Who's at fault

Who know you'd break my heart
You did your part
Now I've got to pick up the pieces
I need your kisses

I miss the way it use to be
You were my heart's key
What happened to us
You made me feel like a goddess
Now we're torn apart
Was it my fault ?

Will we ever be the same?
Whose to blame?
We may never know


I know it is not that good. Please critize it!!! Help me fix it. Thanks

I like the idea, but I don' know if you wanted this poem to have more of a beat to it. If you did, you might want to make the second and fourth lines of the opening stanza longer.
Also, the last couplet of the second stanza could rhyme a little better.
One last thing,

We may never know

This line makes the poem feel incomplete. Maybe you should make it a little longer, or at least think of a line to rhyme with that one.
Overall, great work!
-Alex

Thanks. Your comments have really helped me. My writing is off a lot. I love writing. IT is my passion, but I'm have trouble with the feel and rhymes of my poems.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, poetry is really hard for me, so I usually stick to short stories, unless I have something really good on my mind. I also find rapping easier than formal poetry.

True I write short stories, but they have mostly been for school. My teachers didn't give them back, so I don't have them. I will post some of my short stories soon though (hopefully).

Great. If you don't mind, could you check out the first chapter of this novel I posted? No one's commented yet. It's called "The Gold Watch", and you should find it in my portfolio.

its nice, to the point, short theres a few errors here and there but other then that i love it, good work.

Do you care if I'm a little bit mean? Oh, I feel bad, but remember I'm only doing this because I think you have potential!

BUT I don't think this poem really does. The problem with it is that it's so much like other teenage poetry, and it sounds typical and cliche. There's nothing really deep or new about this, nothing that really makes you feel strongly about anything. It's not that this is terrible, it's just that I've seen every single one of these lines before in pieces of poetry, some a half a dozen times.
I'm not trying to discourage you, just encouraging you to think outside the box.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!

I totally understand I don't care much for this poem myself I dont even know why I posted it!! Thanks for your comment though please check out my short story and other poems!!