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thegirlwhofateloves
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Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:53 am
thegirlwhofateloves says... · Wed Nov 30, 2005 11:53 am
Deleted. No one, including moi, liked this anyway.
Last edited by thegirlwhofateloves on Sun Jan 29, 2006 5:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Bjorn
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Thu Dec 01, 2005 12:07 am
Bjorn says... · Thu Dec 01, 2005 12:07 am
Maybe a comma before sigh, or just swap another word for it (unless the people are the ones sighing)

Not bad; and I like it. Personally I'd call it-Smack, Crack, Black
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Jennafina
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Thu Dec 01, 2005 4:26 am
Jennafina says... · Thu Dec 01, 2005 4:26 am
Is it possible to be killed by glass?

I think this would flow better if you took out 'Ignore the scarlet of my head'.

As a mere shadow I watch myself die is my favorite line.
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thegirlwhofateloves
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Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:38 am
thegirlwhofateloves says... · Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:38 am
I didn't mean death by glass in a literal sense. It could be taken to mean anything - like crashing into an image of yourself - not just as it is written :wink:
I don't particularly love this poem to be honest, though!
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Big up the YWS Massive!

....And I still don't know what SPEW is....
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