I really liked this. I like the harsh reality of it and how you've made some stanzas more dramatic than others. I also like how you use some long technical words amongst other common words- they fit in beautifully.
"Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean it isn't real?"
This is good. I liked the little touches of foreign languages that made it seem sophisticated, and I'm sorry, but I laughed at the end when you said he was fucking Olive. I realize that the narrator was hurt by this experience, but the harsh way you put it was funny. If anything, maybe make the rhyme scheme more consistent. Good work:)
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.
This review is a completely pointless review whose purpose is to be a review only in characters because nobody can rightly review a piece that has been deleted, and seeing as how this piece has been in the Works with 1 Review queue for quite some time, standing in the way of bringing the count in said queue down to zero, here I am giving this a non-review review to knock it out of the queue.
Consider this a review IOU (boy are you racking them up) for one work of any form, to be redeemed whenever you wish.
