Forever and always.

Aww, how cute. I love this. It is really nice.

One thing, other then all the little miss spells, a little grammar probs.

You said:
“How are we going to support ourselves?”

“We’ve got our collage funds, and that will put us through collage and then…”

“Where are we going to collage?”

“I was hoping to tag along with you; I don’t really care where I go.”

I didn't know who was speaking, maybe put one name on these, just to identify who is speaking.

Help? I hope. Anyway, good job! I am going to reread part 3!

-- M.B.Author

Hey Alice!

Jack pulled the black velvet heart shaped box out of his pocket and looked at it. Did he have the guts to ask her? He hoped so. Would she say yes? He hoped so. Would she get mad at him for asking in high school? He hoped not.

"the black velvet heart shaped box" is really messy. You need commas, and a dash. "the black, velvet, heart-shaped box" is better, I would say. Heart-shaped goes together, and when ever you have more than one adjective, you need commas following all the ones except the one right before the noun. Also, I don't really like all the repetition in this paragraph but.. I'm not sure what I could suggest you change it to.

“You’re what?!!!”

You don't need all the exclamation points. You can just use ?!

“mom, dads so far into the addiction he won’t give a crap!”

Mom and Dad should always be capitalized unless you are saying my mom, or my dad.

Her dad answered the door, with a cliché scowl on his face [period] Jack knew it was fake, but it didn’t help his nerves nonetheless.

I would cut out "nonetheless". It's just... I don't know, doesn't really do much for the sentence.

He was left temporarily breathless by her beauty.

Breathlessness is incredebly cliché. ^_^

sarcasm rolled off of her tongue like chocolate.

this is weird, considering chocolate doesn't usually roll off of one's tongue, but rolls down one's throat. I understand you are trying to say that what she said is sweet, but it doesn't work.

When they arrived at the prom, Jack was all too aware of the velvet box in his pocket getting heavier and heavier. But he didn’t know how to ask her. He felt so retarded, it was even screwing with his dancing.

I love the idea of it getting heavier, but why not do some showing? Talk about him tripping over his feet when dancing, or perhaps he runs into a girl who gives him an incredebly dirty look. Not so much telling! ^_^

]Later in the night when they were walking out to his car he stopped, catching her arm, “we need to talk.”

because what is before "we need to talk" isn't a dialogue tag, you can end the sentence in a period, and capitalize we.

uncaring about the dirt on his suit

Ew.. Say "not caring" instead of "uncaring". It doesn't fit in this way.

I love you like Edward loves Bella

Alright... well not only does this irritate me because the books irritate me, but you're automatically kicking some readers out. What about those people who haven't read twilight? If you're going to use an allusion, you need to use one that almost everyone will know. Twilight really isn't at allusion status yet.

“Now, we need to discuss somethings don’t we?”

I believe "somethings" should be two words.

Eva shrugged, “probably out with Marcy, or something,” she shrugged uncaringly.

She just shrugged twice in one sentence--not good! Also, "uncaringly" isn't a word, and those aren't dialogue tags, so they don't need to have commas with the dialogue.

From what I remember of the last part, this has the same problem.. It's way too much dialogue and not enough anything else. I know I sometimes write pieces that are 80% dialogue, but the dialogue is the main focus of the conflict...And here, no offense, the dialogue isn't that good. It's just... blah, dialogue. Time goes by way too fast. Why should I care about them? How are they feeling? You know... The usual stuff. The stories there, but there is no conflict, and I don't care, and your characters are incredebly flat and not realistic and... ^_^ It's a first draft, so that's fine. Just keep all this in mind when you go to rewrite it! If you do.

very good, and i loved how you used the edward- loves- bella allusion but don't take it over the top with the stephanie- meyer- novel- vampire allusion. just a little to much twilightism for me, even though can't fault you for loving the books!