A Page of Clay

Ok, seriously, I was bored. Don’t judge too hard. Just some random thoughts.



I am the creator, the page is my clay
I will set my imagination free.
The world around me matters not,
Because I’ll create new ones;
Ones to be discovered by the bravest explorers.
I’ll create new people and new kinds of people, too.
I’ll create the mighty hero, the dark villains,
And the clash between them to be remembered forever.
I alone will control the skies,
I’ll make them roar and flash in glee!
But one world’s not enough to satisfy me:
I’ll create them all!
I’ll rule the oceans and conquer the lands.
Alone I will decide all fates.
I’ll create people that I know better than myself.
They will reflect my inner most thoughts,
My deepest desires…
I will gallop on a mighty mare,
Greater than any that live!
Her mane will be black, as would her glossy coat.
Such a beauty she will be to behold!
I’ll give hearts love and give them hate.
I’ll bring lands peace; doom them with war.
Such a battle to the end I’ll create in them,
Full of valor and glory never to cease!
Worlds of sacrifice and bravery, malice and trickery,
And I’ll watch as good overcomes.
Such wonder that could never exist I will create!
I, of many worlds…
I, of many names…

Mwahaha, evil dictators for the win!
Ahem.
Good word choice/phrasing, as I sometimes find poems of these type to be a little too straightforward. But this has you know, specifics, images, all that jazz.
I feel that it would be stating the obvious to say that this piece conveys emotion well. But it does.

My favorite phrase: "the page is my clay"
I have to assume that you like that too, seeing as you named the poem after it. xD

While we're pointing out specifics, I also really like: "I alone will control the skies, I’ll make them roar and flash in glee!"

"They will reflect my inner most thoughts," - innermost? Unless I'm mistaken?

As a side note, this suddenly reminded me a bit of Queen Mab's speech in Romeo and Juliet. I don't really know why...

First off, thank you for reviewing my poem, World That I Create.

This poem, I thought, was really creative. Your word choice was very olden times (I am not sure how to describe it. That's the best that I could do. ) It flowed beautifully and had great images in the text. One thing I noticed was some comma errors. I have this pet peeve about commas.

Okay, this line : "I alone will control the skies," The alone should have a comma before and after it (... ,alone, ...)

"Alone I will decide all fates." There should be a comma after this alone, too. (Alone, ...)

"I’ll give hearts love and give them hate." There should be a comma after love. It would make the line flow a lot smoother. (Like a pause thing, you know? )

Same with this line : "Full of valor and glory never to cease!" A comma after valor.

"Such wonder that could never exist I will create!" In my opinion, a comma after exist. It adds a dramatic pause to the line, which will flow even better, in my opinion.

See, I'm a comma freak. Anyway, I thought the poem was really creative and great. The flow and imagery was beautiful, and I liked the message of the poem. You're talking about writing a story, and the emotions behind it. It was a good idea for a poem, and I am glad you were bored because you wrote a beautiful poem out of it. Thanks for that.

And, do you have your World That I Create poem on here?? I would like to read it.

In the beginning it was kind of just...random, but it kept getting stronger and stronger as you went along. By the end I was completely breathless(figuratively).
It ended up being a awesome poem of epicness(a top rated one at that)
you captured a lot of things I really love about writing, I had to read it a few more times to capture it's full essence.
This is the first thing I've seen by you, and if you say it's your best...can't wait to see what else ya got!