Awaken

2 posts
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Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
Night dawns,
Little is found but silence,
Broken only by the gentle snores.

Curtains are drawn, candles left half burnt
Wheels come to a halt, shadows disappear into deeper darkness still.

Yet I lay,
awaken,
to the sound of music in my memory.



This is my first ever time writing :| please dont go too harsh~ @>_<@ Much appreciated, thank you~ ^ ^




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Gender Female
Points 1147
Reviews 374
awaken shoud be awakened with a 'd.' Other than that, there weren't any grammatical mistakes and the poem had a nice flow, so good job with that! I'm not sure what my opinion is about the last line; it's kind of just there, I don't feel it completely fits with the rest of the poem, though that's my opinion and there's a good chance I'm wrong; I'm sure I've been wrong before. Hope this helped, sorry I didn't have any real critics for you.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel



The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
— Jack Hanna