Young Writers Society

Hi JCK. O.O

You have no idea how much I enjoyed this poem. It made me think. It flew awesomely. It wasn't long. The stanzas were just perfect. Every sentence, every word... OO I wouldn't change anything. Changing something would be a crime. CRIME, I tell you! xD Lol.

Just one more word left to say...

Amazing! <33333

~Solly<3

I always go for form, structure and composition of course the matter because that is what makes one a writer a poet or anything whatsoever

Great read.And I agree.. sad indeed...

Wow this was amazing, it was perfectly done and the stanzas were even and didn't seemed forced. I really liked it and could understand what it said. It makes me think of a poor robot or a droid, doing what its told, computing things, and you have to wonder... does it have human thoughts? Feelings? Does it understand things? I found this moving. Great job I absolutely loved it and would love to read more from you! Five owls out of five.

This is really good! I especially liked this part:
An eye within a mind that doesn’t watch

I don't know... That line is just so accurate i guess!
My only criticisms are some grammar mistakes:

As the beast awakens and screams,
perhaps not a beast, though surely a scream.

Here, remember you do not always need commas. I would use a double dash for this line because it kind of interrupts the flow of the sentence. It's also a fragment. There should be comma between that sentence and "will it gaze..."or somehow reword it.

Or will it see more? And cry within.

And cry within is not a complete sentence, it should be somehow connected to the last one or reworded.

mind without body, and soul's a question

The 'm' should be capitalized in mind.

Ok here:
An eye within a mind that doesn’t watch, (no comma)
but knows and feels and realizes.
With intelligence not of its own, (Fragment)
through wires and circuits and components.
Statements and mathematics rule it, (No comma)
but may no longer control it, in time.


Otherwise, i absolutely LOVED it.
Good job!