Young Old Wise Fool

I refer to a lot of people as young old wise fools. To me, it makes perfect sense--young at heart, old in body; young in body, old in mind--wise about life, foolish about love; wise about love, foolish about life.
(The punctuation after "old in mind" is bugging me.)

The poem itself is about me. It's a rambling run-on sentence poem on purpose, because I'm writing in stream-of-consciousness style. (I'm good at that. It's my rambling brain.)

Also, HNNNNNGGG. I can't decide on the line spacing. Should there be fewer line breaks? Is it good as is? I can't decide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm a young old wise fool
stumbling in light who boldly
shrinks
yet fights
yet avoids
confrontation

I'm an open
closed book
that's always
running while
I drag on
through my days.

I don't want to speak
I want to be heard
as I shout
quietly
while minding my own business
and trying to fix
everyone's problems

I'm a new-fangled rebel
clinging to old fashioned beliefs
who pushes away
while drawing close
and tearing apart
the things I want to hold together
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hrn. This needs finishing. And it lacks cohesiveness.
Oh well.... I just thought I'd get it out there.

Hi! I've havent got much time today but I'll try and post a proper review later and help you with an ending. For now, This was great! the sentences were stark and blunt and well-thought-out.

This is my favorite stanza:

animekaratepup wrote:I'm a new-fangled rebel
clinging to old fashioned beliefs
who pushes away
while drawing close
and tearing apart
the things I want to hold together

I'll do a thorough review later!
~Amelia

Hi there.

Firstly, I really like the phrase "Young Old Wise Fool"

Secondaly, a lot of the lines in the poem are really great. For example

"while minding my own business
and trying to fix
everyone's problems"

And

"I'm a new-fangled rebel
clinging to old fashioned beliefs
who pushes away
while drawing close
and tearing apart
the things I want to hold together"

I really love the style of this poetry. I would really love to read more like this.

Good job.

Interesting poem. Suggestions in red, critiques in blue.

I'm a young old wise fool
stumbling in light line break here adds sense and sensibility
who boldly shrinks
yet fights
yet avoids
confrontation

I'm an open closed
book that's always running
while I drag on
through my days. I think that the stanza sounds better this way, and a bit cooler.

I don't want to speak
I want to be heard
as I shout
quietly while minding
my own business and trying
to fix
everyone's problems Same deal as in the last stanza.

I'm a new-fangled rebel
clinging to old-fashioned beliefs
who pushes away
while drawing close
and tearing apart the things
I want to hold together

I like this, it's a bit lacking in power/vivacity to me, but others may enjoy that. Stream-of-consciousness isn't too easily judged anyhow. Hope this helps; keep writing!

It kind of made sense upward, until the third stanza, or should I say second stanza? Oh well, it could use a bit more, but then again, it also works well pretty much the way it is.