Boogie Man

Boogie Man, Boogie Man,
Come get me.
Take me away,
And set me free.

Boogie Man, Boogie Man,
Help save myself
From that knife
Upon that shelf.

Boogie man, Boogie man,
Knock on my door.
I hate the dark.
Can’t survive one more.

Boogie man Boogie man,
Don't show a mirror.
I'm just reminded
Of that night in terror.

Boogie man, Boogie man,
Hide in the mist
With the bleeding marks
Upon my wrists.

Boogie man, Boogie man,
It feels like bliss.
They hurt so good;
Those thin red slits.

Boogie man, Boogie man,
You're all I need.
We'll grin and laugh,
As I bleed.

Boogie man, Boogie man ,
I'm now ready.
Soon enough,
You’ll set me free

So Boogie Man, Boogie Man
Come kill me.
Please take me away,
And let me be.

Boogie man, Boogie man,
Let me die.
I want to feel the cold.
So please close my eyes.

Boogie man, Boogie man,
By death I'll be kissed.
So kill me now,
And mark me off your list.

~I wasn't quite sure if this would work out so be brutal and let me know your thoughts.

Hello! Here for just a quick review...

Um, I don't have any critisisms really... this is really sad... morbid, even. Which is fine. That's surly what you were going for. It gave me some... vivid and horrific visions, so, yeah... nice job!

Boogie Man, Boogie Man,
Help save myself.
From that knife
Upon that shelf.

Okay, this stanza is fine, and all, however, the narrator seems to want to die in every other stanza, except here, you know?

I like the idea... the way you treated the Boogie Man like the grim reaper, or the devil, or something... it's like, a whole new level to fearing what lerks under your bed...

(let me point out I'm not a poetry expert... and I really hope that you're not seriously considering suicide D:... if you are, please seek help!)

--
Tabby

Heya, welcome to YWS! ^^

I liked this. Your poem had a very nice rythym to it, except in the very last line. It was too long compared to the other lines and made the ending seem rushed. As in you have to read it very fast to keep the rythym. I suggest tweaking that slightly.
Other than that, a nice gloomy poem which flowed well. Keep it up!

Your's truly,
|Life|

Hey! I liked your poem! Very creepy, so effective.
Ok, so when you started using "Boogie Man, Boogie Man" as the first line of the first two stanzas, I felt as though you would carry on throughout the whole poem. That would have made it sound even more creepy like a child's play-song. You know what I mean. Anyway, I like it! I haven't read this type of poem in a long time.

Yeah, and I agree with Tabby: are you suicidal? I hope not!(For selfish reasons and for the reason that I don't want you to kill yourself. Selfish reason being that you wouldn't be able to post anymore poems for me to read. xD)

Keep 'em coming!

Hi poetrymylovely,

Well, it was a very creepy visual poem, I must say. The poem had good rhythm and it actually flowed well. But I do agree with the others, it's mood felt happier than it should be. Maybe take a bit more time to extend your stanzas, adding in other words and descriptions to give a darker feel to it.

Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

Wow, wow, wow. Wow. ... Wow... What a dark, dark, dark poem indeed.
This is probably the first poem I’ve ever read about emo-activity.

I can’t help but to say that this has been written and formatted in a very, VERY tidy fashion. Definitely earned its 12+ content rating indeed.

I kinda got thrown off between:

Boogie Man, Boogie Man,
Come get me.
Take me away,
And set me free.

Boogie Man, Boogie Man,
Help save myself.
From that knife
Upon that shelf.

and the rest of the poem, but then

So Boogie Man, Boogie Man
Come kill me.
Please take me away,
And let me be.

put me back on track again. Nice imagery and signifying the Boogie Man for this type of topic. It’s really refreshing to hear a work about a Boogie Man that people want to have around.

Great poem. Very emotional. Keep up the good work!

Wow this poem was in fact creepy and a bit depressing . I think that this could have been just a bit more descriptive and use a stricter syntax. But other than I love it

At first I thought this was going to be about dancing. How wrong was I! I think that the repetition of boogie man made the poem sound very sinister. One thing, when you put a full stop at: "Help save myself. / From that knife" you're kind of putting a full stop in the middle of a sentence. I think that the last line sounded very final and finished off the poem nicely. It's pretty atmospheric, well done.

where can I buy this it is so good its so beastly cant believe someone young could write a poem so powerful

I think this is a truly incredible poem, very powerful and memorable. It was clever to use the character of the feared Boogie Man in this original way. The title kept you guessing, and the whole poem flowed well and made sense. One thing: when you write, "help save me from the knife on the shelf" (or something like that) it sounds like the person doesn't want to die, which disconnects it, at least for me, from the rest of the poem. Otherwise, I love it. Very morbid, obviously, but you pulled off incredibly. Keep writing! Of course you should get help if the poem is reflecting your real feelings...