You, Are Anything, Everything, Never Nothing.

4 posts
User avatar
Gender genderfluid
Points 88
Reviews 134
He stares at me,
eyes forlorn.
He asks me who he is-
does he really not know?
He tells me he's popular,
and through that mist,
he can't figure out,
just who he is.
So I tell him.
You,
are the artist,
worker,
thinker,
wonderer,
inventor,
dreamer,
but,most of all,
who you want to be.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4822
Reviews 220
Wow, quite a nice sweet little poem. Nice and small, because of its size and simplicity I can't really say much. The grammar seems sound and so is the flow of the poem. I like that shape of it, although I feel like there is no reason for a fancy shape. Although it is short I don't think you should add more, its good as it is.
Because it's quite simple it doesn't have the complex techniques, although maybe a more defined rhythm or something like alteration could have added something extra but honestly it's not needed.

This is fantastic!
Stay gold, Ponyboy - S.E. Hinton




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5497
Reviews 117
Hey there! Your poem was amazing, really. Although it was small and simple it was very fulfilling. At times, I think you were very keen on using a hyperbol that kind of made the poem a drag. Like for the part where you mentioned that he is a worker, thinker, inventor et cetra et cetra, it kind of got tiring scrolling down just to find one word.
So you might want to work on that. Other than that, well done! :D

Keep rhyming!
-JT
If I were to have a super power, it would be to time-travel, so that I could turn back time, and erase your very existence.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 67548
Reviews 1634
I really like this poem because it was short, simple and very inspiring. I like the beginning, and the last line was very touching. I liked how you listed all the things that he could be if he wanted (or is). I found it really nice and I think more poems should be written like this.

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015



For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein