled from your row to mine and inside it read:
Want to hang out? ----Cam----
It was the most romantic thing I had ever seen. And I was a fool for it, but I said yes.


On the second date, we went to a movie with all of our friends, but all I could see was you. All I could see is you and those blueblueblue eyes and that blondblondblond hair and that little freckle under your ear. We sat closecloseclose that time, without even an armrest between us. I thought you would kiss me. But you didn't.


And then one day, you do. We were at lunch and I had to go to my locker for lunch money. You walk with me, laughing and chatting. After getting my money, we stop for a second. By my locker, we were all alone, the white halls quiet. You kissed me then, your pinkpinkpink lips soft against mine. I was surprised, so surprised that my quarters slipped from my fingers and landed with a plink! on the floor. And then you pulled away and looked at me. We were right next to Mr. Cheese-man's room, smiling.


The next day, I floated on wings. I'm your girlfriend and you're my boyfriend. My very first. And my very last.
TRH Writes




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That was really good, and sort of bittersweet.
I honestly wanted to cry when I read that, which is weird for me.
Are you going to do a part from Cam's point of view?
Please do.
~Kit
When life hands you a BAD ROMANCE, pick up your TELEPHONE, call ALEJANDRO and JUST DANCE!




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Yes... I will be writing Cam's POV of view in like five seconds (: lol. Glad you liked it. Please read Cam's POV!


~~~~TRHWrites
TRH Writes




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---Sadness is welling up---
Wow! YOu sure know how to write about emtion. Your ending was perfect and your description was perfect.
I wouldn't put too many of threethreethree words in. It's kind of... impulsive?
Any way..
Great story,
I have now read all of this story..
Good work.. Pm me when you write more.. Because I DO WANT TO READ MMORE! DEFFO!?
Follow me please..
Kakagirl Xx
Got YWS?

If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P




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Hey-oh!

I must say, your title really drew me in. I wanna know how the whole story comes down to that! Very nice hook.

I agree a bit with kakagirl about the threethreethree words. A few of them impulsively are fine (like the first time and maybe a few times after), but it gets a bit repetitive really quickly. A cute little quirk of speech in a moment of excitement gets annoying when we have to read it so many times in so short a work so far.

you yelled, "Go Tay."

Here you have quotation marks around your dialogue, but here
Go Grizzlies! You yelled

you don't. Pick one and stick with it? I think either would work, but not both.

And then one day, you do. We were at lunch and I had to go to my locker for lunch money. You walk with me, laughing and chatting. After getting my money, we stop for a second. By my locker, we were all alone, the white halls quiet. You kissed me then, your pinkpinkpink lips soft against mine. I was surprised, so surprised that my quarters slipped from my fingers and landed with a plink! on the floor. And then you pulled away and looked at me. We were right next to Mr. Cheese-man's room, smiling.

You've got some wonky stuff going on with the tenses there. The rest of the story is in past tense, but then in this paragraph, you have some sentences in present and some in past. Might want to smooth that out a little bit.

All in all, I kinda liked this. I want to know what happens next. Moving on to the next part...

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.




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Hey, Born here! :)

I liked this piece of work. It was cute.
One thing i would say to change is the way you right three letters right next to each other. I really don't see the point of it, and it got kind of annoying and even made me want to laugh - which isn't what you want.

I don't know the answer, but you yelled, "Go Tay."


Awwwwah <3! So cute :)

Also, maybe you could say what type of person Taylor was. Because i know that there are a lot of stereotypes in primary school/highschool. Maybe she wasn't in with the 'popular' group so when Camden yelled out - "Go Tay." - everyone looked at him weird, like, why are you talking to her? But he acts as though he doesn't care because he likes Taylor.
Or maybe you could do it in reverse, she is popular and when he yells out everyone yells, "Woo Camden, you're in." :) You know, something like that. It just gives us abit of information about Taylor and the way she is seen in the class. You don't have to, of course. I'm just sort of rambling here so i really don't mind if you don't take any of my advice. :p

Well, PM if you have anything else to review.
Born xx
:D




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Aawwwww...
it was so, so ....wonderfully brilliant.
I loved the way it was written. At the begining i thought the closecloseclose thing was going to get irratating, but it didnt, you pulled it off- Congrats :D
I didnt find anything actually wrong with it, you seemed pretty fine with the gramma/spelling side of things.
Now im off to read Cam's POV. ;)
Love Georgiexx
Today im happier than a bird with a french fry ;)



I think I have thankfully avoided being quoted.
— Lavvie