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Voices IV: We miss you...

Duskglimmer · 2006-04-11T19:44:15Z

The restaurant was crowded as we entered. It usually was since we didn’t come here unless we had a large group. Usually, we just settled for somebody’s house when we wanted to hang out, but when we had this many of us together, we tended to drive the people around us crazy. Better to do that with some waitresses that we never had to see again, than to forever imprint out parents’ minds with thought that they would never host a gathering like that again. I followed Kelly in, looking for a table that had room for the two of us. She steered toward the back of the room, where some of the guys had claimed a booth tucked into the corner. “Nope, not here,” Ben said, sliding over to make sure that Kelly couldn’t sit down at the booth as we approached. “This is the singles table only, babe,” he went on, smiling. “You’ve gotta go sit with your boyfriend.” Kelly laughed. “Alright, Ben.” She walked happily across the room to where her boy, Jason was seated with his friends at another table. I turned to follow her, smiling myself. “You don’t have to go, Jenn,” Jay told me from his seat opposite Ben. He scooted around to give me room on the bench next to him, the other guys at the table shifting as well. “Have a seat.” “Oh, yeah,” One says. “We’re single now.” She takes a seat, looking at the guys at the table. Four bites her lip. “Yeah…We are.” Three plops down in front of my eyes, grinning as she looks at Jay. “And perfectly available.” “Three!” One and Four say in unison. “Well, we are,” Three returns. “But they’re our friends,” Two reminds her. “Just friends.” “Exactly,” One agrees. “We like it that way. No worrying about what they think of us, or if we’re losing them or not. Just pure, honest friendship.” I slipped into the seat beside Jay, smiling as I settled my purse and coat at my feet. “What’s up guys?” I asked. “Not too much, we were just talking about…” Ben trailed off, looking at Zach beside him. “Are we allowed to tell her?” Zach nodded. “She’s cool. In fact…” He leaned over the table looking at me. “Maybe you can give us an answer.” “I can try,” I said, shrugging. “Shoot.” “Well,” Zach began. He paused choosing his words wisely. “We were just wondering what is up with clothes designers that choose to make booty shorts…” My head sank into my hands. “He didn’t,” One says, trying to suppress her own laughter. “He did,” Three assures her. “No, no,” Zach told me. “I’m not finished.’ I looked up, trying hard not to laugh. “Go on.” Jay bit back a smile as he saw my face. “Okay,” Zach said. “So what is up with clothes designers that choose to make booty shorts, and then write words across the back of them? Do they think there is something extremely attractive about this?” “We hope and pray not,” One says. “If they do, they’re crazy,” I tell him. “But then, I do think they have more than few screws loose.” “Ah,” Zach said, nodding as if that explained everything. “The curse of the loose screws.” I laughed. “Right.” “So are you gonna be at the party next Friday?” Matt asked looking at me from Jay’s other side. I blinked. “What party?” Matt smacked Jay lightly across the shoulder. “You said you were going to tell her, man!” Jay raised his hands in front of himself in some form of defense. “Hey!” he objected. “She hasn’t been online over the past few days.” “Yeah,” I said, coming to Jay’s rescue. “Don’t blame him. I’ve been busy lately. School’s being annoying and eating all my free time.” “See.” Jay dropped an arm around my shoulders. “I would have told my girl if I’d had the chance.” I blinked, looking at his hand where it rested on my arm. “Did he just…” One asks as she and Two stared at his hand. “Oh my…” Three says, glancing at Jay out of the corner of my eye. “Why didn’t you catch her at school or something?” Matt asked, still looking at Jay accusingly. “Because Jenn is one of those awesome homeschoolers,” Zach told him. He shook his head. “You’re just out of the loop, aren’t you, Matt?” Matt looked at me curiously. “You’re homeschooled?” “Um, Jenn dear,” One says, pointing to my shoulder. “Jay dear still hasn’t moved his hand.” “I’m thinking he needs a little reminder that friendship does have limits,” Two agrees. “Um, yeah, definitely homeschooled,” I told Matt, looking down at Jay’s hand. “But you know, Jay, I don’t know what you’re callin’ me your girl for, because I thought this was the singles table.” I pulled his hand away from my shoulder and he drew it back into his lap, jokingly looking disappointed. “Darn,” he murmured. We laughed. “Okay,” Matt said, turning toward me. “So since my idiot friend forgot to tell you…” Jay looked at him warningly, but Matt ignored him, continuing. “There’s a party at my house next Friday at eight. We expect you to be there because it…” He met my eyes, looking dead serious. “Is going to rock.” “Alright!” Three says excitedly. “Party at Matt’s house! We are so totally there!” One looks over at her. “My gosh… must you always talk like that?” Two just smiles. “It should be fun. Let’s go.” “Alright,” I told him, laughing. “I’ll see if I can arrange my weekend accordingly.” “’Arrange her weekend accordingly’,” Zach repeated, looking to Ben. “Don’t you just love the way she talks?” Ben just shakes his head. “It’s so… “ He looked for a word. “Sophomoric?” I supplied. He looked confused. “You’re a Junior.” “I know,” I replied. “Sophomoric means that I think I’m smart, but I’m not.” Ben thought about that for a moment. “That definitely fits a Sophomore. But you’re a Junior.” “I know, but…” I stopped, just shaking my head. “Hey, guys,” Leo said, appearing beside me at the table. My stomach suddenly tightened at the sound of his voice. “Oh, no,” Four whispers, sinking back. “Is he really here?” “Yeah.” One eyes him seriously. “He is.” “And why shouldn’t he be?” Three questions. She looks up at him easily “These are his friends too.” “Why do we still feel this way about him?” Four asks, trying to slip further back. “It’s been six months. We haven’t been dating him for six months.” “Because we loved him,” One murmurs. “And he said that he loved us.” Five entered abruptly, glaring up at Leo. “He lied.” “No!” One and Four yelled. “He said what he thought was true!” they continued, driving Five back “He never meant to hurt us.” Five slowly faded away. “Hey, man!” Matt said, standing up to clasp Leo’s hand across the table. “Long time no see.” “Yeah,” Leo said, smiling. “I’ve been busy. I just got off work actually.” He pulled aside his trench coat to show them his uniform. “I figured you guys would be here.” “Well, have a seat, man,” Matt told him. Matt, Jay and I shifted around to give him room beside me at the end of the bench. I turned slightly away, trying to keep my attention on the others, though I couldn’t help by notice the feel of his arm against mine in the close packed booth. “No,” Four says. “We’re not doing that again. No more crushing.” “So, Matt,” Ben began, stirring up the conversation again. “Are we gonna pull out the potato gun again Friday night?” Matt looked uneasy. “I don’t know, Ben…” “Potato gun?” Leo asked. He leaned forward in interest. “He built his own potato gun,” Ben told him. “Come on, Matt. That thing’s amazing.” “The last time we had it out we nearly killed my neighbor’s dog,” Matt said, shaking his head. Ben didn’t seem to see the problem in that. “So?” he asked. Matt and I laughed. “My parents weren’t thrilled,” Matt explained. “Killjoys,” Ben muttered. Leo nudged my arm as they continued. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Are you alright?” “What?” I asked, slightly surprised. “Are you alright?” he repeated. “Why do you always have to ask?” Four questions, the emotion draining from her voice. She swallows, her eyes showing all the hurt that her voice doesn’t. “I’m fine,” I told him quickly, trying to return to the others’ conversation. “I feel like we haven’t talked in ages,” Leo went on, drawing me back. “Who’s fault is that?” Five asks, creeping in again. “I know I haven’t called,” Leo told me. “Excuses. You said the day we broke up that you’d still call me every night,” Five reminds. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You promised,” Five spits. Four looks down, remembering everything Leo had said. One looked at her in concern. “It’s alright,” she says comfortingly. “It’s fine,” I told him quickly. “I’ve been busy too.” “Hey, Jenn,” Zach said, interrupting Leo and I. “Thank you,” Four says. “Your dad’s the movie person,” Zach went on. “Do you guys own Monty Python?” I shook my head. “No, sorry.” “What?” Ben looked shocked. “How can that be? You’ve seen it, right?” “Yeah,” I told him, shrugging. “But it’s one of those movies that it’s funnier to talk about and quote with your friends than it is to watch.” “What?!” Matt looked at me, stunned. “But what about the Holy Hand Grenade?” He launched into the monologue, quoting the movie word for word and I laughed all the way through it. “See?” he demanded at the end. “It’s funny!” “Yes,” I told him. “But I’m quoting it with my friends, not watching it." “Oh…” he looked away in frustration, trying to figure out how to finish his own sentence. “Freakers,” he said finally. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. The conversation continued smoothly as we moved on from Monty Python and into the subject of explosives and the way they are portrayed in movies. I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled that much and soon my cheeks literally hurt from laughing. But every time I looked over at Leo, he was looking back at me, a strange mix of admiration and affection in his eyes, all hidden behind one of his defensive walls that I had learned to see beyond a long time ago. Or maybe I hadn’t learned to see beyond it as well as I thought. Maybe I was wrong. I had to be wrong. “What is he thinking?” One asks, looking at him in irritation. “Why is he looking at us that way?” Four wonders. “That’s the way he used to look at us,” Three says. She straightens up, looking at him. “Maybe—“ “No,” Four interrupts. Her voice is taught. “No.” I tried to pay attention to what Jay was saying at the time. Something about Black Hawk Down. My mind wasn’t focusing, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Leo, still eyeing me with that same expression. I turned to face him slowly, meeting his gaze, but he didn’t look away. “What are you thinking?” I asked quietly. Leo looked down, laughing it off. “Nothing.” “Don’t let him shrug it off that way,” One orders. “No,” I said, almost sharply. I stopped, readjusting my tone. “Tell me.” Leo met my eyes again, smiling. “I was just thinking about how much I’ve missed you,” he whispered. “No,” Four says. “Not again.” “No,” Five says, stepping in, her voice much firmer than Four’s. “Never again.” She glares at Leo. “Let’s get out of here.” “I’ve missed you too, Leo,” I said, looking away as I gathered my things. I pressed him lightly on the shoulder and he got up, looking confused as I slipped past him. “Where you going?” Jay asked, seeing me get up. I smiled at the other guys at the table. “I’ve got to be heading home. I’ll see you all later.” “Friday,” Matt reminded. I smiled. “Right. Friday.” I turned and headed toward the door. “We came with Kelly,” Two says, her voice growing anxious. “We can’t just walk out on our friends.” Five ignores her, eyes focused on the door. “We have to at least tell Kelly that we’re leaving!” Two says. “She’ll freak later when she can’t find us.” “Jay or Zach can tell her that we went home,” Five tells her. “But we don’t have a ride!” Two tries one last time. “So, we walk,” Five snaps. I pushed open the door quickly, going out into the cold night air. Leo came running out after me as I threw my coat over my shoulders, refusing to look at him. “Jenn, what’s going on?” he demanded. “Nothing,” I told him, looking down the street. It was going to be a long walk home. “So what?” Five asks. “Jenn!” Leo stopped me as I started to walk away. “What do you want from me?” I turned back toward him, watching as he froze when he saw the cold look in my eye. “Nothing,” I told him softly. “And certainly not that.” I gestured back toward the restaurant. “What?” Leo took a step back to look at me. “I’m not allowed to miss you now?” “No,” Five tells him. “Get out of here!” One commands Five “We don’t need to say that to him!” Five looks at her harshly. “Why shouldn’t we?” “No,” I told Leo. “You can miss me. You just can’t tell me that you do. Cause I can’t believe it anymore.” Leo looked at me incredulously, trying to wrap his mind around what I’d said. “What? What are…?” “You say you miss me every single time you see me,” I told him, stepping back. “But you don’t act like it.” “Not in the least…” Five says. “You tell me you’ll call and then you don’t. You promise me things, and they never happen. I can’t trust you anymore, Leo.” One looks at him, watching his expression painfully. “No… Please… We don’t really want to do this to him.” “Don’t we?” Five questions. Leo swallowed, trying to keep his own actions under control as he met my eyes with equal fierceness. “I’ve been busy, Jenn. I’ve got work and school and—“ “And so do I!” I cut him off. “But it’s been a month, Leo! You can’t even find ten minutes to drop me a line in a whole month?” I paused. “You say you miss me, Leo. If you really did you’d find the time.” I clenched my fists, turning to walk away. “Jenn!” he said, running to catch my arm and turn me to face him. “Whatever happened to you saying that we couldn't leave angry at eachother?” Four hung her head. “That was to help keep us together,” she whispered. “We’re not together anymore,” Five points out harshly. “We don’t even know who you are anymore.” “Stop, Five,” One says, stepping in front of her. “He’s trying.” I closed my eyes, trying to fight tears that I knew were coming. “I am angry, Leo,” I said. “I’m trying not to be.” Five begins to blur around the edges, falling silent as she fades away. I glanced up at Leo, my gaze softening. “But the only alternative is to be hurt. And you can’t stand to see me hurt.” I turned away, my eyes beginning to burn. “Jenn…” He touched my arm, trying to draw me into a hug. I backed away, shaking my head. “I don’t want anything from you, Leo. If you really miss me, fine. Just say it now, and I’ll believe you.” Four bit her lip, crying inaudibly. “We really will… but…” I stopped him as he opened his mouth to speak. “But you’ll have to just keep missing me, because I can’t listen to you anymore.” The tears were running down my cheeks, leaving cold trails across my cheeks. I didn’t really care. “I don’t know when you’re telling me the truth and when you’re selling me a line.” “Jenn…” he tried to cut in and I backed away again. “You are so good at selling lines,” I whispered. “You’re so smooth. You know how to say exactly what I want to hear.” “I’m not,” he insisted. “Jenn, I’m not selling you lines.” I smiled sadly, shaking my head. “There you go, selling me another one.” I took a deep breath, meeting his eyes one last time. “I just can’t afford to buy them any more, Leo. I’m sorry.” Turning, I started away, leaving him behind me. Four looks back over my shoulder, watching him as he stands alone in the parking lot simply staring after me “We really do miss you, Leo,” she whispers. “It’s just…” “We miss the one we could trust,” One says, coming up behind her. “If we ever could have trusted you.” “We’re sorry,” Four murmurs. “For everything…”

Shriek

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Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:15 pm

Shriek says... · Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:15 pm

Oh ... that kind of went over my head with the voice five thing. -Blush-

But, yes. That part that is both your favorite and mine reads well. -Rereads it again because she likes it so much- Very well. =D

i thought you were shallow, but then i fell in deep.

Quote

'The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Voices IV: We miss you...

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