A Book Of Excuses (poem extract)

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1507
Reviews 98
Spill
Spill all your insides onto my floor
You said that you would tell me
So why are you not speaking?
Why look at me like that
When you know just what I want
When you know I won't give in
For a change

I want to close my eyes
Because I'm afraid of you
But I'm scared of what you'd do
I've known that look before
And the way you're moving closer
So close I can feel your heat

But I will not give in
Just tell me, try to explain
There will be no reasonable excuse
But you can't use that ticket anymore
That's no way of getting out of it
Those soft tender lips

God damn you
Lord hate you
You wromed you way out again
Not that I care any longer
Your hands feel too good on my skin
Your smell is overwhelming me

I'll let you this time
But next time
Next time it will be different
Oh the trees!
Take me back to London please!!!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 176
Good rhythm, flows well etc..but i dont really like the topic. I dont like saying it, but its overdone almost. It doesn't really have much purpose either...is it supposed to move the reader...remind them of something..or just tell a story? It's a bit jumbled. A LOT of potential though, if you get yourself into a theme or subject you can really get into i think it would turn out amazing. You should experiment with different styles and see what fits you best, because as i said..you've got tonnes of potential.

Anyhoo, good work nonetheless!
Muse xx
"Sometimes we see a cloud that's dragonish,
A vapour sometimes like a bear or lion,
A towered citadel, a pendant rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory,
With trees upon't that nod unto the world,And mock our eyes with air.."




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1507
Reviews 98
I guess I didn't exactly put my best into it...
Oh the trees!
Take me back to London please!!!



the children yearn for instagram reels instead of bbcode
— floodlights