My Deteriorating Reality

It's a little away from my usual form of writing but I decided to give it a go. Please comment and hope you like it.

Hi there.

This is very good. I like it for a few reasons.

Firstly, Your opening line is fantastic


"I’m slowly losing control,"

It draws me in write away.

Secondly,
I really like that your using other forms of poetry, I think it is always important as a writer to always keep moving.

And some of the lines are just fantastic. I think my favourite is


"Making every aspect of suicide seem elegant and delicious,"

Which is kind of creepy and beautiful all at once.

In conclusion, this is really lovely.

Hi there! Sporks here for a review.

I guess I could go into the technical aspects of poetry, but I'll let another reviewer get those since my talents are not in meter or rhythm or anything like that. I'll review your thematic choices.

I have to be completely honest with you. There are more suicide poems than people on this planet. It's become a cliche in and of itself. While your language tries very, very hard to be striking and original, it falls short because this theme is written about so often and with such indelicacy. I'll go back to my people imagery. Just as no one person is the same as another, each poem, though technically the same in its subject matter, can be different (and should be!). In order to make this stand out and be great, you should try to look at this from a different angle. The whole "slow descent into madness/I like death" thing has been done.

When you do that, your imagery/use of language demonstrates that you would have a very good poem on your hands.

Good luck, and I hope I helped!
Spork