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Points 906
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Started out little smoking weed 'til it's dry
later needing something different, something else to try
So let me introduce myself my name is Cocaine
i play with your mind and mess with your brain
I spread like poison straight to the head
get addicted to me your hanging by a thread
I take your money you snort it away
when push comes to shove i meet you half way
I was born to be sold and make the wealthy rich
some have been murdered and found in a ditch
I'll take your teacher and turn her into a stripper
dancing extra on weekends 'cause no one will tip her
I've made a nerd drop his books and a queen break her crown
once you've walked down my lane you can't turn around
I'm worse than abortion your babies will be born addicted
i'll make your life worse than you have ever predicted
I've destroyed many people some were heroes
i'll decrease your bank accound from millions to zero
Thoughts of suicide running through your mind
you think your not worth it so you snort another line
I dround out your loved ones and take away your pain
you can shoot you can sniff i'm still in your veins
So now that you know me what will you do
the choice is yours it's all up to you
Take my hand and hold it close
just remember the life you chose




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Points 946
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This poem was, in my mind, amazingly beautiful. Your flow is incredible, your sense of the topic is outstanding, your an amazing poet, keep it up can't wait to read more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 :D
Last edited by PWeezyBaby1 on Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Points 1425
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Amazing poem! Wonderful flow and you rhyme beautifully. This has a lot of potential. Just work on punctuation and capitalization. It's a serious topic and you did a really good job. I think it would make people think before trying drugs. I loved it!




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Started out little smoking weed 'til it's dry
later needing something different, something else to try
So let me introduce myself my name is Cocaine
i play with your mind and mess with your brain


This Stanza in a way foreshadows what insanity might come up




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Points 668
Reviews 131
Started out little, smoking weed 'til it's dry I feel that punctuation was missing here

later needing something different, something else to try

So let me introduce myself ,my name is CocaineAgain missing punctuation

II (typing error) play with your mind and mess with your brain

I spread like poison straight to the headto your head, or to your mind flows in better

get addicted to me your hanging by a thread (This portion left me questioning the meaning)

I take your money , you snort it away

when push comes to shove, I i meet you half way

I was born to be sold and make the wealthy rich the wealthy are rich,- make the wealthy richer, or sth

some have been murdered and found in a ditch

I'll take your teacher and turn her into a stripperouukayy…

dancing extra on weekends 'cause no one will tip her Is this lyrics? Or poetry?

I've made a nerd drop his books and a queen break her crown

once you've walked down my lane, you can't turn around start new para here

I'm worse than abortion ,your babies will be born addicted

i'll make your life worse than you have ever predicted

I've destroyed many people some were heroes

i'll decrease your bank accound account (assets fits better) from millions to zero

Thoughts of suicide running through your mind

you think your not worth it so you snort another line

I dround This spelling is wrong, what r u trying to mean out your loved ones and take away your pain[/i]

you can shoot you can sniff i'm still in your veins

So now that you know me what will you do?

the choice is yours it's all up to you

Take my hand and hold it close

just remember the life you chose
I hope your intention was to show ppl this is wrong. The rhyming scheme went on well, I guess. The concept was clear, but it seemed to deeply lack emotion and imagery (which seems to be the concept behind poetry) Alittle rough and the I s were small lock in many places. Also include the comas. It’s just a little rough, but I think the subject of poetry caused that effect
"The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it
regularly went cuckoo."
-- Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters"



No one is perfect; not even your reflection.
— Chalkboard Words