The Boy Who Became My Shadow

Spoiler

Based on...somebody...

Imagine a time where we are formed
Of Two, not One, a bitter number,
Never alone or empty-hearted,
Made of Two Faces, Two noses,
Yet One heart pulsating beyond
The shared spine of our backs.

I suppose if love was only so simple
It would mean that it would last,
And no, it really isn’t so,
For we are not One heart and
Two hands forever pressed
Palm-to-palm, embraced.

I do not forget the time when we
Were almost formed to One thing,
A time when you were my shadow
And I was yours, I would suppose,
Our heart a single glimpse
At what time was; we didn’t look.

No we never looked at time
Because we knew ours dwindled;
Since when was time so threaded?
Yet with Fate’s scissor-snap
We had fallen into different times,
Unmelded and unshadowed.

Imagine my awakening to find
That you aren’t there with the sunrise,
My loyal shadow, always at my side;
I am afraid this loss will
Take me too, because…I am you.
I find it takes Two hearts for One soul to form.
~*~

Awesome Poem. Its great. keep writing. oh make it a novel it would interesting. Well have fun with it. Oh yeah. join a team while you still can. have fun with it you do great.

That is really nice. I enjoyed reading it. It gives an interesting perspective on relationships and love in general. I have one comment though and one thing that I found confusing. First, when you said, "Our hearts (or heart) a single glimpse,"
I think to continue the flow that I think you are going for, you might want to chose one, either heart or hearts. Second, at the beginning when you wrote, "Of Two, not one, a bitter number," and when you said, "I find it takes Two hearts for one soul to form," why did you capitalize two and not one? It is just a little confusing. But other than those two nit-pick comments, I found it amazing and inspiring. Thanks for posting it.

Keep Writing,
-Xreigon

Hi there!

This is a great poem. You did a good job making it flow and keeping up the rhythm. You put a lot of emtion into this and your imagery is great.

Since when was time so threaded?
Yet with Fate’s scissor-snap
We had fallen into different times,
Unmelded and unshadowed

I absolutely love this part, especially the reference to the Fate's. Great stuff!

Sorry if this review wasn't very helpful, but I liked this poem so much I didn't really have anything to say! Keep writing!

Hello! I'm no romantic...not in the least, but, I liked this. It's got a good flow, which is always good, and your word choic is also quite nice. So, I'm going to do this stanza by stanza. Here goes:

1:

Imagine a time where we are formed
Of Two(does not need to be capitalized), not one, a bitter number,
Never alone or empty-hearted, (Period)
Made of Two Faces, Two noses, (Again, two does not need to be capitolized, unless I'm missing something...)
Yet one heart pulsating beyond
The shared spine of our backs.

I like this as a first stanza. It gives imagery for the rest of the poem to follow.

2:

I suppose if love was only so simple
It would mean that it would last, (Period)
And no, it really isn’t so, (Change "And" to "But" It makes more sense I think)
For we are not one heart and
Two hands (Comma here) forever pressed
Palm-to-palm, embraced.

3:

I do not forget the time when we
Were almost formed to one thing, (Period)
A time when you were my shadow
And I was yours, I would suppose, (Period)
Our hearts (or heart) a single glimpse
At what time was; we didn’t look.

Paves way for the next stanza, I like it.

4:

No we never looked at time (Comma)
Because we knew ours dwindled;
Since when was time so threaded?
Yet with Fate’s scissor-snap
We had fallen into different times,
Unmelded and unshadowed.

Reminds me of a slow sad song, not sure why. I really like this one.

5:

Imagine my awakening to find
That you aren’t there with the sunrise, (Period)
My loyal shadow, always at my side;
I am afraid this loss will
Take me too, because…I am you.
I find it takes Two hearts for one soul to form. (Two, again.)

Overall I like it. It's easily relatable and simple and it flows very well. Keep writing.

Woooooow! Great poem! Such a creative and original idea to write about! One of the most powerful metaphors I have ever read! The flow was spot on and the rhymes were beautifully done! My only suggestion is;

Our hearts (or heart) a single glimpse

Maybe just use " Our heart", since you have explained the metaphor enough through out the poem....you do not need to clarify. The lines I LOVE!

For we are not one heart and
Two hands forever pressed
Palm-to-palm, embraced.

This kinda makes me wanna cry! Great job! You are a fantastic writer!