Maybe, I'm a Pencil

Alright, maybe I'm a sharpie
I'm permanent and creative
And when I make a mistake
I turn it into something beautiful

Or maybe I'm a ball point pen
I'm resourceful and I get things done
And when I make a mistake
I scratch it out and forget about it

Or possibly I'm a pencil
I'm regular and normal
And when I make a mistake
I erase it and replace it

And I might not be as special as others
but I know I'm one of a kind
While the others are just copies
There is nothing else like me

Even though I'm normal

Hi CrimsonArrow! I like your poem and I like the metaphors. My only problem is that you use way too many commas. Try reading the poem out loud, pausing where the commas are, and see how it sounds. Then, take away all the commas and just read it out loud naturally. This way, you can determine where your commas are really necessary.

Good luck on your journey into poetry!

I don't know if this is what you were going for, but I think it's a sweet poem. The tone is almost child-like (in a good way, I mean, not that it's immature or anything), and it the way its written reminds me of when you ask a kid what he wants to be when he grows up and he tells you very confidently, "The president of the United States". It's got the kind of surety of identity that only children have, and I really liked that.

I agree with the first reviewer, however, about rhythm. I like the repetition of what happens when the speaker makes a mistake, but I think you could have done a little more to play with language and create a strong rhythm that emphasizes what you're trying to get across with the poem.

Maybe this is just my opinion, but I feel like this poem lacks grammar. But I like the message. To me, it's clear. You are talking about how even though you look the same as everybody else, you are different. I like it. Keep it up.

I like the creativity of the metaphors! I haven't seen something like this before! Certainly unique! I also like how it's straight forward, not meandering, better to get the point across.

It was a good first poem! I liked your referances to pens and.. office supplies. It was cute and sweet. Although, I'm not sure about the ending? Maybe it's just me. I think you could add a little more? Maybe more.. office supplies! Haha. Anyway, it was a cute little poem and be proud for your first!
If you need anything feel free to ask me! I'd be happy to help! Critiquing-anything!
--Hayley