Young Writers Society

A BIRTHDAY POEM FOR FRIEND


You've been gone awhile and I've
missed you so,

and now birthday wishes it's time to
bestow

I hope you have a good one, filled
with so much joy

I don't know what you want, would
you like a toy?

I wish I could be there to spend this
day with you

But I'll give you this poems in hopes
that it will do

So now I'll say "Happy Birthday
friend , My Dear"

perhaps I can give you a better and
beautiful gift next year...

This was touching. Your friend is blessed to have a friend like you, and happy birthday to them! This poem had a child-like happiness about it.

You've been gone awhile and I've
missed you so,

and now birthday wishes it's time to
bestow.

I hope you have a good one, filled
with so much joy;

I don't know what you want, would
you like a toy? This line seems like it is just here to rhyme, and it does not flow as well as the other lines.

I wish I could be there to spend this
day with you,

But I'll give you this poems in hopes
that it will do.

So now I'll say "Happy Birthday
friend, my dear,

and perhaps I can give you a better and
beautiful gift next year..."

Just punctuation really. Great job!

Hi I'm taria and I'm going to review your poem, hope you don't mind ^^
First of all let me say that your friend is lucky to have you, and I hope he/she has a great birthday!
So here are some line by line comments:

You've been gone awhile and I've
missed you so,

and now birthday wishes it's time to
bestow [the word order seems a bit strange to me, but then again you often have to change it because of the rhyme. Just pay attention to your rhyming so it doesn't look forced. (I know I have too) ]

I hope you have a good one, filled
with so much joy

I don't know what you want, would
you like a toy? [again looks a little forced, but i somehow wouldn't want to change it. it gives the poem a kid like feeling that i like and fits well because later you talk about what you might give them next year]

I wish I could be there to spend this
day with you

But I'll give you this poems in hopes
that it will do

So now I'll say "Happy Birthday
friend , My Dear"

perhaps I can give you a better and
beautiful gift next year...

I'm not sure how i feel about dividing each sentence in to two lines, but I guess if you didn't the lines might be too long.
All in all just a very sweet poem. I liked it a lot ^^

Keep writing!

Thanks friends for those comments...and I hope I'll try to improve my poems...but Happy to see that you friends are here to correct my mistake...
Btw today I wish this poem to my frnd and lovely sissy, they both have birthday today. Thanks