It's very short and very bleak, but let me know what you think.
Last year I decided to kill myself.
It was early autumn and I was happy. Walking to work in the crisp morning air, with the russet leaves crunching beneath my feet, I felt as if nothing could go wrong today, or any other day for that matter.
Last night my boyfriend, Tatum, had proposed during a candle lit meal he’d prepared whilst I was at work. I replied with a jubilant “Yes!” and flung my arms around him. After slipping the ring onto my finger he’d gently taken my face in his hands and kissed me softly on the lips. A jolt of electricity seemed to course its way through my body as I melted against his firm torso. He lifted me, one hand beneath my legs, the other beneath my shoulders, and carried me through to the bed room. After laying me down on the soft mattress he began kissing me once more. Although he’d barely touched me, I remember that I’d never been so aroused in my life. My skin felt sensitive and a little clammy, my nipples were hard and aching, and the tingling between my hips was driving me crazy.
Tatum broke off from the kiss and put his hands against my breasts. He massaged me through the thin fabric of my blouse for a minute or so, before unbuttoning the soft, silk garment and spreading it open. He gave me another quick peck on the lips before lowering the focus of his attention. When his lips closed over my left nipple I let out a pleasured moan. I remember feeling a little embarrassed; after all, all he’d done so far tonight was kiss me. He chuckled quietly and bit down. Then he went wild: kissing, sucking, biting and squeezing every inch of my breasts until I was practically screaming with delight.
‘Fuck me!’ I gasped. ‘Dear god, fuck me!’
‘Patience sweetheart,’ he whispered, his tongue flicking against my ear lobe. ‘We’ve got all night.’
He ran his hands down my body until he reached the hem of my skirt. I lifted my hips to allow him to drag it slowly down my legs and off. First my skirt. Then my panties. For a moment he did nothing. He just gazed down at my naked body like a teenager who’d never seen a naked woman before, except in his dad’s magazines. I smiled up at him and giggled bashfully.
‘What are you waiting for?’ I asked.
‘Sorry. You’re just so beautiful,’ he replied before placing his hands on my ankles and gliding them up my legs until they rested against my thighs. He then pushed my thighs slowly apart, revealing to him my swollen excitement. He placed his fingers against my damp lips and began to stroke them. I threw my head back in ecstasy but managed to keep myself from coming. The thought made me smile. Since when do women have to worry about coming early? Although, when he put his tongue against clitoris and pushed two fingers inside me, I couldn’t control myself. I practically exploded. I’m sure my wild screams of passion could’ve been heard miles away, but I didn’t care, this was the happiest day of my life.
So why the fuck did it have to happen?
The next day, Saturday, we decided to spend the day together painting the front room. Tatum had popped out early to get some more paint whilst I got lunch prepared, ready to throw in the oven when we got hungry. That was at nine o’clock. At eleven he still wasn’t home. Probably stuck in traffic, I thought. At midday came the knock at the front door. I opened it and was greeted by two police officers, one male, one female. I swear I almost dropped dead there and then. I managed to keep it together though.
‘Sabrina Mitchell?’ The female officer asked.
‘Yes,’ I replied in a small voice.
‘May we come in?’
I nodded and showed them to the unpainted front room. The officer told me that I may wish to sit down. I did as advised.
‘I’m afraid we have some bad news.’
I shook my head; I didn’t want to hear it.
‘There was an accident in town, a car crash.’
I knew what was coming, but please god, let me be wrong.
‘One of the vehicles involved was an oil tanker, the other, a red, W-reg, Ford Fiesta.’
I continued to shake my head as tears streamed down my face.
‘I’m sorry Miss Mitchell, but your boyfriend died on route to the hospital.’
‘Nooo!’ I screamed and put my face in my hands. ‘No, no, no, no, no, noooo!’
The officer crouched down next to me and began to stroke my back comfortingly.
‘Is there anyone we can call for you?’
I shook my head.
‘Is there anything we can do for you?’
I shook my head and continued to sob.
After a few more minutes, sensing their reluctance to leave me on my own like this, I said.
‘I want to see him.’
‘Miss Mitchell, we have a positive ID, there’s no need for you to…’
‘I need to see him. Please.’
Half an hour later and I was at the morgue. Inside room 3 stood a gurney. Atop it was a body covered by a sheet. I’d been told that the wounds Tatum suffered were mainly to his torso, his face was fairly unscathed. With the mortician standing at the other side of the door, I approached the gurney. Reaching down with shaking hands, I slowly began to pull back the sheet. I crumpled to the ground at the sight of my fiancée’s lifeless face. Sobbing and kneeling on the floor, I managed to pull my self together.
I stood up.
Looking down once more I whispered. ‘Why?’ and bent over to kiss his still warm lips, the same lips that last night brought me so much joy and pleasure. It was too much. I turned and ran out the door and down the various corridors until I came to the main foyer. Once outside I slumped against the wall and began to sob so hard that my whole body jerked. A young nurse came over to comfort me.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ She asked.
‘I…want…to…go…home,’ I managed to reply.
‘I’ll call you a taxi,’ she said and hurried inside.
Back at home, I jumped in the shower immediately. I don’t know why, I just felt unclean. I scrubbed every inch if my body with my sponge until my skin was red and sore. I couldn’t even be bothered to dry myself; I just walked through to my room and lay down on my bed.
Two hours later I woke up, naked and shivering. I’d forgotten that I’d opened the window earlier. Still, I didn’t get up to shut it; I didn’t get beneath the quilt either. I just lay there, cold, tired and heart broken. My thoughts went back to last night and how I wished it had never ended. I imagined Tatum here with me, his warm body against mine, putting and end to my uncontrollable shivering. I ran my hands over my body, imagining that they were his hands. His hands touching me, squeezing me, stroking me. I placed my right hand between my legs and slid three fingers inside my cunt. I masturbated for the next hour, all the time wishing it was Tatum here with me.
The next day was when I made the decision. I barely slept that night – how could I? I hadn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday, but still I wasn’t hungry. Neither did I feel like cooking. Hell, I’d only just found the effort to put some panties on. Walking around the house wearing nothing but a flimsy, see through pair of panties certainly draws some attention. A few of my neighbours had knocked on my door to see if I was alright. I’d replied that I was fine and they’d left, clearly unsatisfied. A couple of the local teenage boys had sat on the pavement outside the front room, waiting for me to pass through, until their parent’s had spotted them and dragged them away by their ears. The phone rang a few times. I let the machine take the calls. Of course it was more people asking if I was ok.
By mid afternoon I’d had enough. I went upstairs and ran a bath. I stepped into the almost scolding water without so much as a pause. With me I had a bottle of vodka, sleeping pills, and a Stanley knife. I downed the pills with half the bottle of vodka. I’ll admit that I nearly threw up, what a waste of time that would have been, and retrieved the knife from the floor. Beneath the water I put the blade against my left wrist and dragged it across. It hurt like hell. Sobbing, and starting to feel a little faint, I did the same to my right wrist. The water was quickly turning red. I knew I’d be with Tatum soon. As I began to drift off, I heard the faint sound of sirens getting closer and closer. Don’t you dare, was my last thought as the world around me went black.
You have a good story here and I hope you continue it.
