That Night

I wore the dress of fire
As lashes flickered
And fingers lingered
Magnetic bodies on the dance floor
The powerful force of love
You sipped the white whine
Chilled and cold like the dark night
Tuxedo man with the magical moves
With that charming sway
As I was mopped off my stilletoed feet
Scurry scurry
Like our heartbeats
Each dance was our last
Each kiss was our first
Nights have ended before
New days have begun
But you and I are glued in that moment
That night will be forever young

This poem had a great message in it, very touching
I will just point out a few things, I hope I don't seem to critical

"I wore the dress of fire
As lashes flickered" I didn't really understand this bit, though that could just be me. Maybe add in a few lines here to give a better description of what you're trying to say?

"The powerful force of love" A good emotive line, but maybe you could tell us what this powerful force of love is. Again, maybe it's just me not seeing it.

"As I was mopped off my stilettoed feet" Maybe instead of mopped you could say something like swept? Mopped doesn't sound very romantic to me is all.

"Scurry scurry, like our heartbeats" I loved that bit, had to tell you

Yeah so I really liked this poem, I hope my advice can help

hey there,thanx a lot. well any criticism is good criticism and perfection is a lie. 'dress of fire' as in a red dress. i needed to add a little flavour so i went beyond a bit, kinda left it up to the reader to decide. her eye lashes flickered, and the force of love was what magnetized the bodies together. I will take all that into consideration, of course I'm here to learn. I think I like your opinion a lot, I'll follow you. thanx.

very nice.Good job.

thank u very much!

I like it! Your description is rich and gives a good sense of the dream-like mood. I personally thought the phrase "Tuxedo man with the magical moves" sounds a little too straight-forward and bland for such a descriptive piece but that might just be . . . I don't have much experience with the subject matter! So, overall very good, keep up the great work!

thank you very much for the encouragement.xx Upile xx

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I liked how you used other words for a vague description; "I wore the dress of fire" is a great example. This way I can imagine you wearing a red or orange dress, but nevertheless it would be striking because it caught many people's attention- "And lashes flickered". It's almost like a puzzle, this poem, with piecing in words to paint the picture of the setting you're trying to convey. The cool thing is you're not being too vague or too straightforward; there's a balance of description, and each line fits nicely into place. Very well written, and no critique I'm afraid, only praise. But that's not so bad, is it? Haha. Good luck with you're writing, this is an amazing piece of work

hey there,
thanx a lot for the praise and my my you broke it down, that's amazing that you can tell me exactly what you liked about the poem thanks a lot.
xx Upile xx

Wow! Just wow! That was an amazing poem. It was very visual, and painted the scene perfectly! I felt lost in the dance floor as I lost myself in the words. It was great visual but may have lacked a little more emotion. I saw what was happening but I couldn't really feel what the subject character was feeling. But all in all a great, strong, fluent poem! Keep it up

--> love this one! :]

Anyway, a little correction about the spelling of "wine". "Whine" means complaint and "Wine" means a drink, like white wine, sancerre, champagne..

:]