[pre]Dying Dreamer
The sun set and darkness cover the sky. Bats start to fly. Cold breeze of air begin to come out from its silence. Stars wrap the sky with its glossiness. And sleeping is the next thing to do but sleeping from reality is waking up to what so called the “the truth”.
I hold something keeps me from thinking for a long time, my dreams.
I’m always happy; I always laugh and never fake a smile until a part of me dies.
Going to school is fun but sometimes you just get so used to it that you start to feel boredom. Whenever I’m into it I start to day dream. Dream many things especially about him. Yes, him. Thinking if he would notice me, if he would look back and come near me. I set aside the fact that he would never be mine. As the time goes on I close my eyes slowly and as I do this I try to imagine his face, imagine how he smiles but it’s unclear. He is quite rough but really nice and thinking these things makes me want to stay here forever, the world that I’ve created in my mind. As I open my eyes little by little I die. Seeing him with her is the toughest part of my life and my Achilles’ heel. But doing nothing is one thing I’ll forever regret.
Waking up to reality is always a nightmare and a curse. I can’t say what I really feel for him but the hardest part is to know that he would never listen. Every single day something is being stolen from me and someone is killing me. Each day is my death penalty and school is my grave.
But until that day these thoughts start to fade.
I was walking alone in the covered walk; it was already 6:00 pm and I can already see the dullness of the night but then the light of the moon gives a yielding sense that something good will happen. I stop for a while and stare at the moon. And I suddenly remember the old days when I was still in high school, I smile and started to walk again. I was not able to notice a man in front of me and I bumped into him. I stopped for a while and picked up my things on the ground; He handed to my book and left with no words. It seemed that someone called me. Pulling me to where I came from. But I never returned. The moment of rejection sealed my fate.
I see nothing until now, hoping that the male last mention might know and come. But that sensation turned into a hemo in the ground. Slowly things started to move out of my sight and the things I’ve held on to for so many years are just illusions of my own reality.
“I remove my own love in my own heart, thus I kill myself. Never have I survived in my own dream. But why now I’m in this cage of white and black.”[/pre]
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