Fingers in our Pockets

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Kamas
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Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:32 pm
Kamas says... · Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:32 pm
--
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin

#tnt
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inkwell
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Tue Mar 15, 2011 11:10 pm
inkwell says... · Tue Mar 15, 2011 11:10 pm
OK, so, couple nitpicks:

"soft like" in line six. I think some punctuation would clear it up because I don't know if you mean "soft-like" or "soft, like..."

And in the last stanza you use "we" but switch to "you" in the last line.

Otherwise, lovely poem. The subject is great, the analogies better, and the nostalgic tone very nice. :)
"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." — Einstein
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I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings