Pink Roses and White Ribbons

Every girl dreams of the big day - her wedding. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what it’s like, because well, it hasn’t happened. At least, not yet.

I imagine my wedding to be graceful; like a ballet dancer. The warm ocean air will gracefully caress my face as I walk down the isle. Each step I take will leave footprints in the light brown sand. There will be pink roses; light pink, like the color of ballet shoes. Bouquets of them will be placed all around, and the thin white ribbons that tie them up will blow in the warm night.

The tiki torches will line the isle and fill the air with a tropical aroma. They will light the path that leads me to my prince. The dancing flames atop the torches will leave a soft warm glow on his face. As soon as our eyes meet, that instant, time would stop. Everything that mattered earlier that day will rush out of my head and love will overflow my heart. The amount of emotion I feel at that moment can not be described using words. Love fills my heart so rapidly it will drop; and a burst of happiness will swell in my eyes. Then he, and everyone else, can see what it means to be married; what it means to be in love.

Step by step, footprint after footprint, I will remember a memory for each one I will take. I will think of our first kiss. A spark that can be said to have led to this actual day. I will think of the first time I cried in front of him, and how he held me and told me everything would be alright. The unexpected surprise of when he first told me he loved me. That memory alone would reassure any doubts or hesitations I will have. In my mind ‘love’ never had a meaning until the day he said it to me; until he said, “I love you.”

Walking next to my father I will feel safe and secure. When I look over at him I will see one lonely teardrop slip down his pink, worn out, cheek. He will stare back at me and I will smile. The kind of smile that says, “I’ll be okay. I’ll always be your little girl.” He will return a shy but proud grin and remove his arm from mine. One kiss on the nose, and he will give me away to the love of my life.

I will take a few steps to be directly in front of my soon to be husband and he will gently grab my hands. His hands will be rough but warm. His fingers will find the empty spaces between my mine and softly tighten. To ensure his love and devotion will stay secure, he will gently grip my hands harder as a sweet loving smirk will spread across his face. The preacher will perform the ceremony, but my mind and my eyes will only be focused on what’s right in front of me.

After what seems like forever, the preacher finally will say, “You may now kiss the bride.” A rush of excitement will race through my veins; leaving my heart pounding and head spinning. He will remove his hands from mine and gently place them on my waist. His hands will gently tighten and he will kiss me as if it was our last kiss.

The moment our lips will meet a surge of emotion will hit me like a bolt of lightening. As my eyes are closed my feet will feel lifted and my heart will seem to beat faster and slower at the same time. We will unlock our lips and stare into each others eyes. His hands will still be placed on the hips of my white dress as he mouths the words, “ I love you. ” We will smile at each other only because there’s no way we will be able to hold it back. We will be happy; really truly happy.

Once I hear everyone cheering I will look out into the ocean of guests. The sun will have just set and the lighting inside the mosquito net tent will help the tiki torches brighten the open room. As I look out, I will see my mother; crying with both happiness and sadness. She will look beautiful, like she always is. I will blow her a kiss and give her a smile to show her I’m happy and she should be too. She will grab a tissue and dry her deep blue, honest eyes. And then she will smile back.

My new husband will grab my hand and whisper in my ear, “Are you ready?” I will look at him and nod and we will stride down the isle toward the waves of the ocean. Ready to begin our life together, from beginning to end -forever.

Later that night at the party, I will converse with friends and family as they all wish me the best and congratulate me. My best friends will come up to me and make jokes about how they thought I was going to fall, or be the next runaway bride. We all will laugh, and get drunk, and party until someone spills their drink on the DJ’s music stand.

After telling everyone thanks for coming I will return to the altar and grab a bouquet of the pink roses with the white ribbon. I will untie the ribbon and take a single rose from the bundle. The rest of the bouquet will be tied back up and placed on one of the white wooden chairs that sat a guest from earlier that night. I will hold the rose in one hand and the ribbon in the other as I walk back to the party.

My dad will be chatting with family members as I walk up and ask him if I can have a moment alone with him. He will happily agree and will hug me. He will tell me he’s happy for me. I will reach for his hand and tie the white ribbon around it without saying a word. He will ask what I’m doing and I won’t say anything until I finish tying it. Once the ribbon is secure I will look at him and tell him he won’t forget me because I’ll always be with him, I will always be there when he needs me, and I will always love him. We will hug each other for a very long time and we will tell each other that we love each other, and this time we will both let out a tear.

As I dry my eyes I will search for my mother; she will most likely be near the bar. As I spot her getting another drink she will see me and open her arms wide for a big hug. As we hug she will tell me how happy she is for me and how handsome my husband looks. She will complement me and place a kiss on my cheek. I will hand her the rose and will tell her that she’s the one who has given me so much happiness and love through the years and that I don’t know if I would be here today without her. I will thank her for the beauty she passed on to me as well as the intelligence. She will start to cry but this time it’s all happy tears and we hold each other as we both talk about men and the life ahead of us. We will have drink after drink, and our tears will soon turn to the kind you get when you laugh so hard that you can’t breath. We will make a toast to both of our lives being filled with love and happiness and the mother and daughter bond we have will last forever.

My husband will come over to me after the toast and wrap me in his arms. He will say he’s been looking for me everywhere and kiss me. He will ask me to dance and I happily agree. As we hold each other a feeling of safety will overwhelm me and I will look up into the stars. He will look at me and then look at the stars. When he looks back at me he will kiss me on the cheek and will say, “That reminds me, I never told you how beautiful you look.”

Hi there! I'm Amie and I'm going to be your reviewer today, so i'll get on with it...

Every girl dreams of the big day - her wedding. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what it’s like, because well, it hasn’t happened. At least, not yet.

This isn't gripping enough to be an opening. It needs completely rephrasing...Maybe something along the lines..."I wish I could tell you what it's like. I wish that it had happened to me. I dream of it like every girl dreams of it. I imagine it in the greatest detail. The biggest day of a girls life. Her dreams her wishes all coming true on one magical day. Her wedding."

I imagine my wedding to be graceful; like a ballet dancer.

This doesn't work, you could compare the bride to a ballet dancer but not the entire wedding. If you want to keep the ballet picture maybe compare it to a ballet recital/dance/show or something.

tropical aroma

Don't forget the one main rule of writing - show don't tell, so instead of telling us that it's a tropical aroma - describe it to us in detail so we make our own conclusion. It's always good to invite the senses for your reader because they can't see or smell any of it so you need to make it so that they can imagine it all as though they're apart of the scene too.

When you talk about her dream wedding, I think it would be better to talk about it as if she's there experiencing it, so she has taken us into her dream. So with an example - "The dancing flames atop the torches will leave a soft warm glow on his face" take out the will and it sounds nicer and helps the reader to imagine they are there too.

Can not = cannot

I will think of our first kiss. A spark that can be said to have led to this actual day

needs rephrasing, maybe "I will think of our first kiss - the first spark that led to this actual day."

"alright" - all right

That memory alone would reassure any doubts or hesitations I will have

Either delete "will" or replace with "may"

my heart will seem to beat faster and slower at the same time.

Ok, so i've definitely heard this before, in the Hot Chick movie to be exact, so it's either from that or just a cliched saying - either way I wouldn't use it because it's either someone else's 'work' or a cliche, neither of which are good.

Do you not use Microsoft word? Because mine is picking up on a lot of silly mistakes, which could have been avoided. Things like others instead of other's and using a semicolon when one isn't needed.

mosquito net tent

Is there no actual name for this contraption because i think it would be better to call it by its name and then say something like 'used to keep the mosquitoes out'

She will look beautiful, like she always is.

always does/always did definitely not always is.

complement

I think you mean compliment - they have two different meanings.

I will thank her for the beauty she passed on to me as well as the intelligence

She's complimenting herself her and it seems a bit big-headed. I think she should thank her mum for qualities that she has passed down to her daughter just not these two qualities in particular.


Okay so you have a nice story here. Though at times it seems like a list, i would do this, then i do this followed by this. You don't have to describe each step just capture the essence of it all. I mentioned about general errors before so maybe use the spelling and grammar check to iron these out. Also at one point I though that her mother was dead, and it was her ghost that she seen.

But like i said, it's a nice story and it's only general revisions that need making! Good job!

Well thank you for your input, that was the first story I've ever written so I'll try to do better next time. Your comments really helped! Thanks again!

I actually like this story. It's description was good and it made me feel like I was the bride. It made me think that I might actually do the same thing in the future with the pink roses and ribbons. Good Job!

Thank you so much! You just made my day

Ello, I'm totally gonna review this whole thing for you !!

NITPICKS
You have so many issues with commas. Everyone has issues with commas, especially when they are just beginning to write. So I'm gonna be a nice kid and point out some of the comma areas for you.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what it’s like, because well, it hasn’t happened. At least, not yet.

Should read: "Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what it is like because, well, it has not happened for me. At least not yet. *Please not that I also took out the contractions, which I really don't like in formal prose.

Then he, and everyone else, can see what it means to be married

You don't need that first comma. It makes your writing clunky.

I will think of the first time I cried in front of him, and how he held me and told me everything would be alright.

All right is two words and that comma is not needed.

When I look over at him I will see one lonely teardrop slip down his pink, worn out, cheek

The second comma is not needed.

One kiss on the nose, and then he will give me away to the love of my life.

Comma not needed.

Semi colons. They are pretty funky little things. There are basically two rules when using the infamously misused semi-colons.
1. Each side of the semi-colon must be a full sentence. This means that it has both a predicate (verb) and a subject. Here is an example of where you use one wrong:

I imagine my wedding to be graceful; like a ballet dancer.

Where is the verb? Where is the subject? The only thing that the phrase on the second half of the semi-colon possesses is an indirect object! (I think). Instead of the semi-colon, just use a comma.

2. A semi-colon is meant to basically connect two sentences. Most of the time you could just use a period. However, when the second sentence is sort of explaining the first you use a semi-colon. Here's an example: "John looked silly; his hat had a purple flamingo on it." This is proper use of a semi-colon. When in doubt, just use a period. Here's an example of where a period would be better:

As I dry my eyes I will search for my mother; she will most likely be near the bar.

Both sides of the semi-colon are full sentences, but it would all around be better if you used a period instead.


Just take out all the funky dashed line things. They make your writing clunky, amateurish, and informal. I dislike them greatly.


TONE & SENTENCE STRUCTURE
This is obviously very dream-scape-y. This tone is accentuated by the fact that basically every sentence starts with "I will." I understand that the MC is dreaming ahead, but you can still keep that dreamy feeling without using "I will" to start every sentence. Vary the structure of your sentences and the words that they begin with.


PLOT
Ah, yes. Every girl does dream of her wedding. Even I admit that I have. However, we don't really plan other girls weddings, do we? One of my good friends is getting married and, honestly, I don't care much about the wedding as long as I am invited! I don't wanna know every detail of some random girl's wedding. Although the language you use to describe this is very intriguing, I'm basically not interested. This might be just me. The plot in this is very "blahhhh." I mean, everyone's been to a wedding or at least has seen one on TV. We already know the drill, and this wedding is nothing special. If you do a little more to capture the emotion of this event, it may draw more interest.

Hope I helped! PM for questions/comments
Cheers,
Lena

nice.. that's all I can say.