Young Writers Society

THE NAIL SCARRED HAND
In the beginning, it was all about the beauty. But then there was the beast and the beauty needed a savior but in the end, it still came down to beauty.
Beauty. It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People have varying opinions of beauty.When it came to Amy, things were a little different. Her beauty was commanding.
For an 18 year old, she had received more advances than many women would receive in their entire lives.
Amy knew men found her irresistible but the things men did around her was beyond her understanding. She remembered the lecturer who literally taught her alone through the whole lecture period, He didn’t do any other thing but stare at her and talk to her. He was talking like someone who was unconscious or just waking up from a coma. Until she stood up to leave, he never stopped talking.So many things had happened that she could not understand. Her beauty had a way of turning people into laughing stocks, people had been involved in accidents, marriages broken and so many other evils had befallen people only because of her beauty.
Men called her so many pleasant names but then, men were not to be trusted. The only man close enough to earning her trust was her father but he seemed to be melting under the heat. He was behaving very differently nowadays. At times, he would stare at her like he had a schoolboy crush on her; he talked to her with a tone she would expect from a lover and not a father and the way he was always calling her ‘Love’. She could only hope that ideas were not germinating in his mind. Let men call her whatever they wanted, let them die to get her attention, it changes nothing. It does not change the fact that exactly18 years ago, her parents gave birth to a problem in formed of a child and they called it Amy.
Though many men would worship her and many adore her, though many would give all to have her, one man detested her. In fact, he detested her beauty more. It had gotten on his last nerve. Her beauty was ugly and it wasn’t even beauty. He hated when men called her beautiful. He hated the men that called her beautiful because they were blind. Beauty was more than great hair, blue eyes, a well developed figured and so on. Beauty was about the heart and Amy’s heart was ugly.
Evil had a stronghold in her heart and he should know. He was the foundation of that evil. He knew her before she was born, he chose her himself. That day, at her naming ceremony, he marked her. Since then, he had been at every major junction of her life, ready to guard her from making the right decisions. He owned her heart, her inside and he manipulated her outside to fit his purpose. Someone might ask who he was to own a person and make such mess of her life. Among men, he had no equal. He could win anyone battle he fought. He could bring any man to his knees. He was all powerful, all knowing, most superior. At least, he thought so and made others think he was, very few really knew him.He prayed they never would. One thing he was sure of was that he was proud, very proud. It was his way of life to be proud. Well, Amy’s good looks were no longer of importance to him. He’d used them to his satisfaction and pleasure and then a beautiful container does not go very well with an bad product and this product was very, very bad.

Amy's heart was also pounding. She needed to run, they were after her.


This is my first story here, please review and help me get better at this

You focus too much on this concept of ultimate beauty.

Classic romantics and victorian writers might emphasize this easily, but you beat it into the reader again and again without really moving on to the point, description this is not, its more like overbearing repetition.

The concept at the center of all this is very good and I'd love to see it expanded upon, just dont do the kind of 1 2 3 1 1 2 1 2 1 writing pattern here, always returning to the begining just for a kind of reminder.

Even when the antagonist is revealed, nothing is truely explained or expanded, I'd like to know who he is, how he came into contact with her and why her beauty is disgusting or detestable.

Also the thing with the father seemed demented, I'd want to see that explained more in depth, I know this is just an opening but it still was more like a pamphlet read than an introduction.

Work on this and please put out a first peice, I'd love to see what you can do with this.

Best wishes and Merry Christmas.

This is good but kind of confusing.

Hey Gam!
I'll review your story today!
First of all, I have to say that I think this had potential but it seems as if you just wrote the first things that you had on your mind and didn't really mind editing, trying to get this piece to its full potential.
As Eraqio said, you seem to throw at us that she was beautiful, you "tell too much". In writing, you should show not tell for as you said at the beginning beautiful to me can be plain ugly to you. Readers need to see what you see and in this piece you are throwing at us that she has a great a beauty.
Beauty in Classic romantic was shown through many points of view, many different kinds of beauty.They managed to emphasize beauty in a subtle way but it was always there. So i would recommend you read some of those classic romantic. Really, reading, is one of the writer's best friends.
Now on to the plot, I guess this is the first part, so I can't really judge your plot. But I can tell you that you should move on from the point of her beauty because it's not really helping the plot. Try to define a plot line and its pace, because this is not really moving on.
Now the characters, Amy is barely described and all we know is that she is beautiful and has a dark heart. And you told us that, it would be better if you showed us why she was mean and why she was beautiful. I don't really get what's the point of naming Dick, Tom and Harry, I mean you named them once and that was it. How are they going to help the story? You should try to develop their part a little more so that us reader can understand a little more what there part is on the story. So far, they are only random people in the story.
The father part, I liked it, but you could develop it a little more. It was nice-in it's own, very sick way. You could add a little more of what she felt, what she thought because you give us hints that actually are quite confusing.
Now for the antagonist part, confusing in the extreme. Why? Because I can't see what his part is, he is mentioned and we know he's evil. But what else? You can develop this a lot more and make it fit into the story. It was really quite confusing, because you can expand this a lot more and show us who he is, why he is the way he is. But remember, show not tell.
So that's all I can say for the main story line, the grammar was acceptable but I think you could use some proofreading to get rid of those little mistakes that you have.
So, I liked it and hoped I helped.

XOXO
Pudin