My Conviction

Hey guys,
I'm dipping my hand in some poetry again since I just recieved my anthology book with my published poem in it. (It gave me some confidence ) Be gentle, but as well tear it apart.
Thanks

Sometimes
You just have
To shut the world out.

Grab a pen or pencil
And go

Leaving reality
In your dust,
Chocking and sputtering

As you fly,
Into a magical paradise

Break away
The chains, and
Cause some chaos

You’ll love yourself
Better for it

Hi! first of all, I really loved this poem! I loved the innocence and the simplicity of the piece. Here's a nitpick! lol:)

Rascalover wrote:Some times (put them together - ie, sometimes)
You just have to (to should be on the next line)
Shut the world out.

Grab a pen or
Pencil and go

Better like this:
Grab a pen or pencil
and go

Leaving reality
In your dust ( comma)
Chocking and sputtering

As you fly (comma)
Into a magical paradise

Break away
The chains, and
Cause some chaos

Better like this:
Break away the chains
and cause some chaos

You’ll love yourself
Better for it

Hope this reviwew helps! When you write poetry, sometimes you view the punctuation and grammar as different to that of a story ect. It's generally not. One thing I noticed about your piece was the lack of punctuation. Put commas and colons ect in the most obvious places which help your writing to flow!
thanks, keep writing, AC xxx

Hello! I really like this poem! It is very interesting. I especially like the message in it, which is to escape reality, write to your heart's content. That's a really great message! For example,

"Leaving reality
In your dust
Chocking and sputtering

As you fly
Into a magical paradise

Break away
The chains, and
Cause some chaos

You’ll love yourself
Better for it"

I really like these verses! I especially like the ending.

I also wanted to say that I completely disagree with AmeliaCogen when he said that you need to put punctuation into your poem. You don't have to. Poetry has ridden itself of grammar and punctuation. So, you don't have to follow the rules of grammar and punctuation when it comes to writing poetry. Poetry is a very free form these days. Why look at E. E. Cummings' poetry. He plays with the punctuation and grammar. I hope you take this into consideration. Overall, your poem is interesting. I hope you keep writing poetry!

Hi there

For someone that is not used to writing poetry, this is very good.

The language is very nice and the themes and concepts are very interesting. However you’re Flow is a bit jittery and shaky, but that is just something to work on.

Good job.